I was scrolling through my photos on my phone the other day and came across one. I was happy, healthy and i felt beautiful. But now i look nothing like i did in that picture, truth is, i cried so much when looking at that photo. A huge part of this chemo and Radiation experience is pain and suffering that comes with it. Physically i am feeling better and much stronger. But the truth is, i am in so much emotional pain. I tried so hard to stay strong, positive, But, whenever i tried to keep myself together, i would mentally break down and cry. I have struggled to come to terms and acceptance of this happening. I was sick of having needles poking me everyday. I was sick of poison being injected into my body. I was sick of feeling like a zombie. I am sick of staying in isolation for the majority of time. I was sick of having no hair. I feel like a prisoner in a body that i no longer own. I am so tired.
But, Today i celebrate the fact that I'm still here. Finally happy and thriving again. Finally recovered. Everything about my life has changed. Continuing to get better and better everyday in every way ! Cancer was a huge life changing experience for me. But in retrospect it ended up making me stronger person and forced me to re-evaluate and better my life. Nothing can keep me down.