Dastan and I freeze. We're both breathless, our chests rising and falling in a chaotic rhythm. I manage to catch a glimpse of Haider over Dastan's shoulder. He's standing in the doorway to the living room his bag toppled over at his feet, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He looks pale but much better than the last time I saw him. He's staring at Dastan's very naked back with a look of disapproval. Shit. I duck my head again, staring down, it's a bad move because now I'm faced with an eyeful of Dastan's, also very naked, torso.
"What are you doing here?" Dastan asks, his voice sounds strained and winded. I like it but now is not the time for those kinds of thoughts.
"It's my house," Haider shoots back, irately. I can feel Dastan's annoyance in the tension of the muscles beneath my fingers. I don't dare move, I don't know how much of me Haider can see but I'm very aware of the fact that I'm also topless, and I strongly doubt that Haider's looking for a peep show. Instead, I focus on my breathing and hope that if I'm quiet enough he won't realize I'm here.
"I mean, why aren't you at the hospital?" Dastan asks, he's gritting his teeth so hard, sometimes I really feel sorry for his dentist.
"My doctor said I could leave," Haider responds. His voice sounds annoyed, maybe a little upset. "But you'd know that if you'd answer your phone, guess now I know why you didn't." Oh yeah, he's definitely upset. He takes another step into the living room.
"Where's – Oh, jeez, Kiera!" he shouts and moves to step forward again. Suddenly, Dastan is much closer. He lays both his forearms against the wall on either said of my head using his much larger body to shield me from Haider's view. He's so close, his nose a hairsbreadth away from mine, I look at his lips and have to stop myself from kissing him again. I've never been more grateful for his broad shoulders hiding me Haider's all-seeing eyes.
I shout over Dastan's shoulder; "Haider, please turn around!" my voice sounds frantic. Gone is the breathy, rasping tone. Now it's full blown panic.
"What exactly do you two think you're doing?" he ignores me, he sounds livid now. We're in so much trouble. I feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment, "Why is it always me?" he says mores to himself than either of us.
"Please, please just turn around." I shout again, hoping this time he listens.
"Okay fine, I'm not looking!" he shouts back, before turning around and shuffling toward the kitchen doorway. "I promise, I'm not looking!" and then he's gone and it's just Dastan and I.
I tip my head back against the wall, exhaling a sigh of relief and find Dastan looking down at me. His forearms still boxing me in, less than an inch of space between our bodies. I'm not entirely sure I remember how to breathe. His eyes are still dark, hooded with desire but the rest of his face is closed off. "You two get dressed and get your asses in this kitchen." Haider's voice carries through the doorway. "You have five minutes before I come in there and I don't care what you're doing I will drag you both out by your teeth!"
On a scale of one to ten, we are so royally screwed its not even funny. I look away first, breaking eye contact and dropping my hands to his chest. My palms cover the tattoos and I do my best not to stare at them as I give him a little push. He gets the idea and steps back, setting me back on my feet. I pull my bra straps up to preserve what little bit of modesty I have left. It's pointless, the lace does nothing to hide me from Dastan's gaze. Brushing my hair back from my face, I tuck it behind my ears and set off in search of my shirt.
We're both silent, it's awkward and tense. What was I thinking? There was no version of this that could've ever turned out well. Now, we've gone and blown the fragile truce between us. Nice going, Kiera.
Haider's standing against the counter with his arms crossed when we enter the kitchen. Dastan and I haven't looked at each other once and it looks like we're keeping the blinkers on as we sit side by side at the kitchen island across from Haider. He gives us both a reproachful once over. I don't know about Dastan but I could die of shame right here. I feel like a kid that's been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
"Someone want to explain to me what's going on?" he asks after a long, painful silence. I duck my head to hide the heat in my cheeks.
"Nothing," Dastan responds for the both of us. He doesn't sound affected at all, it's such a contrast to the way he looked at me only moments before that I have to look up. I catch Haider's incredulous expression.
"Kiera?" there's so much disapproval in that one little sound that I can't bring myself to respond. Then after a beat: "Where's Zia, by the way."
Oh, no. He thinks I've been slacking off as a babysitter. I jerk upright and rush to explain myself, "She's asleep, I put her to bed about thirty minutes ago… After lunch. She should be up in about an hour or so." My frantic gaze swings to Dastan for back up.
"So, she does speak." Haider exclaims in a deceptively joyful tone. "I'll ask you this one more time; what's going on here?" he asks again. His voice is more forceful as he gestures with his finger between the two of us.
"Uhm-" I clear my throat, tuck my hair behind my ears and suddenly find the frayed knees of my jeans very fascinating. "I-I, I don't know." I mumble. It feels like a lie but I truly don't know how to process what just happened.
"How long has this been going on?" He asks, changing tactics now. His voice is calmer, more sure. I assume this is what he sounds like when he's trying to coax a criminal into confessing. I don't fall into the false sense of security I know he's trying to lure me into, I'm not that dumb.
"What do you mean?" I hedge, better to play it safe. I'm not sure what he's asking and I am genuinely confused but I'd rather not admit to anything at all right now anyway.
He gives me a scathing look, "Since when have you two been sneaking around again?"
At this I look to Dastan for backup. I'm jot sure how to answer that. He doesn't even acknowledge my question look, so that's how it's going to be. "We haven't been."
"My living room wall might tell a different story," Haider frowns, a look of disgust taking over his face and he shakes his head. As if he can shake the image of Dastan and I up against the living room wall out completely. "And God only knows how many other places in my house." The disgust transforms to horror right before my eyes. I have to bite back a smile, he's such a dad.
We should just put him out of his misery, the last thing I need is for him to think this has been an ongoing thing. He'd probably have an aneurysm. As it is, I can see that little vein beating in his forehead. "Haider, we're not-" I start trying to reassure him. I don't get a chance to finish, Dastan interrupts, saying:
"This is the first time I've so much as looked at her that way since I've been back." There's a tightness in his voice that has me on high alert. He sounds upset. Whether that's at me or himself, or even his father… I'm not sure.
Haider levels him with a dark look, "And you expect me to believe that after what I just saw?"
"I don't really care what you believe right now."
Well, this escalated quickly. So much for reassuring him. Dastan sounds like he's intentionally trying to piss his father off. Maybe, he's spoiling for a fight since our little argument spiraled entirely out of control.
"Does Anne know what you've been up to since she went back home?" That's a low blow, even for a Haider. I lower my eyes, ashamed of the fact that it's likely I've just helped Dastan cheat on Anne. Embarrassment l, anger, and humiliation form a toxic cocktail in the pit of my stomach.
"Anne and I know where we stand, our relationship wasn't meant to last once I came back here." Dastan respond without missing a beat, I stare at the side of his head trying to figure out if he's lying. His face is completely at ease; calm and restrained. So, Anne was telling the truth about their relationship, now isn't the time to think of this.
"And what about you and Connor?" Haider turns his death glare on me. At least, here I know I'm not on the wrong.
I clear my face of any trace of emotion, meet Haider's eyes so he can tell I'm being honest and say; "Connor and I aren't dating, we're just casually seeing each other."
He purses his lips for a moment then changes tactics again. Is this what it feels like to be interrogated by one of city's finest? "I thought you two hated each other now," his words are like a punch to the gut. Dastan does still hate me, or at least he did the last time I checked. So, why did he kiss me. A horrible quietness descends over all three of us as the truth of those words sink in. Bile burns at the back of my throat, I'm going to be sick.
"We don't exactly hate each other-" I begin but once again Dastan cuts me off.
In a bored voice, so tiresome you'd think he was talking about taxes, he says; "And?"
"And that didn't look like two people who wanted nothing to do with each other." Haider had a point. Why did he kiss me? Why did I allow it? Why did it feel so good? And most importantly, why do I want to do it again?
"That was just physical, don't read too much into it. It's not that deep." Dastan answers, and my heart plummets. I don't know what I was expecting, clearly it wasn't that. I keep my head down, I can feel Haider's eyes on me. I don't want him to think that what happened out there means something more to me than Dastan's suggested so I work on controlling my emotions. After a moment, he clears his throat and I have to look up. Whatever he sees in face, makes him sad.
"Alright, look I don't give a damn about either of your relationships or whatever you're feeling for each other. But I don't ever want to see anything like that again. Am I clear? Figure out whatever the hell this thing is between you and make a proper decision about it and no more of… that!" He makes one last frantic gesture between us, huffs a tired breath and then turns and stalks back into the living room.
Dastan and I sit in the ensuing silence, neither of us willing to break it or acknowledge what happened between us only moments before. I'm an idiot, I should know better than to go down this route with Dastan again. We always do this, around and around, and we end up breaking each other every single time. This time won't be any different, I need to stop lying to myself.