Sometimes, it's not bad to give ourselves another chance to be happy again
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6
It's almost 10 in the evening and I just got out of the shower; saw my phone vibrating. I reached for it and checked the notification.
My eyes narrowed and my forehead curled seeing Clara's 66 missed calls. I even saw a twenty plus text message from her but what really caught my attention was a message from an unknown number.
I felt my heart feeling giddy as I unlocked my phone to see the message.
I didn't bother to check Clara's message and opened first the message from the unknown number.
My hand was shaking as I tapped the message.
But then, I found myself smiling as I read the test message from the unknown number
From: Unknown number
Have you been home? It's Ian by the way.
My heart jumps a bit the moment I read his name. I just didn't expected him to really send me a message. I thought he just took my number to sound courteous or to act like he enjoyed my company.
To be honest, the moment I left the coffee shop earlier, I thought I shouldn't hope for this guy. I mean, he kind of looks like not really interested to me. I wouldn't blame him anyway, we just met.
It's almost thirty minutes since I received the message.
I just got home by that time and I was planning to take a bath. So after saving his number, I started typing a reply for him
To: Ian
Hey! Sorry late reps. Yes. hbu?
Sent.
I felt like I was a teenage girl waiting for his school crush to reply. I immediately shrugged at myself and check Clara's message.
From: Clara
Open the door. I'm here.
That was the first text message. My forehead furrowed with that.
What r u doin? I'm HERE OUTSIDE YOUR HOME!
The second one.
I never opened the next message and immediately ran out of my room.
She stumbled when I opened the door, she was sitting in front of it.
"What did you do inside the bathroom that took you so long to get out?" She ranted as soon as she saw me.
She frowned and shoved me out of the way, still not recovering with the fact that she was wearing her pajamas and holding a bottle of wine.
She removed her slides and placed it on the shoe cabinet beside my door. I just laughed and closed the door. She must have been waiting for me for some quiet time.
"Don't you have work tomorrow and you'll sleep here?" I asked. I was drying my hair with a clean towel when I saw her behind the counter island, opening the bottle of wine with the wine opener. She was struggling to release the cork, that she couldn't respond to me.
When she finally got out the cork out of the bottle, she said, "Yeah, I told my mom I'm sick that I can't attend tomorrow's event."
I was really bothered that my brows were furrowed as well. Clara isn't the type of person to ditch an event.
"What kind of event is that, that you're willing to ditch it?" I said as I placed my hand on the countertop, waiting for her answer.
She looked away when I tried to catch her gaze. "We'll talk about that later. You get the glasses and I'll just get dressed,"
I didn't wait for her to answer and turned around to go back to the room. She also knows every part of my house so I'm not worried that she won't be able to find the wine glasses.
I wore my pajamas before I got out of my room. I was combing my hair when I went out. Clara was pouring the wine on the glass.
I didn't bother to go near her and just opened the door through my balcony. It wasn't that huge but enough to accommodate at least five-sitting-people. I switched on the lights and fixed the table.
There are two couches and a table here on the balcony. I spend most of my free-time here, drinking coffee while doing my paper works.
Clara followed me here holding the bottle of wine. She placed it on the table while I was reclining the seats. She went back and out again, this time, holding the two glasses of wine.
"I thought we'll be on the couch," she said and sat on the couch I fixed for her. She opened the spared blanket and placed it carefully on the lower part of her body. I did the same before I took the glass wine' sipped on it. "So how was the date?"
She suddenly asked that I almost choke.
"Oh wait, I'll be back."
I removed the blanket on my body, placed the wine glass on the table, and ran back in my room. I even heard Clara shouting; where the hell I'm going.
I saw my phone on the side table. I was feeling giddy as I tried to open my phone after seeing his name again on my screen.
From: Ian
Yes, I'm home now. Are you busy right now? I may be bothering you.
I was smiling the whole time I was reading the reply. I went out while typing my reply to him.
To: Ian
No, I'm not busy. I'm just hanging out with a friend.
I wanted to say that he wasn't bothering me but I think that would just be too much at that very moment.
When I went out to the balcony, Clara was looking at me with a betrayal screaming on her face but then, it turned into a smile.
"The date must have turned good, right??" she said, almost shouting. I shyly nodded and sat back again on the couch.
"He asked for my number," I said in a small voice, feeling shy.
Her eyes widened but it turned suspicious.
"Don't tell me you didn't give your number? I'll pull your hair!" She even acted like she would really grab my hair, I can't help but to laugh at her.
My phone beeped. I opened it and showed it to her. "Omygosh!! You did! You did! Flirt!"
I really couldn't help but laugh at her reaction. Her eyes were shocked and she seemed happy when she realized that it was a new number on my phone.
I opened the message and read.
From: Ian
Would it be fine with your friend that I'm texting you right now?
My eyes squirted as I read it.
"That's different !!!" teasing Clara said. "What did you say? What did you say?!"
I read Ian's message, so Clara screamed and almost hit the table
I typed a message,
To: Ian
Yes, my friend wouldn't mind.
I read the message once again.
"So how was it?" Clara asked again. A hint of teasing is very visible in her smile.
"To be honest, I don't know. I can't really remember." I confessed.
Her forehead immediately furrowed.
"You don't know? You don't remember?" She asked again. She must be really confused right now.
"I can't really remember the details of the date. The only thing I can remember right now, was how comfortable I was with him. Of course, we were so awkward at first."
I admitted the truth. I do remember a little bit of the details but I just can't seem to tell it in a story way. Not that I don't want Clara to know what happened but I just didn't know how I should tell her about Ian.
Again, I haven't gone out on a date for the last couples of years.
So on that date, even though I tried, I was still nervous.
"Were you..." she said carefully before she continued "Were you happy?" I was caught off guard. How would I know?
"Clara, that's a question I couldn't answer. It's a question that would take a lot of time to answer."
Happiness? How do I describe it? Ian was fine. I'm not just sure if what I felt earlier was happiness or something else.
"It's a question that is answerable by yes-or-no." She said, almost stating the obvious.
"I know. I know."
"So was it a yes? Was it a no?" She frowned as she waited for my answer.
I barely looked at my cellphone lying on the table and it suddenly glowed. I saw a message from Ian, but I didn't bother to open it. Instead, I responded to Clara's quest.
"It was..." Was I happy? "It was different,"
I answered the truth.
Clara's brows furrowed as she tried to comprehend my answer. I don't even know if that made sense.
"That's so vague Alice. Can't you be more specific?"
She said, almost getting annoyed with my vague answers. I would laugh but I know I shouldn't.
"Clara it's too early to answer that question. I couldn't say I was happy but..." I know there's one distinct emotion that I felt while I was with Ian. I'm not even sure right now if that was emotion. "I wasn't happy Clara but I felt free with him earlier,"
There you go I said it. I saw Clara's eyes softened when she heard my answer. I looked away and took my phone to reply. I have to reply to Ian later but since I don't know how to deal with Clara after saying that I just chose to type a message.
From: Ian
Are you sure? I don't like bothering people.
That was the message.
To: Ian
Yes.
That was my only reply. I also don't know how to reply to what he said.
I put the cellphone down again under the table and picked up the bottle of wine.
"Is she still asking you to attend Henri's events?" I stopped pouring wine and placed it back on the table. Again, I'm caught off guard.
"You can't blame her. She lost a precious life." I simply answered.
It was safe but wasn't too vague. I took a sip on my wine when she said, "One last question about him," I nodded as a signal that she may throw the question. "Do you think he has a chance?"
Chance?
"What kind of chance Clara? Be specific." The word chance means a lot to me.
She could be asking me a chance to fall in love with him? A chance to flirt with him? A chance to what?
"A chance to know you and maybe eventually, to let him in your heart too."
I looked up to see the dark sky. It has stars but wasn't too many of them. The moon shines to us, but somehow it felt gloomy with the cold air.
"Clara," I lowered the wine glass and looked into her eyes "I think I've already given him that chance. I'm just not sure about the later chance you were saying"
Open my heart and let him in? I think it's too early to say that.