Chereads / cancer journey / Chapter 12 - Chapter Eleven

Chapter 12 - Chapter Eleven

A little piece of the old me back ;

I still somehow struggle with all of that. My biggest struggle somedays has been that i just dont feel like myself anymore. My hair isn't the same. My body doesn't feel the same. All in all I'm not the same. My long hair was my charm, my shield against the world and all its negativities. So once i was told i would be losing it i was so sad and started to feel my depression creeping in. My anxiety was out of control. Every morning was a struggle to start my day. But as soon as i decided to let go of my hair and go bald it was an instant boost of confidence as i looked in the mirror for the first time, and seeing myself hairless. The fear of Oh no! i will look ugly, people will look at me, strangers will judge me, just all the silly thoughts went out of the window. Because i knew i was still me, and damn did i look good. losing my hair was not a choice that i made. However, i made the choice to embrace my baldness.It took loosing my hair due to chemo to realise how beautiful i am. Beauty is not measured by length of one's hair . You are beautiful with or without hair. You are attractive with or without hair. You are VALID with or without hair. People will talk no matter what you do in life, its what you do about it that matters and well i choose to say Go away ! And live my life to the fullest with love and understanding in my heart.

I was sick. I was inside a body I didn't recognise. I was and am emotionally exhausted. But I'm learning to love my new self and cope with the changes. On my hardest days i promise, to remind myself how far i have come i will continue to dream big and chase my goals. I will go easy on myself and enjoy the ride. Positive growth and acceptance is possible :)