My jaw almost dropped, as I realised that Mina and Marriel stood right behind me.
I could see through their facial expressions, that they were wondering if anything was fine.
No.
Nothing was fine.
"'Blazing..hells..?", Marriel asked.
I turned around. Also just realising that I said something like this in such a situation.
"Hm?", I asked.
"Did you say blazing hells, my Lady?", Mina asked.
"I said what?", I asked.
I know what I said. Please just ignore it.
"Nevermind", Mina said. She still looked at me confused as if I said something out of this world.
Well, I actually am out of this world.
I turned around. I slowly checked myself again.
No one talked about the beauty of Lady Zephyra.
Calm, yet intimidating, hazel almond eyes, with a little hint of green in them.
Her eyes would be golden if the sun would shine on them.
Wavy long light brown hair. And outgrown curtain bangs.
Her body seemed pretty weak.
I think I have to work out.
She had a very shiny, and clean skin.
Like a baby skin.
She had long, curly lashes.
She was beautiful.
Maybe her personality was bad, that's why no one noticed.
But it was also terrifying.
It wasn't me.
I was staring at some stranger and also being in her body.
As if the appearance of my old self would fade away into dust.
Now I couldn't identify with this body nor my old body.
As if I was stuck in a trance, just existing.
Existing for someone else.
For Zephyra, not me.
I forgot how I looked like.
How my old self looked like.
Desperately trying to find my old body while touching my face, my hands.
I frightened at this view.
My hands got sweaty and I could feel the heat coming up.
I looked up again. I looked pale.
Not now. You can not break down now. Not yet.
They are watching.
I turned around, stood in a confident pose.
"What should I wear today?", I asked energetic.
At my sudden energy boost, they didn't know how to answer.
Of course they can't.
Not even I know how to act.
I don't know myself anymore. But I can't be seen through. I can't be suspicious.
I made my way to the dresses. Marriel and Mina stood there, speechless.
Suddenly Mina spoke up.
"What about something green today?"
"Not bad but... I want to have a change of pace. How about this?"
I showed them a dark purple dress. Not too shiny not too plain. Perfect to take a stroll and show up.
"Y-Yes it is really good. It would really fit you my Lady!", Mina said. At first she was nervous but later on she really saw that it was indeed a wonderful dress.
It's the only normal one here.
"It looks beautiful, my Lady", Marriel said.
She was a calm person and always had a neutral face but everyone could see that her eyes sparkled when we were talking about dresses and me dressing up.
I dressed up with their help.
Now Marriel's eyes were shining more.
"My Lady... You look beautiful. Almost breathtaking."
"Yes, indeed", Mina said, almost fangirling.
I gave them a huge smile and thanked them.
Now I had to face one of the most difficult parts.
The aristocratic family Newsburgh.
The family which knows me, no Zephyra, the best.
I continued with my act, as if nothing happened.
"I'm really hungry right now. Let's go to the dining hall", I said calmly.
They nodded.
Since Mina knew I had a memory loss she was now in front of me.
Marriel followed us from behind.
Apparently, I was on the second floor. The dining hall was on the first floor.
As we arrived, I just stood there for a minute.
The door was now bigger than the others I've seen before.
Since I entered this world, I was drowning in fear.
I'll never get used to it.
I knocked twice.
Silence.
I flinched at the sudden opening of the door.
A man—no a butler opened the door.
Up until now I was holding my breath.
I let it out and took a deep breath as I carefully headed towards the grand dining table, where a total of three people sat.
Act like Zepyhra.
Or like any other noble lady.
I straightened my back, walked slowly and lifted my chin up and tried to forget all of my worries.
But as if my mind wanted quite the opposite, all the worries came up.
Will I be able to do it?
Will they believe me?
How did she even behave?
Do I have to stay in this mansion forever?
In this Empire?
In this world?
I want to go back.
I miss them so much, my heart hurts.
Is my body already dead there?
If yes, my aunt must've fallen into sorrow and guilt.
How she couldn't protect the last thing remaining from her best friend.
Be both clung on each other.
Hoping the memories and the face of my mother, her best friend, wouldn't fade away.
The first person who never turned her back on me.
The first person, who supported me until the end.
Helped me to recover even the tiniest bit of my trauma.
Although she had her own problems.
"I'm sorry aunt Sarah", I said under my breath, so that no one could hear me.
I'm sorry for just caring about myself.
Desperately wanting your love I couldn't get from my childhood.
You deserved better.
If I'm dead, I'm truly sorry.
I didn't want to die after you entered my life.
But I guess my previous prayers were heard.
I'm sorry. For leaving you in such a cruel world alone.
I blinked a few times, so that my piled up tears would disappear.
Not now. Not yet.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I atleast hope that you can move on.
I'm sor-
"Zephyra", a deep voice dragged me out of my thoughts.
I widened my eyes.
Before I could even realise it, I arrived at the table, standing near one side of the table, on the other side in front of me, where I assumed the grand duke was, sat.
Pull yourself together.
With a forced smile, I bent down a little.
Not too much, not too less.
"Good morning, father", I said in a positiv tone.
I hoped that at least this father loved me as a daughter.
"Good morning my dearest daughter."