"Amelia this is going to be a bit difficult for you" Ray spoke underneath his breath. Apparently, he was going to tell me some big truth about my life.
"More difficult than you using me?" I blurted, retracting myself immediately. I was not prepared for my own response. I cringed in my seat. 'What was my idiotic mind up to now?'
"It's going to be hard to hear" he replied after a moment of silence. He was so emotionless, so numb and cold.
I frowned, pain pricking at my chest. How could he be? Did I mean nothing to him? I closed my eyes briefly, this wasn't even his fault. It was all mine, he kept pushing me away and I kept forcing him. I could slap myself.
"Your mom…"
"Shut up" I snapped, pouncing up from the table. My eyes popped and my head began to spin. I felt as if someone was peeling the flesh from my heart and I stumbled back, balancing myself to prevent a fall. 'It was all my fault, all my fault, she trusted me and I… I.'
"Amelia, you're crying" I heard him say, getting up from his chair and I wiped my cheeks, completely oblivious to the fact that I was.
"Was this your intention? Is this what you want?!" I yelled at him, my anger bursting through my shield but he didn't answer. "Don't you dare speak about my mother; you know nothing about her" I spat, walking past him and towards the door.
"I know everything about you" he spoke so fast, I almost didn't understand him. I turned to face him, he wasn't so calm anymore; he was nervous, flustered, and vulnerable.
"What did you just say?" I probed and he took a deep breath
"Sit" he gestured to the chair "Please"
I folded my arms across my chest "I'll stand"
"Mia sit" He commanded and I felt compelled to. It was the first time he had ever raised his voice at me, it felt too serious not to follow his instructions, even under our current circumstances. I reluctantly returned to my chair but he didn't speak. He just looked at me, his face getting redder every second.
"Ray?" I questioned with concern; he ran a hand through his hair before pinching his ear lobe and stepping back. He closed his eyes and grunted. I held my breath, watching his every move.
"Is this what you want?" he asked finally
"What?" I probed in a whisper and he slammed his palms unto the table, his breathing becoming uneven and forced.
"What do you want from me?" he snapped "Why does it have to be so difficult with you?"
I swallowed hard. "I didn't start this, you did, remember?" I retorted, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. "Why don't you just leave? Leave me alone! Stop showing up! You're everywhere and it's annoying!" I got up and screamed
"I can't" he yelled back
I laughed sarcastically "I'm not holding you. Do you see any strings?"
"Stop this" he demanded, stepping up to me.
"You stop!" I riled, shoving him away "You could have told me, you could have…" I broke, looking at him with nothing less than disgust and hurt.
"It's not real" he stressed
"What Isn't?" I asked, settling my shaking arms. Did he mean that what I felt wasn't? What we had wasn't? What wasn't real?
He pinched his ear and took a deep breath
"W-what do you mean?" I stuttered
He scanned my face, regaining his stance. "We have to talk about your mom?"
"No" I shook my head, the memory slipping into my mind "No" I couldn't do it, I could never revisit that day or what I had done. "No"
"We have to"
*Memory *
I looked through the rear view mirror, Mom was yelling at dad on her phone. I couldn't quite hear what she was saying but I heard when she said "She is your daughter, Dave" I figured she was talking about dad's step daughter, some Mallory or something. I didn't know her, we had never met but she sounded like a piece of work dad wasn't ready to take care of.
Mom hung up the phone and even though she was upset she managed a smile as she made her way to the opposite side of the car. Dad always seemed to get on her nerves. I guess it was only natural because the child wasn't his. Mom had gotten a child outside of the marriage, about a year after I was born. It was a long uninterested story that didn't need revisiting.
"Ready for another driving lesson?" Mom asked throwing me the key and I squealed with excitement
"Definitely" I replied, shifting to the driver's seat. She slowly slid into the passenger's seat, looking distraught and less like herself.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes" she answered, forcing a smile
I shoved the key into ignition point and she placed a hand on my arm "Mia" she stared into my eyes and I searched her troubled face with a smile "I need you to always remember that I love you, no matter what. I will always love you."
"Promise?" I widened my smile, trying to hide how deeply her demeanor was affecting me.
"Promise" she smiled back weakly.
As soon as we reached the first intersection a junk driver ran a stop light and slammed straight into her side of the car. I was the only one who survived it.
•°•°•
'I should have checked twice, I should have seen it coming but I didn't and she died, because of me she died.'
Tears pricked the corner of my eyes and I tried desperately not to cry.
"It wasn't your fault, it was a setup" Ray spoke and I stopped breathing, giving him my attention.
"Wha..." I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the growing lump "What do you mean?" I asked sitting down and he sat at the opposite end once more.
"It means that the accident wasn't an accident. It was going to happen, despite of the time you crossed the intersection" he paused "You were supposed to die. You were the target, you were supposed to be in the passenger's seat. Your mom probably didn't even die in the accident, there was a rumor about possible strangulation. The order was to finish the person in the passenger seat and since she was there, she died."
"What?" I blurted, my eyes widening in complete horror "This doesn't make sense. How do you know this? Did you kill her?" I leered, leaning forward.
"No. No. Of course not" he insisted but it only left room for more questions.
"Then who did and how do you know this?"
"She isn't your biological mom" he continued, completely dodging the question. It took a moment for me to process what he was saying but when I did, I snorted.
"Who is, Ursella?"
He stared at me, he was serious.
I scoffed in disbelief, there was no way in hell he was correct. I looked away, leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms. I was so done with this conversation. I clammed my mouth shut, he could only be talking gibberish. Yet still for a reason I could not identify, I listened. I remembered the card I had received. Was this what they were referring to? The truth about my mother, the truth about me. I gasped. It couldn't be. Could it?
I remembered the paper Mrs Hoe had destroyed.
'The truth about her life is being kept from her'
I inhaled sharply.
"When you were smaller, your mother was accused of fraud. It ruined your family, eventually your dad wanted a divorce and he won custody of you. He then barred all contact, connection and communication between you both. After years of trying and failing to see you, she came here"
"Where is she now?" I questioned instinctively, trying to come to terms with my betrayal.
"She went missing. We were alerted today."
"How do you know this?" I probed, attempting to understand how my whole life could become a lie in the space of a second. None of this made sense.
He took a deep breath and his face became clouded with an expression I was beginning to fear. What could possibly be worse than what he was currently telling me?
"Amelia, I was sent here to protect you" he wavered "I'm your Shadow"