Today after I did those jobs that you do one day the next day you have to get another one or get lucky to have it again the next day .well am the hustling type the city needs no joke when it comes to living . it's either you live or die , survival mode for us hustlers .
There are thief's everywhere , people get killed , robbers around all sorts of crimes and things you thought were just in books are there .if you don't know how to survive moreso to persevere go back to the village , here there is no one to sweet talk you to doing something , it's everyone with his own life , don't mind my business if you don't want trouble ,in any case if you get lost don't just ask anyone find a police officer and ask for directions , welcome to my city Nairobi , meaning ' cool water ' reference is to the Nairobi river which flows through the city. And indeed the city has the coolest climate
I lived in a small town around Kenyatta university which is among the biggest universities in Africa . I arrived at my place so exhausted , I prepared some meal took a bath . Nowadays I don't drink alone I drink at the club . if it's an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth then why can't it be a boy for a boy , use a boy to ease the pain that a boy caused . Rule number one should be no love , no attachments dating to pass time and distract myself from me , have you ever thought that you can be a harm to your own self .
I was a frequent customer of the club , dated few men slept with some , I dated Kelly for a month but still spying on Edwards Instagram account , heard he was doing okay and it hurts thought he could follow me . No man man was doing a great job to help me forget him , sometimes I thought of going back to him I would say 'some strings were tied even before we were born and mine was tied with his him ' and I would cry in the bathroom in my bed in my sleep I prayed he would come back . that was how bad things were for me .
I would drink to keep myself sane overwork myself date men just because I lost my sanity , sometimes when I get tired I would overdose with sleeping pills just to wake up again and find myself living , I would held myself high and say am okey wear my usual fake smile ,everybody around here though I was okey the didn't know my story let it remain that way .
When I saw things taking a bad turn on my side , Edwards relationship was working well I decided to date Kelly , I forced things to be alright , I knew I wanted perfect flawless just like Edwards and Ann's relationship . Mistake ! I didn't love Kelly couldn't bring myself to love him , we had series of misunderstandings , because I wanted to feel loved I wanted to be loved sincerely I had to force this one , The mind is something that you can control to think what you want it to thing , there I made our relationship better and we're not going to break up .
I have made countless of mistakes , I Know I rush into decisions unplanned a habit I don't know how to grow out of . I learn to if I fall ten thousand times .Kelly has done his mistakes too but I didn't care to me was 'do as you please not my business' . I realized I was letting myself down so yesterday I let him go . I didn't hurt , but my heart still hurts for what Edward did to me . so I went and sleep with my call away or is it one day thing.... whatever came out of there and I felt so bad that's why am here drinking . Atleast I have let you know me no one does but don't think you know me much ! !
Today am at my usual sit in the club , alone , I asked for my usual drink I drunk but was still half sober .my vision was clear today I could see what I didn't see in days was it the alcohol playing me . This is the same guy I see everyday in this club , always charming with his beautiful smirk , Everything in him screamed my type , his beard I like men with beards , his physical appearance his skin tone , girls would say tall dark and handsome .
I knew he was my next victim could always get another one with the same everything but him am going to get him , so I smiled knowing he was looking at my direction , I knew I had a beautiful smile yeah I think I do ....I knew he was mine till the time I'll get tired to keep him , anyone can deal with victory only the mighty ones can bear defeat , but am not speaking of defeat here , I have made a decision , I know I won't be turning back even if their is a thousand difficulties this one is mine .
Am a person who is driven by passion I know not to quit unless otherwise .....
I saw him heading my way , keeping my eyes on him ....what I did next really surprised me ...