It was a beautiful morning when I woke up. The sun already rise with birds flying close to my window chirping.
I walked towards the window and opened it causing for the birds to fly away. Wind passed by touching my skin with rough and hot texture.
It's dusty on my window, without a thought. I traced the dust with my index finger and rub it together with my thumb.
I getaway from the window and headed out. Of course, I'm going to his room.
Honestly, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened last night. It was indeed a Happy birthday for me. He asked me to dance with him.
I could not forget the feeling that sabotaging my heart and emotions. His eyes--the eyes without colors and emotions still gives me shivers everytime I'm staring at it. That night, for me his eyes are way more brighter than the stars.
"Sup, Oldie!" I greeted normally just like before where I still don't have any thoughts about this strange feelings.
As usual, he's sitting on his moon chair in front of that wide glass window, it's a miracle that the window is open.
I fit myself beside him and stared where he was staring... he's looking at me therefore I look back at him with courage. But that courage of mine melted when my blue eyes and his emotionless eyes met. I immideatly look away and fixed my eyes outside. It's sunny.
"It's your birthday, you should celebrate it with your family, kiddo." He spoke.
I sighed.
Kaios lean on my shoulder and my heart pounded like a thunderclaps.
"How can I celebrate if they're not here... I mean, they're already in this hospital but they're not visiting me." Good thing, I can still speak without uttering.
"They must been busy." He said with a convincing tone.
"As always." I smiled. They're too busy that they can't even visit me for a minute just to greet happy birthday.
I even saw dad talking with a guy on the hallway when I went out and it's making me doubtful since I heard they're talking about Mom and a word 'family'.
I didn't speak. I just let the silent occupied us for a moment.
We're watching through the open window how the roads shimmered in the heat of midday sun. The sunlight skyscrapers pierced the hot, blue sky. Far away, I can even see people with their umbrellas, they look like an ant with colorful leaves from my sight.
The silent just caught off when he spoke.
"You seems so silent. What's the matter?" He point out.
"Anything that occupies space and has mass." I replied and took a glimpse on him.
"Tsh." He hissed with a smile.
I couldn't stop myself from smiling too.
"I don't feel anything, oldie. Besides, don't call me kiddo."
I immideatly avoid when our lips almost touched each other. My eyes even widened with my heart bouncing around the ribcage.
"Why would I do that huh?"
I cleared my throat. I'm freaking sweating with bullets.
"Cause I'm already 18 and that means, I'm an adult... I'm a legalized citizen of the Philippines." Phew, I didn't stutter.
"You're still a kiddo on my eyes." He chuckled.
"You can't see anything." I teased when my tension faded.
He chuckled. "I know but soon I will and I'll still call you kiddo."
Having a conversation with him made me forget those doubts about the man I saw talking with my father. Well, I tried not to think something about it but my brain just won't stop.
"Oh..." I smiled. My parents entered, it's already afternoon, I've been waiting for them for hours and I almost lost my patience while waiting them. "Hi, I'm not a baby anymore. I'm 18, mom, dad." I smiled.
"Oh...wow..."
With their reaction, I know that they forget about the even today...did my brother lied to me? Letting me believe that mom and dad are finding a place to celebrate but in truth, they forgot about it?
"Happy Birthday, baby." Daddy greeted and walked towards me. He kissed my cheeks and ruffled my hair.
"Happy birthday, Reina." Mom greeted and showed her smile.
I forced a smile. I know them! I literally know every movement they do! And it disappoints me knowing that they forgot about me... they forgot about my birthday.
"T-thank you."
They stayed for a bit and had a little conversation with me asking me some things that really fulfill my doubts and suspicion that I don't know where it came from.
Rain is lying and our parents are hiding something for me.
I even observed how distant they are with each other. There's a thing going on with them that they won't let me know. I wonder what is it.
"What do you want, baby?" Dad asked me while Mom take her call.
I shook my head. "Nothing, dad."
It doesn't excites me anymore.
He smiled. "I'm sorry for forgetting about it, Reina."
My lips parted. Sure dad notice how my expression changed.
I nodded. "It's okay."
Of course! I have to say it was okay even though it's not cause that's what I always do and I'm always like that! Always understanding every thing without having a chance to speak against it.
"We're too busy and have things to handle. I'm sorry that I forget about it. Just tell me everything you want and I'll get it for you."
The feeling of disappointment and sadness that they gave me for forgetting my supposed to be 'special' day, can't be replaced with things and money. All I need it attention just for today but no, I can't get what I want and it's killing me but I need to be silent for the pain that I suffered.
"I'm about to ask for your whole attention just for today...but I know it's inappropriate because you're busy... I want to ask for a family date but Rain is not here and Mom...and you, Dad, have a lot of patient to handle so I'm fine alone. Material things won't pay anything."
I guess silent is not always the answer when your fuming emotions explodes.
"R...reina."
I looked at my father and smiled. "I'm sorry for saying those... I just want those to happen-"
"We need to go, Salvador. There's a critical patient who needs us." Mom interrupted.
"Can't we give those to Doctor Seb? Let's celebrate Reina's birthday." Dad said.
Mom took a deep breath. "We never run away from responsibility. We need to go."
Dad nodded not being able to respond to Mom's words and give me an apologetic eyes before standing up.
Mom kissed my forehead. "We need to go, Reina. Happy birthday."
I nodded.
They never run away from their responsibility as doctors but when it comes to their daughter, they always do. But that's fine, I'll be still Reina who always understand despite of being hurt.
When they're gone, I let a minute passed before I went back to Kaios' room. When I entered, he's already on his bed so I immideatly headed out not to disturb his nap.
I even crossed my path with Nurse Kim. She didn't say anything and entered Kaios' room. It's a miracle that she didn't give me that signature 'sarcastic' look of her.
I ignored her since we're not even close or even have that 'good' relationship as individuals since she's always sarcastic.
When I entered my room, I grab my towel and went to the bathroom. I'll take a half bath to freshen me a little.
While sitting on the toilet bowl and rubbing the soap on my hand, I couldn't help it but to think a lot again.
I wonder who's that guy that my father have a conversation with. I'm not deaf not to hear them mentioning my Mom's name. I even heard Dad saying...
'Take care of her, I never give up on her but she did it to me. Fulfill everything she deserves that she didn't get it from me.'
It's making me insane thinking about it. Dad is talking about what?
If daddy is talking about Mom then it should be...I mean, I'm just having too much thoughts, maybe I'm just bored to think about it. They're not separating. Dad loves Mom so much that he always understands her despite of her flaws and imperfections. Mom loves Dad so much that she always lower her highest pride to the lowest to let Dad speak when they're fighting.
Besides, there's no reason for them to be separated. It's just me who's thinking a lot about things that doesn't make sense.
Not to drown myself from unhealthy thoughts, I finished my night rituals and grab myself a comfortable clothes for this night. It's already 11 and it's late for my sleep, but I don't usually follow my 8pm schedule for rest so it doesn't matter.
Black sweater and gray sweatpants gives me warmth for this foggy night. I tied my hair into a bun and walked towards the window.
I pulled a chair and make myself comfortable staring outside.
The night sky was aglow with bright city lights. Fogs even add a little coldness.
This is my safe haven when I'm alone. Skies, moon, stars and darkness.
My heart suddenly skipped a beat. I coughed and took a deep breath. I don't know what happened but I feel, there's something overwhelming forming on my chest.
I heard a knock on my door.
When I turned around, the door creaked and opened.
I automatically stood up from my seat.
"O-oldie?"
Kaios smiled at me. He's still on the door, holding the doorknob.
"You went to my room earlier, right?"
"Uhm...y-yeah."
"Why don't you stay?"
"You're sleeping."
He chuckled and scratched his forehead as if he's embarrassed to say what's on his mind.
I walked towards where he was standing.
"I'm not sleeping that time, kid."
"Then what are you doing, Oldie?" I lean on the door and fixed the IV tube who's tangled on his arm.
"Well..." he pursed his lips. "I'm just waiting for you since you always come to my room every night just to talk cause you're bored."
"Oh..." My lips formed an 'O'.
"You did not go to my room. I noticed your silence." He said. "Are you okay?"
I bite my lips and nodded. Oops, I forgot that he can't see anything.
"I guess.. I'm not. I really don't know." I faked a laugh.
He nod his head and offered his hand to me.
"Uhm? What?"
"Let's go to the rooftop. You need a little air."
I pursed my lips and hold his hand. "Yeah, I guess I need it."
I closed the door and both of us walked towards the hallway holding each others hand. Kaios is on his hoodie and sweatpants too, I composed my chuckles seeing him wearing a twitty bird flipflops.
"Your flipflops are cute." I said to him when we entered the elevator. It's too silent.
Some of my nurses even told me that there's a ghost roaming around the hallway and entering the elevator in midnight, of course I'm afraid with that but when Kaios came, i don't give a f*ck about those anymore. This time, I don't feel scared crossing my paths with some hospital ghost, I'm holding Kaios hand where I feel safe and sound.
"I don't even know what kind of flipflops Doctor Seb gave me."
I chuckled. That Doctor is really a bully. "It's twitty bird."
He scoffed. "That doctor knows nothing but to annoyed me good." He shook his head. I giggled.
When we entered the rooftop, I squished his hand when the wind hit our faces.
"Damn it, it's too cold." He complained and step back.
I laughed and pulled him in. He quickly drag his dextrose stand.
"You ask me to come here so don't step back. Coldness is cool." I said.
Kaios and I took a place on the rough floor. We don't mind if it's rocky or even rough, we just lay there and stared above.
My lips immediately formed a smile. This is a better view rather than the view on my room.
We never let go of each others hand when we look up at the blanket of stars that stretched into infinity.
"Why did you become so silent?" He asked me. "It's bothering me, you know."
"Is it okay if I get disappointed to my parents when they forget my day?"
"Of course, it's okay. You don't need to ask a permission for what you feel or what should you feel. It's yours, so you must know. You need to know what you need to feel and what you are feeling, that simple, kid." He explained.
With that, I told him all my burden that I keep for a lot of years. I never expected that I told everything to the stranger I met months ago.
"It's hurting me knowing that I can die easily yet they're still not giving their full attention to me. Maybe, I still need to kneel to beg them."
He stayed in silence listening to every words I'm throwing. I stifled my cries while telling him everything. I know that he noticed that I'm crying because of the sudden change of my voice but he didn't say anything. He just let me cry all I want and it's the most comforting thing I ever had.
"I-i'm sorry... I'm talkative again." I apologized and wiped my tears using my other hand.
"I like..." he paused.
I faced him. Our bodies are not close but our hands didn't give any space in between.
"...hearing your voice." he continued. "Even though I don't have any thing to say, just talk to me. I love listening to you so you don't have to apologize."
For the second time around, my heart throbbed.
I avoid my eyes.
"I...love stargazing." I diverted the topic, trying to ignore his words that gave a huge impact to me.
"I hope I can say that too."
"You can...but soon."
I describe to him what am I seeing just like what I always do when I trespassed on his room.
Moon with gold glows, glowing stars, fogs, dark skies and chirping sounds around us is the things I told him.
"Do you have your siblings?" I asked him.
"I have." he respond.
I thought he won't add something about his family but he spoke again.
"We're five, I'm in the middle. Two older brother, then me, then our twins, boy and girl. The twins are ahead of you for just 2 years."
"Oww, did they come for a visit?"
"Yeah, the time that you ditched me." He scoffed when I chuckled. "And I told them not to visit me anymore."
"Why?"
"I just don't like them visiting me."
"Did the twins visited you?"
"Of course, they did. They visited me this afternoon."
"Oh..." I pursed my lips. I wanna see a twin.
"What's their name?" I asked him again.
"Karylle."
"The other?"
"Why do you need to know?" He asked me.
I faced him and saw his eyebrows scrunched.
"Why? You told me the girl's name, tell me what's the name of the other!" I affirmed.
"No."
"Why? Does she have a girlfriend?"
"Why do you ask if he's single? Why do you need to know? You know Karylle, you don't have to know the other."
I sneered. "Just tell me the name, it's easy."
"No."
"Why?"
He bite the inside of his cheeks and hissed. "Fine."
"Tell me his name, I won't do anything." I promised him even though I don't really know why I said that without a purpose.
"Kaixon."
"Oh cool!" I said.
"Wow." He scoffed. "When I told you my name you never reacted like that!"
"It's amazing! His name is amazing!"
"His name is shit so it's not amazing."
"It's a mixture of Kaios and Jax. They mixed your name to give it to your baby brother and it's cool for me." I spoke.
"Whatever you say, kiddo."
I chuckled. "You look so protective with Kaixon than Karylle huh?"
"I'm not."
"You are, oldie."
"Fine, but I'm not protective when it comes to him. It's just..."
"It's just what?"
"You might divert all your attention to him when you crossed your path on my room. Knowing you, you will be hype again and be friend with him until you totally forgot everything about me." He said.
I laughed.
"You're insane."
"Maybe, I am. But that's what I think so don't you bother meeting him."
"Why? Your brother might be fun to be friends with too!"
"He's no fun."
"Why?" I asked him. I lean on his shoulder and stared into space.
"No more questions, Kiddo."
"Oh, whatever you say, Oldie."
He sneered.
"I know that soon you're going home..." I said. He didn't respond so I continued to speak. "And, I want to have a camping in this rooftop."
"Are you asking me, kid?"
"Yes, I am. You can decline if you don't want." I scratched my head out of embarrassments. Well, I just think of camping a seconds ago while spacing out.
"Who would have decline that?"
I faced him excitedly. "So you're camping with me?"
He even faced me. "Of course."
My heart throbbed wildly.