what am I doing, I ran just didn't know how but I couldn't stop my legs till I was at my house . " what a fool I am" I sighed ' I was in a mission to get my type ' I had nicknamed 'him my type' Damn !!!!! 'how can I make a fool out of myself will I be able to face him again , perhaps I should just quit on this shit !.
maybe I should stop this nonsense .
Confused with myself didn't know whether I was right with how I choose to live my life .All I Know is that I was trying to survive the heartbreak , this is my way of healing but why am I taking this long to move on , why am I still holding on . someone tell me why I can't forget Edward ? why do I feel so terrible , I should be okay by now .I wish I could wake up with amnesia . sometimes karma doesn't work, aren't you asking yourself like I am too ? How is it that Ann and Edward did me wrong but am the one suffering , am the one paying for it alone , was I the one humiliated Infront of people by Edward ? but look at how hopeless I am . it's high time I fucus on myself , and stop focusing on theirs , I want to build myself , life is like riding a bicycle to keep your balance then you should keep going . If you loose one of your hands doesn't mean you're incapable of eating , we learn to survive on what we have , sometimes we even do better than the time we had to hands .
It seems I slept while in the middle of my thoughts , I woke up my face strained with yesterday's tears , my back was aching probably because I slept in a bad posture , today I didn't go to get myself a job to do I decided to use my savings.
I wanted to save myself
I wanted to love myself
I wanted this feeling that I'm hiding to go away
I wanted to feel normal again , to be confident , to live and to feel dead .I played Selena Gomez's song "I needed to loose you to find me" I shouted the relics at the top of my voice , I need to loose Edward to find myself , deep inside my soul was still loving him despite it all .am close to forgetting him I know.
I went to get myself a meal I was really hungry and also something to do with anxiety , don't know what but I can describe it as that ..... because I always feel that way when am about to make a decision , it's like the fear of the unknown , I plan on forgetting him but he'll still be my first true love ... walking aimlessly then there ...I saw 'my type ' trying to chase a girl , she was beautiful , wow !! I drama is about to unfold here .....I like dramas ....I've missed them it's been long...then came to my senses when I had a sound shitttttt!!!! and that was a slap . 'my type' has just been slapped. I didn't see that coming , so my type can be slapped all those features !!! . Then I looked at him that's when I saw the pain in his face for the first time since I knew him , you'd be wondering why his the most charming and interesting man you will have the best first impression even without having a conversation with him
He is quite the opposite from me , very much opposite , he is the extrovert type and am the introvert type , my smile always seems forced while his always looks genuine but it's always like he does that to impress those around him . it seems his struggling with something ...maybe .....
And I saw the pain in his face then it was gone as it came and he went to his usual self charming ....like nothing ever happened . huh !! okey it seems am not the only one who knows how to hide my emotions well. I nodded my head in approval .