I stay awake all night, once again. Except now I'm thinking about what to tell Evan. My feelings for Izzie are real, and I can't deny them anymore. I have to tell him somehow. I try to sneak out to see Evan, to tell him about Izzie, but my dad catches me. He thinks I'm sneaking out just to have sex with him or something, when in reality it's the opposite. I ask dad how he would have wanted to find out that Elsa was cheating on him, because what I'm telling Evan is similar. He said he wished she would have just told him herself, or if it was a one time thing, to never know at all. I don't think Izzie and I are a one time thing, so I know that I have to tell Evan.
I see Izzie in biology class. I get there a little late, so the teacher is already talking. This means I can't talk to Izzie. I smile when I see her, and she smiles back. I have my notebook out to take notes on the lesson, and Izzie reaches over and writes, "???" in my notebook. I guess this is how we will talk today. "??" I write back. "What's up with us?" She asks in the book. I shrug my shoulders at her. She writes, "4 real?" After she sees me not give her a straight answer. I write, "Don't know yet, gotta talk 2 Evan. Don't want 2 be like Elsa." She nods in response. After class I tell Izzie that I'm going to tell Evan. She gives me a hug, and wishes me luck. I hug her tight back, and notice how this hug is different from Evan's. It's more comforting.
Evan is already at my house when I get there. He says we haven't seen each other lately and he wanted to see me last night before I got caught, so he's here now. We sit on the couch in the sunroom, and he immediately senses that something's off with me. "What's wrong?" He asks. I don't say anything for a second. "I have to tell you something." He notices my sadness and soothingly pushes my hair behind my ear. Usually I'd find that sweet, but not now. Not anymore. "It's okay. What's up?" He asks. I'm not able to speak. "Lucky for you, I'm good at solving mysteries, so we'll get to the bottom of it." He says, jokingly. Why do I have to hurt such a good guy? He doesn't deserve this betrayal. "Is it Sam?" He asks. I shake my head no. "Your parents?" I shake my head no again. "Is it us?" I nod. His smile instantly disappears. "Did I do something?" "No." "Did-did you do something?" He stutters. I nod. His face goes dark. I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for what I'm about to tell him. I try to look into his eyes. "I kissed someone." I say honestly. He looks at me, shocked. "What?" he asks, with pure disbelief. "I think that I might have feelings." Tears start to fall from my eyes. He looks at the floor, then back up at me. "Who?" He asks. A tear falls from his eye. "Does it matter?" I ask, not wanting to tell him. "Who?" He presses. I look down, and take another deep breath. "Izzie." He looks up at the ceiling, and lets out a breath. "Oh. Right." Is all he says. He looks like he can't believe what is happening. "I'm sorry." I cry. "Oh, shit. Shit." He says, as he gets up off the couch. "I'm so sorry." He looks at me, with sadness in his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Do-do you love her?" He asks, stuttering. I try to give him an answer, but I don't even know myself. "I don't know. I don't." "Because, I can't. We can't be..." He trails off. "I don't want to not be together. I don't know what to do." The tears fall harder as I say this. "Figure it out, Casey." Evan says, with anger in his voice, as he walks out. I put my head in my hands and I cry until there are no tears left. Elsa sees me in distress, and gives me some mint cookies to try and cheer me up. Sam helps too. Elsa said that I did the right thing, telling him. I know I did, but it hurts like hell.