Tuesday
I opened my eyes. I was encased by the softness of my sheets. Did I go to sleep last night wearing this oversized shirt? Oh my god, no... The last thing I remember was Yoongi rubbing my head. I sat there feeling stunned. Had this guy changed me and put me into bed? Jesus... Wait!? Was he still here?!
I instantly got up and rushed out to the living room but the only soul in my apartment was me. I don't know why but I felt kinda displaced.. how could I have slept through that? jeez... Am I losing the plot or what.
My mind drifted to earlier on in the night. My chest sunk. That's right. The fight. Maybe that's why I was hard pressed on memory.
In the past, when there'd be conflict at home I'd always blank it out. It was a way of coping I fell into using when it got painful. Distraction, avoidance... I knew I did it a lot with other things in my life but, what other choice did I have.
Sometimes I almost felt like I'd implode from the anxiety. The overthinking. It was easier to just push it out. Think of other things. Part of me wanted to do it today too. Give me a bit of time before facing anything to do with that fight last night.
So I did. I went to class, came home, put together a lunch box for Jimin and took off to where I knew he'd be practising his ass off today. I didn't message him, instead, I thought I'd just surprise him. Perhaps it was partially a distraction for me but on the other hand, I knew Jimin was working hard and I wanted to try and support him too.
The sun poked out from behind foggy clouds but it barely did a thing to deter the cold. When I got to the door of the basement outside Jimins practice room I thumped loudly a few times and called out his name.
A moment later the door creaked loudly as someone heaved it open from the other side, it slid to reveal a sweaty and wide-eyed Jimin.
"Jia?" He asked looking flustered.
"Thought you might be hungry" I slowly lifted the lunchbox I clutched in my hand up for him to see.
"Aw. That's thoughtful of you. Come in" Jimin stepped aside and held out his hand.
"Here, be careful, the steps are a bit wobbly" He warned. I carefully held his hand as he led me down the steps. He wasn't lying, the wood under my feet shifted dangerously so I took my time descending the short flight. I'd been too occupied looking down at the steps but when I reached the landing and gazed up I was shocked by the state of the underground room.
"Jimin, Holy heck. It's a wreck down here.." I mumbled. The walls and floorboards were so aged, the mirrors looked vintage with grey spots on them ..altogether it was creepy. A practice room, but like one that was haunted by a ghost or something.
"Yeah, I know... Our company is kinda broke. Just try to ignore it" Jimin scratched at the back of his head awkwardly before inviting me over to the corner of the room. I followed along and sat down with him on the stiff floorboards deciding to leave it at that.
We chatted about random things of unimportance as we ate. How lovely the full moon looks, what colour we think suits Tae the most, if we only had a day left on earth how we would spend it. It wasn't until after we finished that he gasped in realisation.
"I just remembered! I have something for you, hold on a sec" Jimin sprung to his feet and went over to a big gym bag in the other corner of the room. He sought through it before pulling something out and returning to sit back next to me with a wide-eyed smile. He always looks so adorable when he does.
"Hm? What's that..?" I queried. I wasn't expecting anything from him... I was truly awestruck.
"Just a little something I wanted to give you... I didn't know if I'd get the chance before winter break. Lucky you came by today" Jimin confessed before holding out something delicate and silver in his palm.
"Jimin... A bracelet?" My heart softened as I stared at the cute thin silver chain he held out. There was a tiny heart dangling from the latch.
"Yeah... Friendship bracelet" he smirked as he reached out and pulled my hand so my wrist was hovering before him. My heart was swelling on the inside but I was at a loss for words.
"It's so gorgeous. Thank you.." was what I managed as I watched him carefully clip it around my wrist. His accidental light touches as he did gave me tingles.
"It's okay. You're always doing nice things for me so... I want you to know that I appreciate you" Jimin slipped his hand into mine and held it. I felt warmth rise to my cheeks.
"That's sweet of you... Honestly, Thank you" I mumbled. Unable to make eye contact. I felt him tug at my hand causing me to topple into him.
"Hey!" I yelped at the sudden but soft impact of his chest. "What?" He cackled cheekily as he fastened an arm around me, making it harder for me to escape so I just gave in and snuggled him.
"Oh, you gave up so quickly... not even going to try and fight me?" He smiled as he gently touched my hair.
"No... I know there's no point... I won't win if it's against you" I said softly into his chest.
We remained like that for a short while until it was time for me to take off. I, unfortunately, had a class this afternoon. I don't know if I imagined it but I could have sworn there was a glint of dismay in his eyes as he waved me goodbye.
It might've had something to do with the conversation we had before I left. He told me he was going home for Winter break and he might not see me until he came back. That made me sad too. I hadn't thought about it yet but I doubted I'd go home for the holidays. I had work and I needed to save money. I'd need it to pay for next semester as well... Perhaps I wouldn't admit it to myself but, I didn't particularly want to see my parents either.
It'd become a ritual that on Tuesday nights I went and watched Hoseok dance. Tonight wasn't any different. After class, I went to the place they always performed at. As I searched for him from my regular spot I was at a loss to find him.. he was nowhere to be seen. The remainder of his crew were there and the crowd was as hyped up as always. I sat and watched the show just as I usually would but I couldn't shake the worry building up as I did. When it finished I sent Hoseok a text to see if he was alright. By the time I got home, I hadn't received a reply.
Thoughts started to flood my mind. Was he okay? Was he mad at me? Did something else happen with Joon? I had no idea... I also didn't have a clue as to what I should do. I sat there in stillness on my couch for what seemed an eternity. Tension and worry washing over me. I tried to call him but the dial tone just rang out. By now it was already 10 pm but there was no way I could sleep, not knowing if he was alright was killing me.
Suddenly the intercom buzzed, I'd never stood up so quickly in my life. There on the other side was Hoseok's voice. Moments later, he stood before me in the doorway.
"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't reply.." I'd never seen him look this low before. He was usually sunny and bold, full of energy but right now he looked like he was hauling the weight of the world on his shoulders and he was about to crumble.
"No, it's fine. Are you okay?" I asked. I reached for his hand, gently tugging him over to the couch as I stepped backwards.
"I'm still here so.." he let me gently pull him with me.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want. Have you eaten? I can make you something.." I offered before sitting.
"It's alright, I'm not hungry.." He said apathetically, he plopped down next to me.
"Hoseok.." I mumbled. I didn't know what to say. How could I mend this?
"I just.." he wavered before taking a subtle breath."Can I just rest here for a while?"
I nodded. He laid his head on one of my thighs from in between my legs. His breath tickled my inner thigh, his arm wrapped around my leg. Hugging it like it was somebody dear to him.
I softly fiddled with his hair, hoping that it would help soothe him even if it was just a tiny bit. I shut my eyes, the sensation of his soft locks at my fingertips.
____
I raised my head, had I drifted off for a short while? The pressure of Hoseok's head on my thigh had made my leg go numb. As I move he stirred, he sat up. His hair was messy like he'd fallen asleep too.
"You dribbled on my leg," I noticed the wet patch where his face had been.
"Oh shit sorry" he mumbled sleepily and pulled his sleeve over his hand to rub it off.
"It's okay. Wanna go back to sleep? We can go to bed if you want" I sat up and wiped my eyes, trying to wake myself up a bit.
"No... It's alright... I should probably go.. I've already caused you enough trouble" He looked down, unable to make eye contact.
"What're you talking about..?" I asked. "Last night, I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking" he sighed, now staring plainly at me.
"I don't think it's me you need to apologise to... I have no idea what's going on between you and Joon but... Seems to me like you guys have stuff you need to sort out" I offered. He rubbed at the back of his head momentarily.
"Yeah, about that.. I quit".
"Seriously?".
"Yeah. It's done. I'm done".
"Honestly, I want to yell at you so bad right now. To stay with the group. To stick it out. To not give up. But I know it's not going to help. You don't need the stress. If that's what you decide is best for you I trust your judgment" A small moment of quiet filled the air.
"Jia. Thanks... For everything" Hoseok slowly slid his hand behind the nape of my neck. He gently pulled me nearer and held me against him. I clung to the sides of his baggy jumper. This whole situation was fucked.
"Please just.. Take care of yourself too" I whispered against the fabric of his jumper. Hoseok nodded after a moment then pulled away just enough so that his face was merely inches away from mine. A delicate kiss placed itself on my lips. And then, it was gone. Hoseok let go of me and stood up.
"I should probably get going" He sighed, pushing his hand through his hair. But, I still had questions, if he quit then? Would he be leaving Seoul?
"Wait, So, what're you gonna do over Winter break?" I burst out.
"Oh... Uhh. I'll still be around. Yoongi-Hyung was gonna be left here by himself so I decided to spend the holidays with him" He cracked the faintest of smiles.
"Oh okay, I'm staying too.." I stood up and walked with him over to the front door.
"Good, we could spend Christmas together then. Me, You and Yoongi" he appeared a little happier at his suggestion.
"That'd be fun, let's do it" I agreed.
I felt conflicted as I said goodnight to Hoseok as he left. But, if I wanted to help the situation I needed to have a good think about how to do that instead of rashly acting on feelings... Before I went to bed I concluded I needed to talk to Joon. If there was any way of settling stuff, I, at the least, needed to know what was going on.
Even then, was it vain of me to think there was anything I could do about it? It was their affairs, Yoongi had insisted it had very little to do with me... I didn't know but I was going to try... I didn't want to see my friends tear each other apart, no, that was not how this was meant to be.