We were back in the rooms, I was pacing up and down in a state of agitation. My heart was racing, my state of mind was similar. So anything but merciful. As I pattered around, I tried to process what forces were at work to weave a love triangle into my life as well. "I wasn't filtering, I was just in the moment," it miserable attempt to justify myself to my best friend, who gave me a warning silence. She was playing with a brass letter opener that was now only ornamental. "Yes, at the moment kissing your bodyguard. Do you have any idea what a scandal that would be if word got out? Belle, you are very careless with your feelings." However, I agreed with her, I was about to let Martin join my lips, but was it really so reprehensible? After all, Nicolas had no choice, there was no future for us. Why, then, should I commit myself to a man who wanted me but couldn't have me. I had to move on, but it was hard. I had imagined this scenario, imagined us standing side by side and leading Little England into a new era. Holly noticed my distracted look and brought me back to the grey present: "You won't be happy with Nicolas, everything is against you. I feel like a monster, but that's the way it is. If you feel something for someone else, go after it." I thought about her words for a long time, even after I was already in my bed. Was this surge of joy, pure defiance? Was I trying to distract myself and falling for the next best thing because of it? I ran my fingers through my hair, lost in thought. I knew Holly's advice wasn't from the mere charity. She had received this unchaste offer from Queen Alice. If I were in her position and the opportunity presented itself, I would not hesitate to try to free my people from the clutches of the enemy. Consequently, I was not displeased that she did not refuse this offer. Anything was better than Èstelle Guide at Nicolas' side. Would I go to the wedding of Holly and the Prince of Little England? At the present time, no. In a durational second, I seriously considered leaving the country. But where would I move to then? To my mother's family. What an interesting idea. What if I were to be happy with Martin? Honestly, who knew what the future held.
(a few days later)
I was told to come to the greenhouse, it was a little away from the palace and stood on a small hill. A dress was laid out for me in the Empire style. I trudged through the snow and reached the entrance of the glass structure. I tapped my winter boots on the exposed terracotta stones. Nicolas opened the door for me, beaming with joy: "I'm glad you're here." I nodded and entered, as I had mentioned before, was not particularly excited about having a date. He took off my Russian style coat and hung it on a coat rack. As soon as I was standing there in just my dress, plump warmth enveloped me. He took my hand and led me to a small garden table. The table had been set for us. When we sat down opposite each other, Nicolas continued: "I'm glad you accepted my request. By the way, we are alone today, except for a few servants who serve us the courses. No camera, no reporters." I put my hands on my lap: "Thank you." We didn't get a word out for a while. I just didn't know what to say. Then suddenly the ice seemed to be broken and we got into a real conversation together. "I never asked you what you did before you came to the palace," Nicolas wanted to know. I told him about my time with Madame Pariese and how I had spent my school years. The more I told him, the more attentive he became. Then I asked him about his childhood. "On the whole, I had a nice one, but I was quite lonely. I was never allowed to play with the employees' children because it was too much of a risk and my half-siblings were not allowed to. I grew up with cameras, the first time I left the palace grounds was when I was 14. At that time I still had a fiancée from another noble line..." Choking on my water, I put the glass down and cleared my throat: "You were engaged, but what happened?" Nicolas stared at his plate, he didn't want to talk about it. I now looked at my plate as well: "I'm sorry, I just..." He raised his hand and looked me in the eye, he had light tears: "It's okay, no one had known, it was just an unofficial story." I nodded and wanted to squeeze his hand comfortingly: "You don't have to tell me if it's too painful." He was silent for a while. Then he raised his head: "I want to share it with you though, it's important to me." I looked at him and finally nodded. "Her name was Angelina Charu, we were promised to each other. Our families did not always get along well, but they were tolerant of our gender. To strengthen this alliance, we were promised to each other when we were children. But then a month before the official announcement and my 15th birthday, it happened. Angelina was on her way to the palace to live with me, but she never arrived. Three months later, her body was found at the bottom of the Thames. They don't know what happened. My parents decided it was better that it never came to light and let me do the castings." I forgot to breathe, I was so shocked by this story. Charu and smoke, it was an anagram. Leopold had thought of everything in his plan. Who could have guessed that Leopold Rauch was called Charu? "You look pale, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you," he looked at me worriedly. I swallowed slightly and whispered: "Did you love her?" I beat myself up for asking that question, it was tactless of me. Nothing came for a long time and then it did: "Yes. I have loved two people in my life and neither stayed with me." So there was another person, besides Angelina Charu. My heart was heavy, I could have imagined that there were other women besides me, but two. Yet I had chosen a life beyond the palace. Who is the other person?", I was rude, but it gave me no peace. The prince remained silent and gave me a look that said I was the second woman. I avoided his gaze, I should have guessed. "I will have to marry someone else, but my heart will always be yours."