If you look at how I look now, I look like a funny child who has never tried street foods. The type of emotion that is so much excitement and your mom took you to town. My feet seemed to be sprinkled with salt and I could feel the racing rats in my chest praying that Asher and I would spend more time together without a fuss. I never thought this day would come that we were the only ones together and I agreed with him when he asked me. It was as if it had just been filled with my fantasies suddenly came true.
We took off to the row of street food vendors near where we used to eat noodle soup days had passed. The area was clean. No plastics, papers and spilt food or drinks. Proper waste disposal was also observed.
There are some students from different schools, family, office workers and many more chose to eat street foods.
If you wish to eat affordable and ready to eat foods, then street foods suit you that makes someone drool.
Asher gets three large disposable glasses and sticks. Like me, he preferred to put the food into the disposable glass and put some sauce after. Not kind of immersing the food into the sauce and abruptly eat it.
"Just get what you want, it's on me," I tried to hide my smile but in the end, I ended up smiling when a contagious smile flashed on me. "Here."
I received the disposable glass and sticks he's giving me. "No, I will pay."
"Andrea, I'm the one who asked you to eat so it's on me," he insisted and didn't argue anymore. Boys will always be boys. They don't let girls pay when they are the ones who asked to eat.
Speaking of asking me, did he mean other things? Not just asking me as a friend?
I shook my head wanting to erase the idea that popped in my head. Maybe Asher was like that. Maybe Asher just treat me the way he treated others. I was contented with this feeling inside me hoping that it won't explode and break the wall built.
"Hey," I noticed that Asher waved her hand in front of my face. Do I space out?
He poked the chicken balls, fish balls, cheese sticks, Adidas or chicken feet and fried squid.
"Sweet and spicy sauce or spicy sauce?" he asked.
"Spicy sauce for me," I got the food he's holding and exchange with the two disposable glass I'm holding and put a spicy sauce each. He paid for our bill and we went to the lined-up table and chair. We sat on a vacant near the vendor who was selling sorbetes or dirty ice cream.
Dirty ice cream isn't so dirty after all. Only to distinguish this treat from store-bought "clean" ice cream, the name is employed. Coconut or powdered milk, as well as cassava flour, are commonly used to make sorbetes.
"You want?" Asher looked at me and nodded. He place the sauce on the table and went near Uncle vendor.
He sat back holding different ice cream flavours. Strawberry for me and cheese for him.
"Thanks," I said as if began licking the ice cream. "It's been many years since the last time I eat street foods. I think when I was still in Junior High with Amber. You fond of this?"
"Sort of, though mom always telling me not to eat too much," instead of licking his ice cream, he bite a little bit of it.
"Yeah, the same with Auntie Julie," I paused. "I didn't know if she was protective of me or not, guiding me to the right path or not. Adulthood stage is kind of unexplainable."
He chuckled that made music into my ears. A radiant smile escaped from my lips.
"You are more beautiful when you smile," a compliment from Asher felt like the blood in my body rushed into my face and flatter my heart. The word beautiful comforted me and brought me beyond happy given the fact that Asher was the one who said it. But a sudden realization hit me. As if the fishball I'm eating was a block and a huge lump on my throat. I deep sighed.
"You're just saying that because you don't want to offend me with the truth," I rebutted.
"Sometimes beauty was not defined in physical appearance. It was just a bonus. Real beauty is when you accept that you have flowed, that you are imperfect trying to do the best to please God, that you're loving yourself and that you're not defining yourself based on other's standards. Real beauty is within itself," he said out of nowhere. I secretly smiled at his thoughts. Yes, it was. But the sad truth is the world is so cruel. It's hard to deal with because it was very critical. I was born in that world.
Somehow, for some reason, it gave me warmth and comfort because I didn't remember the last time I felt it. I have no memories of it. And all of a sudden, Asher whom I admired for year's felt a warmth and comfort, who would expect out of all people I knew.
"But I heard you have a crush," he paused and continue to bite the remaining fried squid on his disposable glass. I didn't answer because I don't want to spill the hidden truth I've burying for years. "Well, it's normal. I also admiring someone."
It was as if my tongue had suddenly receded.
We were all done eating and we were walking home but I never asked him who he was referring to. Maybe my heart will hurt even more when I find out who it is and I'll be starting to compare again how worthless I am.
I'm also a little frightened to know the truth. I just want to enjoy the rest of the time.
Past six and Asher offered to drop me at home no matter what I tried not to.
"Where do you live?"
"Just there," I replied. "How about you?"
"Secret," he playfully said. "Maybe you will visit me. I don't want your crush to know, he might beat me up."
I slightly chuckled. I wonder if how would you react if I will tell you. "Just once."
"The harsh thing is I won't let it happen. I'll be honest and let her know. Maybe, eventually, she will like me." Another strike. Another reason for me to move on by myself. All this time, Shantal was telling the truth and now, it was like a slapped on my face.
Who would reject Asher? She's so stupid, if ever. That's all I know.
"Andrea, why doesn't she like me? Am I not likeable?" he beamed and I shrugged as an answer. "I treated you street food. I accompanied you on a walk, where is the justice?"
I just shook my head because he was so petty. "I didn't know that you have this kind of side of yours."
He chuckled and suddenly blew loudly making some leaves of the tree went to his face. I looked at him and I can't help but to chuckled as well.
Somehow, I felt okay.
Somehow, I felt okay even if he like someone else. Because I know there is no hope at all.
But, no matter how many times I have left reality and how happy I am now, the pleasure is fleeting because I will return to the truth that my life is a curse.
I noticed a car approaching us because of its light. On the drive, Asher and I take a step back.
Because the sun was setting, I didn't notice the car at first. But it wasn't until it got closer that I recognized who the car's owner was.
It was Auntie Julie.
Auntie dropped the window as the automobile came to a halt in front of Asher and me. She looked at me seriously and to Asher. She's like mad. No, she always got mad at me.
My chest began to throb.
"Get in, Andrea," Auntie Julie authoritatively said. I got in the car without saying anything. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to Asher.
Five minutes.
That's how long it takes for us to arrive home. I didn't know if how will I explained what she saw. I didn't grab exact words to utter. If Auntie acted furiously and do not say anything, it means I did something worst than I expected.
She parked the car in the garage and went inside the house so I followed.
"Where did you go? Your class ended at five, tell me?" Auntie asked. It took me by surprise that's why I flinched when I heard her voice shouting at me.
"School, Auntie," I said trying my best not to stutter.
"School? Do you think I will believe your nonsense answer? I'm not an idiot, Andrea. Do you think that I won't notice it? Do you think I won't know that you always come home late?" I bowed down my head because of her remarks and to her facial expression. For a second, I can't move. "Who was that guy? Don't tell me that at a young age?" She looked at me from head to toe.
"It's not what you think, Auntie. No," I insisted though I know Auntie will believe what she want to believe.
"You're just like your mom," she exclaimed. I looked at Auntie but nagging eyes welcomed me. It was as if something heavy had hit my chest and my hands started to tremble.
Hearing that I was like my mom made me want to cry but no tears won't fall. I was like my mom in what way?
"You're nothing but a pain in the ass," Auntie Julie remarked before going to their room leaving me down founded. The helpers inside the house didn't mind the scene and just do their chores. Maybe they are used to it.
I went to my room to get change and proceed to my daily household chores routine as if nothing happened.
After dinner, I tried to finish all my remaining projects in school but I had to stop because my mind was wandering around. It was likened to an empty blank slate.
I hate it. I hate when I was acted like this. It's better if I just cry than like this. I almost jumped in panic when I heard my phone ring. An unknown caller. A persistent caller.
I reached for my phone and decided to answer the caller.
But when I heard who was the caller, my empty blank slate mind turned into a full of colourful possibilities and hope.
It was Asher.