I've always been different, I like cloudy days, sad music, and color black. I'm what they called "Emo", I like stuff that seems fatal emotionally.
My black hair is so long that it hides my eyes, my clothes are all black and my courier bag only occupies a paper and a pen, for poems and songs.
. . .
I know that I'm an Emo. . .yet, I fell in love with a troublesome girl, she wears a super short skirt, she always put two ponytail braids on her blonde dyed hair, she wears a thick lipstick while slurping a lollipop, she's currently sitting on her crush's desk and that seriously made my heart ache.
I didn't know that love would be this unexpected, it's unpredictable yet unmistakable, this so-called "Love" made my heart race fast, and sometimes it made my heart feels like getting penetrated by millions of needles, it's as if I was in heaven then a sudden thrust to hell, like a wheel where I'll feel high and mighty then down like a loser.
. . .
Today, I'll try my best to confess, so that either my feelings will get through her then we'll have a relationship or she'll reject me and that'll end my feelings for her, but of course, the process and time I needed to accept the truth might end up being a month or so, maybe. . .just maybe.
I placed my invite letter on her shoe locker so she'll see it surely. The letter was a poem of an invite to the rooftop of the so-called "haunted building" and of course I wrote it on a black paper.
I entered the old building and saw her waiting, it's supposed to be on the rooftop but. . .
I approached her and she gave me a beautiful but fake smile, with that, I already know that she's disappointed. . . It hurts.
" T-Trishka-san I like you, will you Go OUt with me?!"
I said it!!! I finally said it!!! Though my voice cracked, it doesn't change the fact that I finally said it!!
She scoffed and laughed at me for seconds before saying " seriously? Like hell I would!! I heard your father's a drunker and you, yourself is trash, besides, someone as good looking at me(she pointed at herself) go out with a shitty shut-in like you(she pointed at me). . . Yuck!! No way! No way at all Ewww"
What she said was true but why does it hurt so bad??, I thought I already got used to it. Is it because it's from the girl I like?.
She walks towards me and shoves up my bangs, now I can finally see her beautiful face, it's a bit blurry because my eyes started to well up tears, but I could say that her face is as red as a tomato, it was beautifully enchanting but why? Why do I feel my heart throbbing instead of feeling the fluttering butterflies?.
" Y-you're ha-"
" I'm sorry. . ." I apologized as I bow, I didn't even let her finish.
I ran away without turning back after I apologized. . .
The pain I feel right now is way too depressing, does that mean I mustered up all my confidence to say how I feel for nothing but a mock? Is that it? Will I try again? No! I won't try again! I won't fall in love with anyone! Not now; Not ever! I swear!.
I'm no idiot to try to fall in love again. . . probably.
I want to sleep in a coffin forever, dreamlessly.
Just when I was thinking about death, I saw my drunk father walking wobbly on the road when a sudden fast truck was about to hit him, I ran as fast as I can to save my beloved father. . .
I succeeded!! He's saved but . . . I was run over by that truck and my father who I saved, ran away without looking back. . .
I was laying in the middle of the road, I feel my body being numb and cold, it wasn't that terrifying, but the people who are looking at me worriedly was the thing I'm scared of.
It's terrifying, seeing them show affection only in my last minute of life, if it's like this, I wish I could die every day.
Then the darkness swallowed me entirely. . .
. . .
I woke up inside a space, a space of nothingness. . .it was a giant room of white light, it's so bright that it's terrifying. I tried to look around but it's the same. . . everything is white that it's blinding.
In the depths of whiteness, black smoke started to form like a human. A man, it's a man! he knocked on the white space and a black door opened rashly with a squeaky sound.
" If it's like this, you'd like to die every day? Is that your wish? You don't even want to live anymore?. Your heart and resolves are like a tight knot, a real pain to untangle. You live your life like a worm, a loser, a lowlife, but you know yourself that you could do better, you want people to like you, is that not it?" Asked the shadow as he walk inside a dark space beyond the door, I followed behind when he gestured me to come, like an abyss, it sucked us down almost like a whirlpool.
To be honest, what he just said is way too much, I feel like three boulders were dropped on my head with the words "worm","loser", and "lowlife".
"Some people who are transmigrated has too much pride in themselves and that results in them their transmigration, people who aren't satisfied on their previous life are the ones who are most likely to be reincarnated, and those ones that have a powerful soul are the ones that are likely to get summoned to other worlds. Now tell me, what kind of soul are you?" The black man asked me as we fall through the never-ending blackness.
I don't know what to answer, that's for sure.
I don't have that much pride in myself, I don't think I'm strong nor unsatisfied with my life. Maybe I could say that I'm contented?. And I don't think my soul is strong either.
"I'm unsatisfied" I answered, although it's not me who answered, it's my mouth, it moved and uttered words on its own.
"Then prepare to be born once more" he once again spoke, after that, he faded away like a real smoke.
. . .