Today I woke up at the crack of dawn and asked myself if my soul is dead the why not act like one .....the I. said am going to leave like one .I don't break promises I don't make promises for I know for every promise made their is often a price to be paid.
Edward once said he loved me . I was once his forever. our love had the good flaw no trouble no quarrels until the day I caught them .
His words his promises to marry me were just fake .I didn't know why before I didn't take my late grandfather's words seriously "oaths are just words and words are but wind.
today the lion is out of the cage , sorry to my enemies . I could here my sister Elizabeth playing Selena Gomez song kill them with kindness ,I know better am past that , the streets lack kindness. Elizabeth is my parents favourite child and everyone's best , she's always calm , good decision maker , intelligent , beautiful , obedient name all of the best characters you know .
I had finished packing , am moving out of my father's house , I could wait till I get married but I don't have that time .let me get drawn to my sorrows alone , the sorrow that reminds me of where I come from , the feeling is there but has become so numb .They say the first cut cuts the deepest , and the second one ? well I guess I don't want to know .
I was called ugly unworthy witch but no matter how plain a girl may be the honesty and truth is written across her face , she will be beautiful , and one day she will discover that she was fierce , strong and full of fire and not even her or anyone could hold her back because her passion burns brighter than her fears .one big step of my life is getting myself out of these place where am reminded of my being unworthy .where I first hated the mirrors of being afraid to look at my ugly self. where I was not shown love and proved not once not twice that love didn't exist , where I didn't know the importance of loving myself , this place where I lived for them to make them happy but not to be appreciated .
before I left my mother send me off with the quote "a girl should be two things who and what she wants to" I don't know what she meant by that and I also don't want to know what she meant by that . I gave her my best gesture I do it all the time whether am okey or not I smiled to assure her I'll be okey . she has been my greatest support at the times I was falling , she has been doing all her best , I noticed all her efforts and today i see the pain written on her face, wants to make me change my mind but I can't turn back now .
I cast my had down pick my suitcase and walked slowly I didn't want to cry I want my mum to be assured that I'll be fine . when I was a few distance away she hugged me and that's when I left my tear glands free , I love her so much I don't want to leave her but I really I have to .I saw my sister's looking at me Elizabeth just shook her head slowly while giving me her pityfull look , my younger brother was crying , I wanted to go and hold him tell him to stop crying but I Ignored that feeling , he was only seven years old .
my house was not well arranged things were all around and I cared less . No one tells me what to do at my own place . I bought a few drinks after settling in for some time, I drunk the whole night . I forgot my sorrows and even started laughing and dancing , alcohol helps sometimes .
I was the second rate version of them not the first rate version of myself . I let them define me , this is not the life I wanted it's what I have been given by them , I was made inferior and I have I have agree to it . As my soberness was fading the song of Beyonce was coming to an end 'but am not a boy' ....True of her words in that song , if I were a boy I would know how it feels to love a girl because I know how it feels when they let you down.