My family is being chaotic again and I am in the middle of everything.
"Promise, can you tell your dad this?"
"Promise, can you tell your mom this?"
"Promise talk to your sister"
"Promise, your brother isn't being talkative"
"Promise, promise, promise"
When is it going to stop?
I feel like the object being pulled in a tug of war.
Within this moment all I can think about is if Travis were in my life things would have been so much better.
He understands me and I felt safe with him.
I must stop living in the past because the reality is, he is not and if he wanted to be, he wouldn't have told me to move on with my life.
You could replace the memory with Ronnie! I thought. But I knew it wouldn't be the same and a part of me wants to keep the memory alive.
That is so wrong.
We were so wrong for being together.
Why am I talking to myself about this, don't I have friends?
**Phone ringing**
"Hey Camile"
"Hey, what's up?"
"Are you busy, I want to talk to you about something? "
"I have a couple minutes, what's up?"
"I miss Travis! And I wish he were here"
"Hahahaha, girl why are you tripping over old meat? "
I hurried off the phone "Right! I don't want to take up anymore of your time, so later"
"Aright, later!"
It registered why I keep things to myself.
It seems like no one understands my pain.
~
I haven't' seen Ronnie in weeks.
Either he is fed up with me and my occasional ghosting's, so he stopped looking or I am getting better at hiding.
I wish it is the latter.
I bumped into his mother at church, and she waved and gave me her usual smile.
Have you heard from Ronnie?
No, is he okay?
He is, the weather is harsh in Singapore though, he keeps yapping about it.
Yep, that's Ronnie. Wait Asia? Isn't he in Florida?
No. He didn't tell you?
Tell me what?
He got the scholarship to intern at Tokyo in the plant he always talked about!
Oh my gosh! That's amazing. When is he coming back?
I am not sure if he is, his supervisor said if he did a great job, they would transfer his credits to a college there and he would work with the company full time.
"Hey, Cecile, can I borrow you for a minute"
"Sure"
"Promise, see you later, I will stop by"
"See you"
My feet was glued to the ground for the next ten minutes.
My jaw dropped; I am happy for him, but what about us.
~
Ronnie and I knew each other for three years. I started having a crush on him a few months ago. My crush erupted because he likes me and is always around me, so I had the opportunity to see who he was showing himself to be.
Even though he would argue with a baby to get is point across, he was the best listener when he was not interrupting me. He would give me the shirt from his back without second thought.
He was always there in need, helping to problem solve and that attracted me to him.
I should call him, no I shouldn't.
I went back and forth in my head finding pros and cons and planning out scenarios in my head of how the conversation would go.
**Knock knock*
Peeping through the blinds "I see you child, open the door"
"Hi Ms. Cecile, do you think I should call Ronnie?" I blurted.
"Why would you ask me that? Are you guys not talking?
Anxiously giggling "Well"
"Yes, or no?" she interrupted
"No"
"What's going on"
What did I do, I did not want to have this conversation with Ms. Cecile I just wanted to get it out of my head.
I should have made a better choice.
"I like him, and he gets me, and I want what he wants. The thing is, I am not entirely sure I want to date again. So, I have been avoiding him for the past 3 months"
"I knew there was something weird between you two when the only place we were bumping heads was at church. I would ask him for you, and he always gave some high pitch answers, but I had no idea this was the situation. Does he like you?"
"He said he wanted a relationship, but he never said how he felt about me"
"Okay, let me tell you the story of how I met Ronnie's dad"
I scanned the room for a chair, because if I have learned anything from the three years I have known Ronnie, it's that the Harrisons' can talk.
Summer of 1995, I think it was July. My girls and I went to Bali and on our first vacation.
"You went to Bali on your first vacation?"
" Yes, I had been saving up for years"
"But you were twenty years old, what could you possible be saving to afford Bali on your first vacation?" I smirked
"My Parents owned nineteen of the twenty stores in the small town I grew up in, so we were pretty well off. By saving I meant I asked my parents for money every week and I over four years, it was enough"
"Who owned the one store?"
"I did, I would have my parents' customers pay me to use the only public bathroom in the town, that I asked my dad to build"
"Smart"
My first day in Bali, I met this guy. He was so annoying; I almost ended my vacation early. He oversaw the resort I was staying, and he assured me everything was confirmed, yet our rooms weren't ready when we arrived.
We waited outside for nearly six hours.
"Who does that"
"Right?"
Eventually we got our rooms and went on the road every day to avoid seeing this man.
The next year, we went back to Bali and chose a different resort, just to find out he owns that one as well.
But the room was ready, and he gave us a free stay even though I insisted on paying.
He said, he was making up for last time.
My fourth trip to Bali, he came to his senses and asked me out for drinks.
I was hesitant because this was my getaway spot, I did not want to create a chaotic environment if things did not work out.
I did like him though. When he made things up, it felt thoughtful.
I agreed to go out with him for one drink and that is when he told me for the first time that he was interested in me from the first year I came to his resort, he just wanted to observe before he made a move.
Fast forward to Twenty years later, we are happily married with four kids.
Eyes wide open "Four kids, Ronnie never told me he had siblings!"
"That's something for you two to talk about when you call him"
"You're right, thanks for the pep talk"
"Anytime" she said, as she took her belongings and left to accompany Bettany's mother to the store.
Pep talk!, it was more like a lecture, we have been talking for 10 800 seconds.
I counted.
Perhaps we still need more talk time because I had questions.
How did they decide who was going to move to where?
How did he propose?
Why doesn't she carry his last name?
I guess we can talk at another time.
I am going to call Ronnie first.