How was I supposed to know that future vision wasn't going to be helpful when I really needed it? Everything was just slowly falling apart. After walking out on Chloe and Jayden the other day, I tried my best to stay away from the two of them. Chloe and I used to have at least three classes together, but now we only have one together. One the other hand, now Jayden and I have note classes together. It's going to be harder to avoid him. He is the one that I need space from the most. I've never actually been in a relationship, but i've gone to therapy long enough to know that what we have is toxic. I want to be his friend but he isn't dealing well with recent developments. After that kiss he's been acting weird around me. Honestly I can't blame him, but it's the way he looks at me. When we're in class he'll sit away from me, but I can always feel him staring at me. When I would turn to look at him he would lock eyes with me for a brief moment and then turn away. I never confronted him about it, but i'm positive that he knew it made me uncomfortable. I guess that's why he was doing it? To get back at me for walking out on him? I tried my best to just ignore him, but it never stuck. I wish Chloe felt the need to bother me to come back to her, but she won't even look in my direction. It's like I no longer matter to her. She ignores my entire existence, like we'd never even known each other. Honestly, the two of them have been stressing me out so bad that i've been losing sleep over it. Alice has been giving me shit about how I look and how it reflects on the family as a whole. I wanted to rip her throat out. Since I can't sleep, I've been studying and cramming for tests that are still weeks away. Other than that, i've been trying to get my stupid power to work. I try every night, but I still haven't gotten it to work. I'm beginning to feel this sense of hopelessness, like i'm falling into an endless abyss. Everytime I try to sleep i'm faced with a suffocating amount of fear. I ask myself all sorts of terrifying questions. What if I go back into the dark? What if my dream comes true and Chloe goes missing? What if it's all my fault?
"Would she ever be able to forgive me if I caused her death?" everything from there is just a blur of self-loathing and blame that I couldn't put on anyone but myself. Every night was the same. After a few weeks of no sleep, my mind and body went into auto-pilot. I didn't have to think to know what to do, I just did it. My body moved on it's own and I gave up on trying to care. Even like this I couldn't sleep, but at this point it didn't even matter. I didn't think about any of my many problems. I didn't care about Jayden staring at me or Chloe ignoring me, not even Alice disappearing for long periods of time on her days off. It made me think and I didn't want it all to come back to me.i no longer remember what was so important about any of these people.
"Alex? Sweetie, are you okay? Can you hear me?" my eyes blurred as I looked up at my gym teacher. She stood over me with one of the male gym teachers next to her. It took me a moment to realize that I was lying on the floor. I looked to my right to see a crowd of people around me. Through the crowd I spotted Jayden sitting on the bleachers. He was staring at the mob of people around me, but refused to come to see for himself. My eyes began to well up with tears. I lost control of my life and i'm paying for it. I can't sleep, i've lost my friends and I can't remember the last few days. At that moment my whole body began to ache in the worst possible way. I couldn't move.
"Please! Please help me! Everything...everything hurts!" tears streamed down my face. My hearing kept going in and out. I could hear faint voices as the teachers yelled at the students to back away. I must have fallen unconscious because when I opened my eyes again I was being loaded into an ambulance. There were teachers and students standing at the school entrance watching as I was taken away like this for the second time. The only difference between both times is that I did this to myself. Alice is going to be furious with me. I hope it won't be as bad as it was last time. I don't think I can deal with the extra stress. The man in the ambulance held my hand and gave me a calming smile, but he couldn't hide the worry in his eyes. I guess that means that it's worse than I thought. I guess I could die. Would that make things better? Was this the answer all along? Maybe it would be better...if I just let go.
"Don't worry, Alex. We just got a hold of your mother. She's on her way." I shook my head disapprovingly. He didn't understand and leaned in close.
"Don't tell her where I am." he jerked his head back and pulled away from me. He looked up at the driver before sighing and gently squeezing my hand.
"I'm sorry, but you're still under aged and besides...we've already spoken to her while you were out of it. She's coming." I sighed and looked up at all of the medical gear they had. What would they do if my heart were to stop right now. This man seems to actually care that i'm too damaged to want to keep going. Would he let me go if I told that that's what I wanted? Would he let me go even if he had to deal with Alice when she arrived? I would ask, but everything's is going dark. Guess I couldn't keep the darkness away for too long. Is this really okay?