(chapter before chapter 36)
A few days have passed since Nicolas and I were in Raingency. We were both tense, but too introverted to say why. The Prince had been in a strange mood since Surrey. By the time we moved back to the palace we were down by 6 ladies, a manageable crowd. I was glad Holly was still by my side, much to my chagrin Ăˆstelle had also made it through to the next round. If I was to believe the prince, he would end the bridal show soon anyway. The only question was whether I would really become his wife then? I still hadn't told him what I would decide. I admitted it gnawed at me too that I didn't get over myself and go for it. My feet ached and I slid inelegantly into the soft wing chair of my room. There was a secret message on my bed, in a golden blue envelope, with the seal of royalty. Feeling unobserved, I bent the letter down to break the seal. Some wax crumbled into my lap. I would pick it up later. My eyes swam over the hand-cut letters "Meet me in discretion near the weeping willow at 2pm, love your N." I frowned, why so formal, Nicolas? A grin escaped me as I did so. If only I had known what would follow that afternoon.
I was wearing ochre-coloured, fitted Trenkercord trousers, with a sand crepe blouse and high leather boots, which, however, only rarely protruded from under the flared trouser legs. Leather was not produced in mass livestock farming, as was the case at the time, but was created in special laboratories simply by taking individual cells from the animals. The first cells were taken from a cow named Betsy. Which is probably why the most famous brand on the market was Betsy leather. It took years before enough skin was washed to make products on it. The prices of Betsy leather were immense. No ordinary mortal earner could afford such a thing. Not even Madame Parisie looked at more than mere gloves, those were in a display case, secured in the walk-in wardrobe. Unfortunately, there was also leather, which was still illegally taken from live animals. It could only be found on the black market. Besides Betsy, there was also the Felicty snakeskin, the Katy fish leather brand and Annabeth crocodile skin. The leather was a status symbol, the Queen once wore a coat from the Betsy line.It was an elegant double-breasted trech coat. Her family was visiting a nearby town to inaugurate a school, the prince was not with her. Just as she was about to cut the red ribbon, pandemonium broke out in the crowd. A man tried to tear off her cloak. In his hand he held a pair of golden cutting scissors that flashed in the sunlight. He rushed towards her and would have stabbed her in the chest by a hair's breadth if a guard had not stopped him.The man was arrested. The police suspected that, on the one hand, he was trying to kill her and, on the other, that he was trying to sell her coat for a lot of money. The Queen was not seen in public for a long time, and if she was, then only at a distance on the balcony or on television. You could see that she was very upset and preoccupied by this event. I remember that day, it was not long ago, when I was on the marrow and the fabric battle began. I had already told you about that some time ago. At that time the nobility withdrew very much from the public eye, more attacks followed before the events petered out. It was one of the happiest and most difficult periods for our family. Because of the fear of being robbed and attacked, many foursomes were dismissed. So was my mother, they wanted to keep my father, he was an important member in his team. But like others, he had to sign a new dismissal and liability clause. It said that if there was even the slightest suspicion of conspiracy, you would be dismissed and sentenced to up to one year in prison. Depending on the severity, of course. To avoid getting into trouble, my father slept in his office during the week and kept a low profile. We hardly ever got to see him. That this was an injustice is undeniable. But had anyone ever paid attention to the poor people of the nation? No.
In the meantime, winter was almost over. The snow was melting away faster than a pot of water was boiling on a cooker. Ironically, salt was added to both to speed up the process. Martin was behind me as usual, partly crunching the ground under my feet because it was still frozen. I had reached the weeping willow and pushed the leaves aside and there I saw him, the prince. I suspected that it was a genetically modified willow because it kept its leaves even in winter. He was sitting on a bench and had covered it with a blanket in an exemplary manner. Apparently, this conversation was to last longer. My face brightened slightly as I looked him in the eye, his smile narrower than mine. "Good afternoon Belle, come and sit down," he greeted me. I stepped through the curtain of the tree altogether and took a seat on the bench. I looked at Nicolas demandingly, eager to find out the reason for this meeting. "Obstacles have arisen that stand in the way of our engagement," he began. "My father..., he feels you are not a suitable wife for me." I sighed and replied that I had somehow guessed that he probably didn't like me. I then asked him if it didn't matter if he didn't like me. After all, it was Nicolas who had the power of decision, not him. He took my hand and looked at me with tears in his eyes: "I have an obligation to my family and my people. It is not because you are a Four, but because you are half of Germanic descent. The United Germanic Empire is waging a fierce battle in Europe. We in LittleEngland are not immune to this on our island, the Teutons are trading with Scotland and it looks bad for us. It would only be a matter of time before they take us too. My father will banish anyone from the palace who has anything even remotely to do with the enemy." The blood rushed in my ears and I withdrew my hand from Nicolas'. I lowered my gaze and whispered, "If I understand this correctly, I will have to leave the palace." And Martin, I continued to think. He knelt in front of me, the same if he was freezing. He sought my eyes, "It's not my decision, I hope you believe me. I would marry you on the spot if..." "If you weren't a crown prince," I interrupted him. Our eyes met, deep regret on both sides. "How long do I have left?" my voice broke in an attempt to keep my composure. "I'm afraid only two weeks at the most.", he clasped my face with his hands, his breathing heavy with mine. "All I've ever wanted was and is you, and nothing will change that." I would have liked to say something back, but I couldn't. After a while, I announced that I was leaving. He let go of me and made room, then held me back, "I can't let it end like this, please don't go." My eyes widened, my face turned away from him, "It's no use, I could never be by your side." "Become my lover," he burst out in sheer desperation. My eyes filled with tears at these thoughts and I tore myself away from him. I backed away as he tried to touch me again, like a frightened deer. "Please, Belle, I'm sorry. I should never have suggested that." I inhaled and exhaled deeply before turning to him reservedly, closing my eyes as I did so, "Thank you for the enlightening conversation, I wish you well still. Farewell, Crown Prince Nicolas." As quickly as I could, I rushed past Martin on my way to my room. With every step I took, despair came and liquid spread across my face. Of course I forgave Nicolas, he was upset and desperate. But his words would still remain in my memory.
Unfortunately, one usually knew what one wanted when it was no longer a choice. To my sorrow, I had chosen to live by Nicolas' side.