What can I say about living with Zaixing? Or rather having his stinking aura of Calamity infusing through your daily life.
Gain no happiness when there is no sorrow - the summation of his stay is utter grief by just being around.
Gain no wisdom when there is no stupidity - All the stupid shit which can happen, happened. Who knew Yingwen had so many female stalkers, which incidentally were highly skilled practitioners at sneaking into the sect undetected until I opened my window.
With pain comes pleasure - With the pain from Zaixing's stay, especially when the ceiling of the canopy bed crashed on me during sleep. There is really no pleasure being around a deity carries an aura of disaster which affects everyone nearby.
With suffering comes relief - The once murky white waters of the hot springs were now a putrid bubbling cesspool after Zaixing used it. Everyone suffers and there is no relief.
No improvement with no destruction - Yes, after he went to the dining hall, the central kitchen caught fire. Now it has to be rebuilt. And the only spare kitchen was the backyard behind the burnt kitchen.
Everything has a balance of Yin-Yang. Where the damn hell is my Yang when Zaixing is a Yin deity? By some odd fate, no doubt of his doing, the incident with the Mo beasts was always blamed.
At the very least, he was kind enough NOT to visit Lianfeng or Wugang.
He could not visit them in Yingwen's body, which he was so flagrantly using as his personal form of entertainment deity style.
No remorse, and no care as the 24 hour 7-11 convenience store dispenser of disaster gallivanted around.
Both of them were safely in recuperative seclusion, away from this unfolding disaster, blissfully unaware.
Speaking of the devil, Zaixing was smiling at me in Yingwen's form outside the door, while I am quietly reading the book in their reading hall.
A large crack could be heard.
The large supporting pillar copped his bad luck. Reluctantly, I got up to meet him as the second floor slowly gave way. As we stepped out into the corridor, a horrendous crash could be heard.
One must note that there is no way of chasing away a deity who scares the immortality out of other deities or immortals. I am not that stupid. He is friendly for a no good reason.
"Yiiiiiingggggweeeen," a sickeningly sweet call from one of his stalkers again, enough sugary tone to strike one down with diabetes.
"Your girlfriend," I pointed at the bosomy curvaceous woman in a tight fitting outfit.
Her ample chest was spilling almost out in the most vulgar manner. Worse than the brothel women calling for customers.
The nearby male disciples made no attempt to chase her off as they were busy devouring her huge honkers with their hungry eyes.
When you have only three female disciples in the entire sect among the hundreds of young virile males in the mountains - they either fight you to death over the three, go to Youdu city's girly entertainment areas, or form a bromance relationships with other males. To put it mildly.
There were no porn magazines or fetish dvds to wank off to. Male reproductive frustration from testosterone is inevitable.
"Honeyyy, I am busy with my cousin. How about we meet behind the bamboo grove later," Zaixing answered her with a mischievous wink.
Seriously, was he? Do they…? Now this is interesting.
"Say, do you want that piece of delicious meat? You are, after all… male in this world. A romp around the bushes, a few healthy pushes…," he nudged me with a few creepy winks.
Deities do have lustful and perverse thoughts. Hmmm… wait, he is not an ascended one.
So cultivating out those lusts isn't a requirement for his kind, perhaps. Still… I GIVE UP.
Not to mention, he knew very well that my memories were intact and how it could totally gender bender me.
"Have your fun with her." I replied as my eye started twitching.
If it isn't Bell's palsy coming on soon, probably a stroke will strike me down with Zaixing's ominous presence around.
He pouted, "no fun."
Last person to see in front of us was Wenyi.
Second last person to meet was behind her - Chenxiu.
I was about to tell both of them to leave me alone. Only to watch her walk past me as though I were invisible, up to Zaixing.
Of course, in Yingwen's form, he was the great O immortal. Status issue wise, I was now below her league which she so richly (and in delusion) believes that she truly deserves.
"Wenyi pays her respect to the great immortal," she curtseyed to him. Wait, don't I get a curtsey as a prince.
"Chen Xiu pays her respect to you as well."
Okay, my status as a prince has gone poof into the air. But if they seek misfortune, that's disaster personified in a corpse of a very dead cousin Duke. Be my guest!
"Hey cousin, can I go get something?" I asked Zaixing, who was flirting shamelessly with both of them.
"Errr… okay… be quick. These two young ladies here can accompany me while I wait."
Heck, Zaixing can find me later. Way, way later.
I am doing a runner, far away from him.
Along the corridors I went, past the bend of where the lotus pond was, only to run into Mingyan. She was gazing afar towards the seclusion area. Instead of hanging out with the two other girls. I tiptoed past her, only to hear my title called.
"They are over near the eating hall." I immediately pointed her in the direction of Zaixing, only to see a puzzled look on her face.
"You mean Wenyi and Chen Xiu? No, I am not looking for them. I was wondering… do you know how Wugang is? They said that you are his cousin," she asked worriedly.
She was actually serious. Well, one could tell from the expression.
Wugang was the youngest son, and therefore the one with the weakest inheritance rights, according to Lingyu's customs. Unlike his eldest brother who will inherit the Marquis position, the only way for him to seek his fortune was to be part of the military, despite his title of a Lord. A tough endeavour which required at least one posting to the harsh borders.
There were plenty of penniless lords from noble houses with too many sons.
Yingwen was a Duke, only because his family was wealthier and had a grip on the northern noble houses, despite his insanity.
"Seclusion, but he is fine from what the elders said, should make recovery in two weeks."
"Good, good. He wasn't trying to be nasty to you," she said. "It is just that he wanted a challenge."
She was actually defending him in a mistaken belief that I would actually do something to him?
OMFG. This girl really likes him. Teenage love was so innocent.
Unfortunately, once engaged, there was no way of the girl escaping the marriage unless the guy had contracted a terminal illness or madness. Wugang's personality, whilst good in nature so far, was impulsive and stubborn as a mule. The type of impulsive to be killed in battle at any time, the one which produces widows quickly, and definitely lucky if they could live to the age of growing at least one strand of white aged hair.
Rules were similar in both ancient China and Lingyu Kingdom. From birth, a daughter was owned by her father. If no father, her brother. After marriage, owned by her husband. In widowhood, may the deities forbid, owned by her husband's family or back to her brother.
Maybe Zaixing gave me a lucky break - the freedom enjoyed as a woman in 21st century Earth (well, most countries - some still unfortunately treat women like property) was non existent in Jinshi.
"I know. Say… are you and him?"
She blushed and quickly looked away.
"Uh huh… have you spoken to him… does he know?"
"Yes, feelings are mutual," she shyly said.
This day didn't turn up as badly as I thought it would.
Come to think of it, a corpse cousin got lucky with two or maybe three with that one hiding in the bamboo groves, and the half dead cousin got his girl.
Then noises of fighting could be heard. Maybe my thought jinxed me.
"Mingyan, go back to your room and don't come out." I pulled her back as she made a move to look. The girls' quarters were in the opposite direction. That area should be safe from Zaixing.
"Why?"
"My dear cousin, Yingwen, attracts stalkers, so go back to your room first."
She nodded and scurried off to the room.
Zaixing had made Yingwen's reputation so bad that everyone knew about his crazed female stalkers.
I went in the direction of the ruckus. Only to find three females fighting with Zaixing yawning placidly in a chair.
Horny big boobs, Chen Xiu and Wenyi, were duking it out as others gathered to watch the most awful sight ever. Clothes were being torn, hair being pulled. And the cat scratching of faces. How would a woman move in such a tight outfit?
***RIP***
Scratch that, that was one massive rip. Any outfit would be a goner, judging by the gasps and wolf whistles of the males around. Someone did a full strip show for free, and I don't even want to know who. Might need bleach for my eyes. If Lingyu even had bleach.
"Cousin, I was waiting so long." Zaixing got up and weaved gracefully around the drooling crowd of lecherous, leering males effortlessly. The three were too distracted in their catfight.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't suppose you have anything to do with that?"
"Good heavens, no, surely you can't blame me for being so attractive that women choose to fight over me, since nature has granted me such handsome looks. But seriously meaty one has nice squeezable honkers…," Zaixing pulls me in with his arm and guided me away.
Definitely something to do with it. Those three females will regret it once his effect wears off.
"Nature didn't grant you good looks. You just picked the best looking corpse," I grumbled.
"Are you jealous? I can give you his body if you want… you get a lot of meaty buns," Zaixing offered with his hands, demonstrating where the damn 'buns' were on his chest.
"No thanks."
FML. A sudden realisation hit like a sledgehammer.
When the disastrous seductive effect of Zaixing wears off on all his adoring female stalkers, last count 14, he would have left Yingwen's body by then. Who will they come looking for then? Me? Yingwen's other known relative with the family resemblance?
As for Wenyi and Chen Xiu, they could only be annoying at most. Those crazed female stalkers were another story - they could beat me up in seconds. How many potential maim and death threats has he left me with? ZAIXING YOU BLOODY CURSE!