It was a quick call. I made an alibi for me to end the conversation shortly.
Auntie Julie was right. I was too young to tolerate my feelings. I still don't have to be proud of.
I sighed and go back to what I was doing. But my attention drifted when my phone was beeping. I reached it and I saw a notification that my friend request had already been accepted.
It was Asher.
My hand automatically tap on his account and stalked him. Most of the photos were shared posts and memes. What caught my attention was his single post last week! A silhouette of him with a caption "Looking at her from afar.'
Most of his classmates and friends commented on his post. Some mentioned names. Others mentioned the nickname of the girl. They even tease him to confess because they are sure that the feeling is mutual.
I smiled bitterly that my crush didn't like me back. It was a good decision, then that I ended the call quickly. Because a part of me want to proclaim that it was me. But it's bad to assume.
I suddenly felt my heart exploded and I'm shaking. I close the Facebook application and try to divert my attention to my projects but my mind was hanging.
I didn't know what to react and I felt empty. It this not new to me that my crush didn't feel the same. I experienced it before.
I only know the pain is really when someone else wants what you want. It hurts to always make me look like he wants someone else even when I first found out he likes someone. This isn't the way I'm supposed to feel. It's not as if we share the same emotions. My limits are well-known to me. I'm confident that no one will look at me. He was pleasant, but he treated me as if I were a girl who had been assigned to clean the school auditorium as a punishment.
Days had passed and our path didn't cross. I became busy since there are more and more things to finish and pass.
We were currently having our class in Business Finance. It was group work so we are obliged to form a circle and plan for our assigned task. I'm glad that I'm group with Amber but Gelou and Shantal were included and I have no choice. Amber became the leader and I'm the assistant. I was taking notes for the suggestions of the group that we'll have to do for the task.
"It was better if we'll present per category," Gelou proudly suggested and all agreed with her. "I told you."
"Hey, Andrea don't forget to write it down," Shantal added. She has not yet said, it is done.
The earlier serious atmosphere was replaced by noise. You would think that if a frog moved forward in the water and made a noise and even the others were squirming with excitement, that's what happened nor did my groupmates escape.
"Quiet class, mind your own business," Sir Ford said authoritatively and our classroom filled with silence. But I can see that my classmates are throwing glances at the intruder.
"Andrea, look! Your crush is there," Amber whispered, enough for me to hear. A group of STEM strand students invade the classroom because Sir Ford handle their Pre-Calculus subject.
I nudge Amber in her elbow and she flinched. "Amber."
"Okay, okay!"
I looked at the group of Asher and Sir Ford was discussing something with them. Asher listened seriously and suddenly glance exactly at my eyes then looked away. The same happened the second time our eyes hit before they leave. The coldness of his eyes and not like before that his eyes were always smiling. It seems that in days gone by, suddenly something has change that I can't pinpoint.
"He looked at me."
"You look crazy, he wants someone else."
"He seems to have been rejected."
"The nerve of that girl who rejected my prince charming? Who is she and I will strangle her?" Gelou and Shantal, the queen of gossip, whispering with each other that I heard.
"Hey, Andrea, why are you listening to our conversations? Tell me, do you like Asher? Is he your crush?" Gelou interrogated me, enough not to create a scene.
I looked at her without uttering a single word. She was about to say something when Sir Ford announced dismissing us after arranging our chairs. When our teacher went out and Gelou came near me.
"Do you think that ugly face of yours, Asher will look at you? Dream on. Wake up, will you?" Gelou added and pushed me back. I unexpectedly swayed my hand touching the chair on my left causing it to fall over creating a scene in the classroom. She looked at me from head to toe.
"Did I say anything?" I defended. I shot a death glare at her. Not, now. No, never. I don't want to go to the guidance office again. I have no guts to face another punishment.
"Don't ever deny it because I saw you glancing at him?" Shantal even stop her but she didn't mind.
"Gelou, will you stop this nonsense fight? Do you think that is the right thing to do? Do you think Asher will like you back?" Amber interfered.
"Amber, don't make yourself involved. I just want to remind your stupid friend that Asher is mine. Only mine," she took a single step and tap my head before going back to her designated chair.
I bowed my head and went to my chair. So Amber followed me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
Sometimes, life is so cruel to me. Sometimes, I lose the right to look at things. Simple smiles, laughter, looks and hopes are tainted by misunderstanding and misinterpretation.
But I didn't know what happened next.
The rest of the day became peaceful. No one dare to inform our adviser or any teachers what had happened. Everything my classmates heard and saw seemed like nothing had happened. Even Sheldon, who was always the one who tripping me, didn't join the conversation or just complained. I don't know if I will be grateful or not.
The much-awaited time, the bell rang five minutes later. Everyone was preparing their things and about to go home after cleaning every group's designated area.
Amber and I walking in the hallway going to the exit gate.
"I told you not to be nice all the time. Try to fight for yourself, Andrea. They always tend to see you soft. If someone was nice to you, show that your nice attitude is what they deserve. If not, then don't," Amber lectured me.
"Yeah, I know," I responded.
"You knew but you didn't do," she cared for me.
Amber and I became friends for how many years and I was grateful for what kind of friendship we have. I knew who I would be and what I would do when I was with her. She was always there for me, reminding me and making sure I was okay. It was so simple to picture her without me. However, I would be scared if I pictured myself without her. This is a school where I would not be able to survive. If one of the blessings came is that I found friendship with her.
As soon as arrive home, I saw in front of the house three cars. The blue sports car was familiar to me but the other two was not. Before I step my feet inside the house, I saw familiar faces and I suddenly felt embarrassed. My feet were glued to the ground and struggling to take a small step. Frida noticed me so she grab me gently and introduced me to her visitor.
"She's my sister. Her name is Andrea." All of them smiled and greeted me.
"Hello, nice meeting you all," I said. I looked at the kitchen and I saw Auntie Julie was busy entertaining the other visitors, which was my sister's boyfriend family. Then, I look back at the two men alternately and I don't know who Dondi is. The other guy was sitting beside the girl I saw before in front of an apartment while the other guy was sitting on the next couch.
My question in mind is answered when Frida sit beside the guy who's sitting alone.
"I'm Milo, Dondi's twin and she's my girlfriend," pointing at the girl while smiling.
The only mark that differentiated between Milo and Dondi was Milo has a dimple on both cheeks while Dondi has only one, on his left cheeks and a mole beside his dimple.
Milo was good looking like Dondi. At first glance, you won't figure out if who's Dondi or Milo but when you came to use it, their differences appear.
"I'll just go to my room," I said as I excused myself because Auntie Julie might get furious if I'm still wearing a uniform while talking to the visitors. My eyes hit Auntie whose eyes were shining with joy as Frida and Dondi got back together and the wedding was sure to continue. Everything fall into places as my sister wished for. The only thing I could do was to support what makes her happy.
"Sure," Frida answered as she was smiling from ear to ear. I'm glad that her smile came back. Gone are those days and weeks that Frida was like a walking zombie. Gone are those nights that I heard her crying alone in her room when I don't know how to console her. Gone are those moments that she's pretending to be fine and faking her smiles.
I'm happy for my sister.
But seeing how happy is Frida now, you won't expect that what she had been through.
One thing, I realized when falling too deep, you couldn't get up and it's hard to keep things when everything falls apart.