A long, long time ago, Aenamo broke free from the world below, the Mainland, Vaihines. No one knew exactly why, and few people cared, by now. It was thousands of years ago, and it hardly mattered why or how.
Some said that powerful species, the first rulers, had lifted the ocean of islands to escape oppression on the Mainland, a place where magic wasn't as common and often feared. Some said that magic had lifted the islands themselves; that for some reason, magic had escaped and been too powerful for the world below to control. Then again, some said that Am had lifted it all, then vanished, to protect other, unknown worlds.
Am was a God, mostly celebrated in North. Throughout Aenamo, there were many deities, Gods, and practices, but by far the biggest belief was Am. Even though most of the islands in North believed in him, his words were spread through the realms, from the East to the West, down to South and the Center Isles as well, as a ghost of something many believed to be true.
Nite didn't believe in Am. He didn't believe in Gods or higher powers at all, for that matter. But he believed in magic. You couldn't study or see Gods, but you could study and control magic. It was all around you, although not visible, clearly existing.
His mother had tried to teach him about Am. For some reason, she fully believed that the stories about him lifting Aenamo was true. Nite didn't believe that. It was clear that magic had lifted this place. Why else would the magic flow so freely throughout the realms?
Then Nite figured, that Am could be a metaphor for magic. That made sense to him. It made his mother happy that he somewhat believed in Am, and if he experienced Am as magic, he did somewhat believe the fantastical stories he heard about him.
It had surprised him when Seymore had thought of it as tell tales, that his mother was from Vaihines. That he didn't know that people came from down there, up here. Truth be told, not many did complete the journey. Not enough that it was normal, he guessed, but enough that it wasn't unheard of or crazy to believe, he thought. In any way, more believable than people leaving Aenamo, except the cases that people just fell from the sky.
He had learned much throughout the months with Seymore. Mostly how it wasn't common for him to know all this stuff. But what else should he do with his time, than reading? He had all the time in the world, and nothing with substance to spend it on. And every time he learned something new, he hoped that this would be the thing he needed to take his studies further with his mother. That day never arrived, and he hardly believed it to do so, now.
Seymore wasn't dumb, he believed. Not compared to what he could gather about other trolls. Trolls were simple, but Seymore wasn't. Every time he thought he knew what the troll wanted or what he needed, he flipped it around and wanted something completely else. A flaw that humans had, he thought. Maybe the troll would grow out of it? He was still young. Or more likely, it was something he had grown into, living away from other trolls for such a long time.
Nite rarely understood the world around him, because he had never seen it. He didn't understand people, because he couldn't remember he had ever talked with anyone, besides his mother and Seymore. He knew the castle at one point had had more staff, but he didn't remember them. He remembered very few things, from before he moved to the rundown part of the castle, to focus on his studies and distance himself from his mother, which gazes always hurt him in strange ways.
But when Seymore looked at him, it didn't really matter what he was thinking. If he was concerned or happy or sad, all that mattered was that he was looking at him and he saw him. Not what he wanted Nite to be. Seymore didn't want Nite to be anything, particular. He could just be Nite, and he would still look at him the same way.
And now when he looked at him, the troll still sleeping by his side, he wondered if Seymore knew that Nite looked at him the same way? He could be anything, and Nite would still look at him and want him just as much. It didn't matter that he was a troll, and had strange habits compared to humans. Nite was pretty strange himself, he thought. He didn't mind if Seymore didn't eat as neatly, or if he needed to be touched to not dwell too far into himself.
He didn't really think about things as beauty, before now. He had never looked at himself and thought he was beautiful, but he hadn't looked at anyone else and thought so, either. He didn't really care for beauty, he thought.
As he grew older, he found that the people he read about piqued his interest more and more, but it was never the fair ladies or the lads with chiseled chins that got him going. He found oddities to interest and arouse him. Like ghosts with abnormalities, or any species that didn't fall under normal. Maybe he sought something familiar because he felt so out of place himself, but oftentimes, he felt attracted to big bodies, of all genders. Big arms, big stomachs, big butts…
He had never really thought about his attraction to genders before his mother continued to talk about his future love interest as a woman. He didn't ask about it but noticed she referred to her own former lovers as men. It was first when he noticed that she described Seymore's former lovers as men as well, that he got confused.
She didn't express any disgust that Seymore liked men. She simply told him that some people liked their own sex, rather than the opposite. He always believed that he at some point had to choose a gender to feel attracted to, and it felt weird for him to like one over others. When Seymore had told him he didn't have to choose at all, he felt some sort of euphoria and relief, he hardly had imagined that he could even feel.
Although he had rarely had a problem with not being beautiful, he did feel some sort of insecurity thinking of Seymore's past lover. Though he didn't think of Seymore as vain or superficial, he couldn't help but feel jealous at the way he spoke about 'him', although rarely, but with such care.
He often wondered why they weren't together anymore, but Seymore would never answer him. He didn't want to pry, but he couldn't help but feel that this was the biggest reason why Seymore wouldn't commit to being his lover.
Seymore looked rather peaceful when he slept, he thought to himself. His scars made him look older, but in his sleep, he couldn't keep up his facades in any way. This was what he was; a troll. A tired troll, a gentle troll, but in the end; a troll. He didn't mind this. In fact, he thought he kind of liked that about him.
He laid close to his warm body, still naked and barely covered by the blankets. He wondered what made the troll so tired today, if it was due to his panic yesterday, or if he had been just as emotional when Nite had been in his room, as he himself had been? Maybe both? Maybe neither.
When had he fallen for Seymore? He wasn't quite sure. It was easy to say it was sometime after they started to fool around, but he didn't think that was quite it. His hormones had been crazy for a while before Seymore even moved into this part of the castle, one of his biggest annoyances with the troll moving to the basement chamber, to begin with.
But they had gone completely haywire after he had seen the half-naked troll that faithful night. He didn't intend to be creepy, and it was obvious, even to him, that Seymore didn't intend for him to see him, but everything went off after that time. He didn't really feel any shame masturbating to the thought of Seymore, but mostly, he didn't want it to be just fantasies. He hadn't expected the awkward troll to be all over him just at the mentioning of something sexual, but on the other hand, he didn't understand why Seymore hesitated, either.
It was safe to say that his feelings, whatever they were, grew stronger as time passed. But he had somewhat felt this strange, soothing thing ever since Seymore had suggested that Nite didn't need to be anyone or anything, other than Nite. He hadn't thought of it as a crush or love, but looking back, he had felt pretty content ever since the troll moved into the basement chamber.
He liked when Seymore touched him, but mostly it had been his hormones that went out of hand. He loved when Seymore showed him new things or touched him in different places, but sleeping with him, cuddling up against him, and kissing him was the things he mostly thought about, when he was alone.
He had never asked himself why they didn't kiss before he read the romance novel. Ever since then, he frequently wondered why Seymore thought it was so personal, compared to sex. Even if the troll denied his request of being lovers, Nite couldn't help but feel they moved closer to being that, now that they had kissed.
Seymore hadn't pushed him aside, as he had somewhat expected. The kiss had felt welcomed, gentle and natural. It had felt like, despite what Seymore would say, that the troll had longed for this, just as much as he himself had.
With a light hand, he caressed the sleeping man by his side. He wanted him to wake up, so he could watch those deep, amber eyes anew. He wanted to see what Seymore would do, not being the first to wake. He wondered if he would be flustered or happy or horny, maybe? He wanted to kiss him again, just like the troll had promised.
He didn't know or understand what Seymore wanted. Every time he was sure that the troll liked him, he would pull away in some sense, making him unsure again. He didn't understand Seymore's words. He liked him, but he didn't want a lover. He wanted to help him, but he kept listing reasons for Nite not to like him. He wouldn't leave him, but he always seemed to keep his distance.
He often wondered if this was due to Seymore's past lover, or Nite himself. Maybe he wasn't pretty or nice enough for Seymore. Maybe the troll was too fearful of his magic? Maybe he just didn't like him, like that.
The troll moved to his side, slowly opening his eyes as Nite kept caressing him. He seemed confused for a moment, before he sat up, looking around.
,,Good morning,'' Nite said, his voice a little hoarse from sleeping. Seymore still looked confused, massaging his head slightly. ,,… You didn't sleep well?'' he asked, almost a little concerned.
,,No… I mean, yes, but… I must have been tired,'' he mumbled, fumbling around for the pocket watch on his shelf. ,,It's almost nine,'' he croaked. It suddenly seemed to dawn on him that Nite was still beside him. ,,Oh,'' he smiled awkwardly.
,,You seemed so peaceful, so I didn't bother to wake you up,'' he shrugged, laying down again underneath the blankets. ,,Besides, you don't need to work always, Seymore. We… It was a long day yesterday. You deserve to sleep in, you know?'' he said, hopeful that the troll would lay down beside him again, but he didn't. He just watched Nite with this expression, that he couldn't really decipher. So intensely, as if he searched for something deep within the sorcerer.
,,… Maybe you're right,'' he smiled. ,,I just…''
,,… Prefer to get up first,'' Nite said, eyeing the flustered troll. He nodded, guilty as charged. ,,I've noticed,'' he said, padding the mattress beside himself, and Seymore slowly laid down near him again.
,,I like to start my days early,'' he tried, but Nite knew it was only half the truth. He could often pinpoint that Seymore wasn't completely honest with him, but not why, and more often he couldn't really figure out what the troll was thinking or feeling in general.
Nite only nodded, before he cuddled up against the troll's big, green body again. He could hear his pounding heart, the sound rather soothing for him. When they laid like this, it didn't really matter what Seymore was thinking about, because he still indulged enough in Nite's shenanigans either way.
But when he moved up to kiss the troll, not even thinking about it that much, Seymore pulled away, just as flustered as when he woke up. It surprised the sorcerer, and he sat up with a displeased look on his face.
,,What's the problem?'' he asked, crossing his arms around his knees.
,,I just… feel icky, in the mornings… It's nothing else, I promise, I just… I need to wash up, before that,'' he tried. Nite rolled his eyes, scooting himself close to the troll again, looking into the big, uncertain, amber eyes, searching for answers he couldn't get.
,,You should know by now I don't care about stuff like that. You're fine,'' he whispered but didn't try to close the space between them again.
,,… I promise you, later, not now,'' he mumbled, caressing the small man in front of him.
,,Okay,'' he sighed, cuddling up into his embrace again. ,,Did I startle you? By being awake, I mean. It's because it's easier at night, isn't it? And when it's throughout the day… I don't know, you feel trapped in some sense?'' he asked quietly. Seymore didn't stop with caressing his back, but he simply just grumbled above him.
,,I can't remember the last time I slept in this much,'' he admitted. ,,… But yes, it startled me, a little. I don't know if trapped is the right word. You just… We just rarely discussed these things, throughout the day so… I assumed it was nighttime activities, only,'' he shrugged. ,,But don't worry, Nite. It's not you, I'm just… a little weird with these things, I guess,'' he tried, smiling subtly down to the small man.
They laid in silence for a while. Nite didn't want Seymore to feel weird about any of this. He wanted him to understand, that from the way he was seeing it, it made perfect sense to make Seymore his lover. But on the other hand, this was nice, and maybe labels didn't matter as much in the end.
,,There's still pie from yesterday,'' Seymore suddenly said, trying to catch Nite's attention again.
,,But this is so nice,'' he whined, cuddling closer to the troll instead.
,,Nite you need to eat,'' he said firmly. ,,Come on. You barely ate yesterday. Besides…'' He hesitated for a moment before he smiled tiredly. ,,Weren't you supposed to teach me about magic later today? We need to eat before that.''
The sorcerer's face lit up, before he jumped up from the mattress, finally ready to get his clothes on. He barely noticed Seymore's gaze as he dressed, before he turned around and saw the red tips at the end of his pointy ears.
,,Oh now you're not in a hurry?'' he smirked, crossing his arms, as Seymore slowly got up to get dressed himself. He tried not to be obvious when he looked at the older man, but he knew he was. Seymore's body interested him, so far from his own, and so in touch with what he usually fancied. He would never admit that he liked being held and carried around in those big, strong arms, but now he wished he hadn't told him off yesterday when he had done so.
They went out of the small chamber and parted in the hallway; Seymore to wash up and himself to get breakfast. Seymore had baked a lot the day before, he noticed. It was kind of sweet, he thought. Regardless of what he said, and whatever Nite thought, Seymore really did care, in some way.
There were bread and sweet buns, pie, and cookies. He didn't exactly know how long he had been in his study chamber the day before, but Seymore must have spent all day baking.
Nite didn't really feel hungry, but he did understand the troll's concern, so he took a little of everything for himself, and made a plate for the troll as well. If he was lucky, Seymore would eat with him, and then they could study afterward.
He couldn't believe that he nearly forgot about that! He had wanted to teach Seymore about magic ever since he healed his hand, because despite believing that Seymore was afraid of him, he felt there was no reason to be afraid of magic, a thing so natural and essential to their world. If anything, he wanted to show Seymore he didn't have to be afraid, so he could relax around him. And now, more than ever, he wanted to share this part of himself with the troll that he had grown so close to.
Seymore popped into the dining area shortly after, surprised by the plates, it seemed. Surely, this looked neater than when he had tried to cook himself for the older man's birthday.
,,You're actually eating, that's amazing,'' he chuckled as he sat down in front of him. He didn't eat at first, but then it seemed like hunger overtook him. ,,Thank you,'' he smiled, rather cheerfully eating his bread.
,,Well, you made a lot for me. And I know… you don't really like to eat, with others, but yesterday… you didn't want me to go, either, so I hoped…'' he said, fumbling with the words.
,,I know, I know. It's very nice,'' he said calmly. They ate in silence for a moment, before the young man cleared his throat and asked:
,,Why… is it, that you don't like to eat with me?'' Seymore stopped in a motion, startling Nite for a moment, but the troll didn't look upset.
,,… It's actually pretty simple. When I lived at the Center Isles, people would make fun of me, for whatever reason they could come up with. My eating habits were one of the more major things. I didn't eat with the other servants or maids, when I arrived here, either. I've never joined your mother for dinner when she has suggested it,'' he said slowly. It looked like his cheeks brightened, but it was hard to say against the deep, moss green skin. ,,I stopped doing a lot of things the way I did back home when I arrived at the Center Isles.''
,,That's stupid,'' Nite scoffed, quickly regretting his words of choice. ,,I mean, not you, but… that people do that,'' he clarified. ,,I don't mind the way you eat.'' Seymore smiled, but he knew the words didn't settle as deep as the memory he had.
,,I'm glad,'' he said, with his deep, raspy voice. ,,It's rather funny, actually, that whatever kind words I received at the Center Isles… all I seem to remember are the things I had to change. That's why… I don't mind being a troll, but I don't feel very troll-ish anymore, as I had to change so many things about myself,'' he admitted.
,,You shouldn't have to,'' Nite said, suddenly feeling irritated. Not at the troll, but the whole world. ,,Why are people like that?'' he asked, his gaze fading into a void, his question a mere echo in his head before he realized that Seymore was still looking at him.
When he looked at the troll like this, still hurt so many years after, he couldn't really fathom why people would treat him badly. Even if Seymore had been more troll-like back then, he couldn't imagine him as anything other than kind and gentle.
,,What do you mean?'' the troll asked slowly, a little confused by the smaller man's reaction.
,,I mean, Aenamo is supposed to be a fantasy,'' he said, blinking a few times. ,,Vaihines is in constant war. With itself, it seems. Aenamo is supposed to be free from war and filled with equals.''
It surprised Nite when Seymore laughed. It didn't seem like he meant to do so, because he stopped a moment afterward, looking almost regretfully at the stunned young man.
,,… The world isn't always as the books tell you, Nite,'' he said slowly. ,,I do not doubt that Vaihines is very different from Aenamo, and I feel very fortunate to live here, even if they don't have as much magic down there. But the stories about a perfect, harmonious realm is just that: stories,'' he said, almost with a pained look in his eyes.
,,… I don't understand that. That's the whole reason that people from Vaihines would even come here,'' he debated. ,,I know no place is perfect, but Aenamo should be the realms of balance.''
,,But it's not,'' he simply said. ,,We might have fought our big wars a long time ago, but you can't change people's natures. People are bound to be mean or judgmental or evil, you can't change that, just with magic,'' he said.
That didn't make sense to him. Sure, he had known that Seymore's past was troubled at best, but he hadn't thought that the whole world hadn't fixed those trivial problems by now. He had thought that that was the whole reason why Aenamo had separated itself.
His mother rarely talked about Vaihines, but he had never been in doubt that she was, indeed, from the Mainland. She talked about a world, starving for all kinds of resources, living in their separate societies, with very few places across the land that wasn't race divided. A world he had read about, but would never see. He had read many books about Aenamo, and many books on the topic from Vaihines, thus making his worldview eschewed at best.
Magic couldn't change that, Seymore had said. But Nite knew better. Magic could change a world, that seemed more and more broken, even before he had had a chance to study it further.
,,… Can you tell me more about that?'' he finally said. Seymore had continued eating and resumed looking confused at the sorcerer. Maybe dreadful, even. ,,About Aenamo? It's like… a trade. I teach you about the laws of magic. You teach me about society,'' he offered, finishing up with his cookies. He still had his pie waiting sweetly for him.
,,… But you'll only have my experience,'' he said. ,,The world can be so much more, than what I have perceived,'' he tried.
,,Then don't talk about your trauma. But tell me about bigotry, about flaws in the system and the cruelness of people. I know about species, I know about history. But there are things I can't read about. Like how it feels to live in a society, where you don't belong,'' he said, getting excited just at the thought. The troll's browbone furrowed, but at last, he nodded firmly.
,,That's fair. And you're right, you should know about that kind of stuff. Did your mother never tell you anything about this world?'' he asked curiously.
,,Not like this. She has explained the many differences from Vaihines, but she hasn't talked about a shaming world.'' He was silent for a moment, looking down at his plate. ,,You know, for a long time, I didn't understand why she… despised me, at times. I thought it was me, so I studied harder. Then I thought it was her upbringing in Vaihines that made her hard, so I tried to mimic her actions more. But nothing makes her happy. And I only ended up fooling myself, it seems,'' he said, his voice small and his heart suddenly pounding. ,,She didn't even want me. How am I supposed to accommodate that?''
Seymore looked at him for a moment, his eyes sadder than they normally seemed. He then got up, standing behind the young man and hugging him from behind, so simply and truly. Nite hadn't even noticed he was crying, before the tears fell.
,,You know, maybe this is a reason that I don't think you should bother with the outside world, right now. The world inside the walls can be cruel, then, what about outside the castle? I don't want to see you angry or sad or discouraged. I want to see you smile, when you talk about magic and the wonders it can do,'' Seymore said softly, his strong arms still around him.
He didn't understand how Seymore could be so gentle and loving towards him, and at the same time stand his ground on not being lovers. But when he sat like this, tight in Seymore's warm embrace, it didn't really matter, he told himself. He could love him all the same, without pushing the troll away with his strong words.
,,I want to learn,'' he said softly. He quietly got out of the troll's grip, standing up and turning around, and before Seymore could move a step backward, he held his arms around his broad neck, pulling him closer to himself. ,,But first: You promised me something,'' he said, leaning up towards the troll's face, tiptoeing to reach the green lips.
Seymore didn't pull away this time, but he seemed just as startled as the first time he kissed him. Soon he felt the troll's big hands on his back, around his waist, before he got pulled further towards the taller man. Nite didn't break the kiss, not even when Seymore lifted him, placing him on the table behind him, to eliminate the height difference, just a tad.
He didn't remember how long they sat like this. It didn't matter, either. All they did was kissing, although just as fast and starved as the day before, but with a sweetness to it, Nite couldn't describe.
It felt like flying, he thought. When he felt like this, it didn't matter with his studies, nor the world outside, everything he could ever want was right here. The world was rotten, anyway, but this felt like a type of magic he had yet to unravel.
As always, Seymore didn't try to take things further. Nite knew he undoubtedly was interested in more, but not in any way that could be deemed as pushy. He gave Nite what he needed, and the sorcerer didn't want things to get too heated. Right now, he just needed to feel that he was somewhat right, that Seymore did care for him, even if he didn't touch him or commanded to be touched himself.
,,Hey,'' he whispered against the green lips, smiling slightly when Seymore unwillingly pulled away. ,,You still want me to teach you about magic?'' he smirked, still kissing the thin lips, although a lot softer and gentler now.
,,Mm,'' the troll hummed against the smaller man. He clearly had other things on his mind, but what was he to do? Seymore had proposed the idea himself, after all, and only a few things made Nite more excited than magic. At this point, sex was a good contender, but still not enough to win the battle.
,,We can just talk here. If I'm not going to use magic, which I won't, then there's no need to be in my study chamber,'' he said between kisses. He didn't really want to part from the troll, but he hardly believed either of them could concentrate like this.
,,That's fine. I'm sorry if I got a little carried away,'' he mumbled, still so very close to the sorcerer's face.
,,It's fine, it's just… hard to separate,'' Nite mumbled, kissing him one last time before he tried to create space between them. ,,Besides… I've really wanted this, all of this for a long time,'' he said softly. ,,Kissing you, but also teaching you, I mean.''
Seymore didn't answer, he just smiled, before he sat beside the smaller man. He awaited the sorcerer's next move, but Nite barely knew how to start.
,,… What exactly do you want to learn about?'' he said, facing the troll slightly.
,,I don't really know. I want to learn more about your… situation,'' he hesitated. ,,As for starters, do you know why you can't be tracked here?''
,,Well, not exactly,'' he shrugged, looking to the ceiling. ,,She mentioned that there are protection spells on the castle. It's not possible to hide your property, so it is possible to find the castle, on accident or likewise. But it is harder, unless you've been here before, or know of its existence. Pair that up with the fact that we're on Mokar, a place with very few visits in general, then there are very few that would find me. My best bet is, that the protection spell also blocks out essences. But I'm unsure because I don't know if you're traceable,'' he tried. This didn't seem to answer the troll's questions.
,,What do you mean by traceable?'' he asked.
,,It's simple. The book where everyone's essence is documented can also be used to find a person. It's very hard and not really used, and only something the realm leaders have access to,'' he said. ,,But you wouldn't be in that book if the castle blocks out essences.''
,,… Would I be considered dead, then?'' he asked slowly, but Nite only shook his head.
,,No, a lot of people vanish on and off. And as you're out of the castle sometimes, you wouldn't be registered as deceased, I believe.'' Seymore still looked confused but nodded as his answer.
,,Where do you learn about this stuff? I wonder if I didn't know about this because I'm a troll, but I've never heard anyone else ever mentioning it, either,'' he said slowly.
,,Unless you're some kind of law enforcement, there's really no reason to know about this. It's… pointless, basically. I've learned about it because I'm interested in history, and it's not heavily documented, so I believe it wouldn't be covered, troll or not,'' he said, trying to be reassuring. ,,It's not something any normal person can use, anyway.'' Seymore nodded, grabbing his cup on the table and continuing with his now cold tea.
,,What does essence cover? Like, is it only my name you can see in that book?'' he asked. ,,I have a hard time grasping the concept, I think,'' he admitted.
,,Essence is like your personal magic, so to speak. The book should possess all sorts of information about a person, just on its essence. Like their age, name, and species. Even if you can't use magic, everyone possesses magic. It's… a life force, if that makes sense. Magic, in Aenamo, at least, is like air, it's just… there. The same is your essence. You can't get rid of it, like you can't cleanse the air from magic,'' he explained. ,,Which is why I find it so weird that some species, not only trolls, are fearful of magic. Maybe it makes sense in Vaihines, but here?'' he asked, shaking his head.
,,It's not so much magic,'' he said slowly. ,,It's the use of magic. I'm not afraid of the earth, so to speak, but I would be afraid of someone manipulating it,'' he continued, emptying his cup. Then he looked at Nite, an expression hard to read. As if he contemplated continuing, but then he smiled and caressed the top of the younger man's head. ,,You're a pretty good example of that, actually. There's not much you can't do with your magic, is there?'' he asked.
,,Well, no,'' he said, visibly proud. ,,Maybe I can't do it all yet, but I have a lot of different kinds of magic,'' he smiled.
,,Why is that?'' he asked, filling his cup with tea again.
,,It's because I'm born with magic, as in using magic, but I also study magic. In theory, everyone can study magic. That doesn't necessarily mean they can use it, but many can learn to. Many species are born with some kind of magic, and can use that as natural as their physical abilities,'' he explained.
,,So, what are your natural abilities?'' he asked. Nite was about to answer, when he stopped again, his face suddenly looking flustered. ,,What is it?''
,,… I actually don't know, for sure,'' he said slowly. ,,My mother isn't born with magic, but I know that I was. I've just always studied magic, so many of my learned abilities, like transforming objects and manifestation, are just as strong as everything else. I think… I think it's my power spikes, the things I get when I get really angry or otherwise emotional. Mostly angry…'' he admitted, looking slightly at the troll. ,,You know, the magic blobs I do. Like yesterday. I don't remember I have ever learned them, but I do remember I have studied them, to make them more stable...''
,,That would make sense,'' he said, taking another sip of his tea. ,,I'm… pretty sure that is what made these,'' he explained, running his fingers down his face, pointing at his scars. Nite looked unsettled a moment, but the troll just smiled. ,,It's okay. You were very small,'' he explained. The young man nodded, still looking at the troll.
,,So… How did it happen? I don't… remember it, I don't even remember your face from before…'' he said slowly. Seymore was about to explain, when the sorcerer ran his fingers over the troll's face, ever so gently. The older man smiled calmly, taking Nite's hand in his and guided him to his lips, gently kissing the palm of his hands. It surprised Nite that the troll even dared to show that kind of affection, considering how he normally reacted.
,,You were very small. Not to the point where you shouldn't be able to remember it at all, I believe. Maybe you were… 5 years old? Maybe a little older. I needed to clean something in your room, while your mother took care of something else, but you wouldn't let me. Then… you got mad,'' he explained slowly, his eyes flickering slightly. Nite could only imagine what he was thinking right now. ,,I didn't have time to react. You had never used your magic on me. On others, but not on me. And then… it turned out really bad. I fled before your mother even had a chance to take a look at my face,'' he said, shaking his head to rid himself of the memories.
Nite didn't say anything, he just looked up at the troll. He felt small. Like he should have done back then, but he could barely imagine that he had felt any sort of guilt. Seymore cleared his throat and put his cup away before he scooted a little closer to the sorcerer again.
,,It's okay, Nite. I don't remember being mad at you, even then. I just… remembered how much I dislike magic,'' he explained. ,,The cuts were deep, but they didn't bleed as much as you would think. Some of the cuts didn't even leave scars, my face just looked messed up, for a while. My nose broke for good, never healing correctly, the same with my eye, but I didn't go blind, at least. But my tusks… I kind of wished I had tried to save them,'' he shrugged.
,,… I wish I hadn't done that,'' he said slowly, feeling the troll's big hand on his shoulder. He wanted to tell him that he was sorry, but the words wouldn't roll off his tongue, as if they got swallowed every time he tried. ,,You know, it would be possible to give you fake tusks…'' he tried, fiddling with his shirt, but he knew Seymore wouldn't want that.
,,Yerh, your mother suggested it too, back then. But then, there's no point. Tusk grows a little throughout a troll's life, but I needed to remove one of them completely. And I think the other broke too close to its roots to keep growing. It has been this way for almost ten years now,'' he shrugged, smiling down at the small man. ,,No one really cares about my tusks, except myself, and maybe other trolls. And in reality, they are mostly there to attract mates. I've never been with anyone who thought it was important for me to have big tusks,'' he smiled.
The silence fell again, none of them knowing where to go from here. Nite had a lot of questions, that he very much doubted Seymore would answer. The troll interested him, like magic he couldn't decipher, but if he told him that, Seymore would dismiss him and come up with all these excuses for why he shouldn't care for him like that.
Nite didn't care about age. Seymore looked older than him, sure, and maybe he'd been around for longer, but Nite knew that trolls aged differently. Elves were teenagers for hundreds of years, and no one batted an eye if they were with nearly adults. So why would he care that Seymore was just a couple of years older than himself, mentally?
Maybe because of class difference, he thought. Maybe because they were the same sex? But Nite didn't care about those things. He didn't care about much, anymore, he thought cynically. Maybe he was just selfish?
,,So, ahm…'' the troll finally said, jerking Nite back to reality. ,,I've got some things to take in, I guess. It feels… a little creepy, to be honest. Like I'm being watched, in some sort of sense. But I still really don't get why it would be a problem if you suddenly appeared now if she expects you to do so in a couple of years,'' he said, looking back at the human.
,,… Well, the travel to Aenamo isn't easy. And it would be pretty unlikely that I would have made it,'' he said slowly. ,,If they suddenly see a 15-year-old pop up, then someone would probably contact me. If I could get here, at this age, I should have way more powerful magic, than I really have,'' he said regretfully. ,,I guess… I guess that's why she trains me. So I convincingly can appear in a couple of years!'' he said, getting angry all of a sudden. Anger was so powerful and all-consuming.
He felt Seymore's heavy hand on his shoulder again, so gentle and reassuring. He didn't feel calm, but he felt calmer than before. It had surprised him the first time Seymore had done this, as he wasn't used to any kind of touch. And suddenly the simple gesture had felt overwhelming in many strange ways, and he had to flee. Now it felt familiar, soothing, even though it didn't erase his emotions.
He leaned against the troll's big body, feeling the coarse fingers against his scalp, ever so gently. Like he just knew what Nite needed. Soon his anger towards his mother faded, and he suddenly felt drowsy and spend.
,,Thank you for trying to teach me,'' Seymore said, still stroking his head gently. ,,I think I understand it a little better. But you'll probably still have to explain it to me, at another point,'' he chuckled. Nite liked that sound. ,,… If you want, I can teach you a little about the outside world, as I promised. Or we can do that later if you need a break. You had a pretty rough day yesterday, so I understand if you need some time for yourself.''
,,I do feel rather drained,'' he admitted but didn't move from the troll's embrace. He looked curiously up at Seymore, gently touching his face again. ,,But I don't… really want to be alone, right now. We could go to the library, or something, if you want,'' he said, mindlessly tracing the scar around Seymore's lip, making the troll flustered again.
,,I, ahm… Well, I should be working, I didn't get much done yesterday,'' he tried but didn't pull away from the gentle, cold hands.
,,You always say that,'' Nite scoffed, rolling his eyes. ,,Weren't you supposed to follow my orders while my mother is away?'' Seymore chuckled again, gently guiding the sorcerer's hand to his mouth, before he lovingly placed another kiss on his palm.
,,Well, are you ordering me to be your company?'' he teased gently. It looked like he wanted to play this sort of power game, giving Nite all the control in the world, but the sorcerer didn't want that. He wanted Seymore to be just as irresponsible and young as he knew he really was.
,,No, I don't want it if you're not interested yourself,'' he scoffed. Seymore looked hurt for a moment, surprising the sorcerer a tad. ,,I mean, it's alright. It was just a suggestion. We can do it later, that is,'' he tried.
,,You know it's not that I don't want to spend time with you, right? I'm sorry if it made you feel that way,'' he said gently. ,,You could always hang around while I tend to the castle, but I don't think you'll find it very exciting,'' he smiled.
,,No, then I'd rather study,'' he admitted, rolling his eyes again. ,,And no… I don't always know that,'' he said, looking intensely at the troll. ,,I can read thousands of books, but I don't think I read people very well. Or maybe you're just hard to read, who knows,'' he shrugged, standing up again. He was already leaving the dining area when he heard Seymore behind him:
,,It's not you, Nite. It's just because… I don't want to complicate things,'' he said. There was a quiver in his voice that made Nite turn around, looking back at the flustered troll.
,,Why would it be complicated?'' he asked. ,,What about reading in the library is complicated to you?'' he said, gesturing wildly around him. The troll sighed, looking down at his hands with an unease Nite hadn't expected.
,,You know it's not that I refer to,'' he mumbled. ,,… We keep ending up all tangled together,'' he said slowly. ,,And I like that, please don't misunderstand that. But I like it too much. It's very hard to hold back when we end up like this, and I just… I need space, sometimes, to collect myself, properly,'' he tried to explain.
,,I don't get it, Seymore,'' he whined dramatically. ,,At one hand, you don't want to be lovers. But then you say stuff like this and you're being very… You're being very gentle with me,'' he said, his building anger fading as he muttered the words. ,,If it's because you're afraid of the world out there, then… Why don't you just forget it? Why do you need to be out there? I'm right here, I want… I want to make you happy, for Am's sake!'' he said, almost desperately.
Seymore stood up and walked the short distance between them. He wanted him to grab his shoulders, silently saying that everything would be okay, but he didn't.
,,Let me ask you a question instead: What will you do, when your mother comes home? Because she will be back at some point, you know that. Do you really think she'll just be happy that we're together?'' he asked slowly. ,,Even if she wouldn't mind that you're with a man… do you really, honestly believe that she would be accepting that that man… is me?''
Nite was about to answer, when he paused. He had barely thought about that, it seemed. He had thought Seymore's reasonings were mostly internal, but in some way, he was right. They both knew very well, that although his mother didn't dislike Seymore and very much trusted him, she wouldn't be downright happy to have him as a son-in-law. She would probably not understand it, at best.
,,I don't care if she's happy about it,'' he said instead.
,,You can't say that,'' he sighed. ,,Nite. She can't throw you out. But she can throw me out,'' he said. He then gently cupped the small man's cheek, smiling sadly at him. ,,It's not that I fear losing my job. But… I have to admit… I don't really want to leave you here, alone, with her. I can't take you with me, either. She'll find you, she made that clear to me. And I… I just don't think, that I'm worth it, when I could risk ruining your life so much,'' he said slowly.
,,Fine!'' he scoffed, taking the troll's hand in his own. ,,But why can't we just be… Just be lovers for a while, then?'' he asked, desperation clear in his throat.
,,… You don't want that. Don't tell me you wouldn't try to convince me when she came back, why we could still be together,'' he said slowly. ,,I… I never meant it to be like this. And maybe I should have stopped it at some point, but… I don't really want to stop it… Because I do like spending time with you, in all sorts of ways…''
,,Then why are you so afraid all the time?'' he hissed, tightening his grip on the troll. ,,I'm not fragile!'' Seymore opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, in search of the right words. He seemed frustrated, but tired. His eyes were sad, but they usually were. They weren't sad when they kissed, he thought.
,,Did you get scared, the time I yelled at you? The time you healed my hand, and I got angry? You noticed I was angry, right?'' he asked instead. Nite did remember that.
,,… You surprised me,'' he said.
,,Yerh? Listen, I'm a very different kind of troll, Nite. And you seem to be very insisting, that I am a troll. Which I am, you're not wrong. I have the same rash temper and the same rough tendencies when I have sex,'' he said bluntly, startling the small man. ,,And I don't want to surprise you if I suddenly can't collect myself around you. I'm not dangerous, but I'm prone to react to this overindulgence that I do,'' he explained. He grabbed both of Nite's hands in his, gently squeezing them. Nite faintly remembered when this had been their only form for physical contact. ,,I don't want to hurt you… But I don't want to get hurt, either… I want to keep things simple and nice. I don't want you to think back at… all of this, and think of your first time experiencing any of this was scary or too much.''
,,But I can handle it,'' he said sternly, but Seymore just gently shook his head. ,,… Fine! You're so troublesome,'' he scoffed, pulling his hands away.
,,… I'm sorry…'' he said slowly. ,,I hope… it at some point will make sense…''
Nite didn't answer, he just left again. This time, Seymore didn't stop him. He had hoped he would, because Nite was too proud to turn around and continue their conversation.
Yes, he understood why the troll held back, regarding his mother. But he was sure they could make it work, somehow. Wasn't that what the books always said? Love was all that mattered? He didn't believe that Seymore didn't love him. Regardless of what the troll said, had they met under different circumstances, he was sure Seymore wouldn't have hesitated. Or, at least not as much as he did now…
He felt frustrated when he finally entered his study chamber. Cluttered as always, papers flew everywhere when he walked across the room, making unstable piles of books fall when he slammed the door shut. Defeated, he sat down on his throne, covering his eyes, and tried not to scream.
He didn't doubt that Seymore cared for him. It was another kind of frustration than when his mother was un-respondent to his wishes. He couldn't place this feeling, other than he assumed it was love. And more than anything, he just wanted Seymore to outright say he felt the same way, even if he wouldn't act on it.
But Nite didn't want to change anything. When he didn't get so caught up in being lovers, he just wanted them to talk and laugh, kiss and touch. He wanted Seymore to understand magic, a so vital part of his very being, and he wanted to hear all about what the troll would tell him. About life, about society, but mostly, about himself.
Seymore had taught him that he could live for himself, and no one else. But he didn't want to live by himself. Nite had never had an interest in finding a spouse, but he didn't want a world, where he couldn't be with Seymore, some way or another. The thought of his mother throwing him out was more unsettling than he had first assumed.
He sighed, as he couldn't relax and collect his thoughts around studying. It all seemed so pointless. If this was love, he wasn't even sure he wanted the damn thing, anymore!
At that moment, a weird sound caught his attention. His study chamber was nearly always filled with sounds or smells, due to potions and crystals alike, but he hadn't heard this sound before. Unwillingly, he stood up and tried to locate the strange whisper.
He didn't find anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Truth be told, for a newcomer, like Seymore, Nite's strange way of organizing wouldn't make much sense, but he rarely had trouble finding what he was looking for. He had tried to tidy up the place when Seymore got around more frequently, with the misunderstanding that the troll was a neat freak, but with time, his books and papers scattered across the room, looking like they did before he had done any tidying at all.
The sound suddenly stopped. It didn't alarm him, as much as it irritated him. He looked around his shelves, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Nothing on his desk either.
He sat down on the desk, looking around, listening carefully for the sound to return, but nothing happened. Instead, he began to look at the books and papers on his desk, maybe finding some inspiration and motivation to study whatever was laying around.
When he picked up the black, leathered book, covered in a strange mark, he did briefly remember why he hadn't touched it in months. Every now and then, he would try something new to open it, but nothing seemed to work. It had been like this since he found it, but he had kept it around due to pure stubbornness.
Books would appear and reappear now and again. Nite hadn't thought about any particular reason why this strange book suddenly was on his shelf. But it frustrated him endlessly that it wouldn't open. No spell or magic word he had said, had ever made it budge even a bit.
He didn't even know what the book was about. For all he knew, it could be a decoy, with no information or whatsoever. But much more likely, it withheld some secret form of magic, and with Nite's drive to learn, he couldn't help but to feel excited at the thought of powerful magic, he would be able to read about and learn from.
Maybe he wasn't ready for the book, he thought. Maybe it would open eventually. Maybe it was written in a language he couldn't speak in yet. This was his sole motivator to learn other languages, so he could potentially unlock secrets like this.
Whatever it was, he threw it away, getting angry again. Stupid book, he thought. But then he heard the weird, whispery sound anew. It took him a moment to realize that it came from the floor, from where the book landed. Curiously, he looked down at it again, but it didn't look different from when he threw it.
,,What is this stupid thing?'' he mumbled, picking it up again. There was a slight purple glow on the mark on the cover; a half-moon, which normally was just as dim as the book itself. ,,How do I open this?'' he asked, not expecting an answer, but a light breeze hit him from the cover, just as suddenly as the whisper had come.
Then it hit him; it had been so simple all this time. Why he hadn't thought about that before, he didn't know, but he suddenly became wary of the book, gently placing it on the desk before moving back to his throne.
He hadn't recognized the simple mark, but why should he? There were thousands of marks like this; marks of black magic.
He watched the book intensely, as the glow slightly faded until the mark was dim and silvery again. The whispers stopped, too. He wondered what triggered it, and what would trigger it enough to open?
Did he even want to know that? Where he had been excited a minute ago, was replaced with doubt. Why was this book in his study chamber? Why wouldn't his mother use protection spells against black magic, of all things?
Nite had never been interested in black magic. He had never asked his mother to teach him this, as he was well aware of how dangerous it could be. There were so many types of magic, that he didn't really need black magic, in the end, he thought.
But as he looked at the book, a strange thought occurred. Everything he thought he knew was wrong. Maybe this could restore some balance, in some sort of way. Black magic was powerful, but could be all-consuming. If he was powerful, he could get outside. And if he was powerful enough, it didn't matter if it tried to consume him. He would fight it off.
As he stepped down from his throne, he felt strangely in control, all of a sudden. Like a goal, he hadn't expected he wanted. Nite had never wanted great things, for other reasons than to continue his mother's work. Now, he didn't want that. He wanted something more, something bigger.
He picked up the book again. It felt warm. It began to whisper again, in hushed tones without real words. Then he leaned down, whispering, ever so slightly:
,,I want the whole world to change.''
…
The whispers stopped. A 'click' was heard…