Sometimes, it's not bad to admit that you're scared of things you're not used to
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9
"Where's Ian?"
Xavier asked as I sat beside Clara.
"He's outside," I said and joined my friends.
Clara created another tower. Good thing she didn't use the remaining tequila and vodka but beer.
I was drinking my shot when Ian came back. He sat beside me which made me a bit shocked that I almost spilled the beer on my clothes.
"Careful," he whispered.
"Alice why are you so clumsy?" Clara said while laughing. "You'll spill the beer on your clothes,"
"I won't," I said and giggled. She took out her phone and said, "Let's take a photo. I want to update my IG." She didn't let me respond and started taking pictures.
"Clara, those were blurred," I said, laughing at the pictures she took.
"God! Why is my hand shaking?" she said and started taking pictures again.
I smiled beside her doing silly poses. Her pictures ended up blurry again.
"Let me take your photo," Marco suddenly said, grabbing Clara's phone.
Clara scooted over and Marco started taking pictures.
"See. They were good," Marco said and showed us the picture.
"Unfair, you should've asked me too!" Chesca said. Her cheeks were all red.
The redness of his cheek because of its whiteness was noticeable. Chesca is a Chinese descent. That's why her skin is pale as white.
She stood up and tried to sit beside me but since Ian was beside me, she couldn't get herself in. Ian stood up to give space for Chesca.
"Thank you," Chesca said and giggled as she sat beside me. Marco started taking pictures but ended up blurred when Lea suddenly tried to squish in.
Xavier was just laughing at us as he watched Lea squeezing herself in.
"This won't work," annoyed Marco said and returned Clara's cellphone.
"Hey! There's no shot with me yet," Lea said sullenly
"Fix it first," Marco seems frustrated with the sudden picture taking.
"Easy! Alice only came in the picture once, make the most of it." laughed Clara. Chesca also agreed so Marco was especially forced to shoot us.
"Why don't you stand there?" Xavier said while pointing to the balcony area.
"Yeah," Marco added.
"What is that! Can't we take it in here?" I don't really like taking pictures in front of people. I'm a bit shy.
Chesca and Lea stood up and went on the balcony. Clara and Marco followed them.
"Alice..." Even though I didn't want to, I was forced to stand up.
We're here to have fun and I don't want to be the kill joy of the group. I stood awkwardly beside Chesca. Marco started taking pictures but Xavier suddenly laughed.
"You guys look awkward," he said.
"Why don't you direct us?" Chesca said.
Xavier tapped Ian and stood up and started directing us.
He asked me and Clara to stand on both sides and let Lea and Chesca in between us. Xavier also asked Clara and I to tilt our heads towards the middle and slant our body a bit so we could form a bit of a semicircle. Marco started taking pictures with Xavier on his side.
"Shit dude this look good," Marco said and laughed with Xavier.
My three friends obviously enjoyed the sudden photoshoot. Marco and Xavier seem to be also enjoying directing and taking pictures of us.
"I should include this in my portfolio," Xavier said while looking at the pictures.
I also have to agree that it looks good. They really have the talent in this.
"I want a solo shot," Clara said.
"Me too," Lea and Chesca said.
"Alice should take one too," Chesca
"I'll go first,"
They didn't bother to stop me and let me do the picture first. The three of them started helping Xavier to direct my posing.
Xavier told me to lean my back on the balcony and hold on to the metal barricade behind me. He also asked me to put my right foot in front of my left foot. Clara even tilted my head to my side and Marco started taking pictures.
I felt really awkward as I saw Ian staring at me. I tried to focus so I wouldn't think of Ian staring at me. Xavier directed a few more poses until Marco and him looked satisfied with the pictures.
"Alice you look good on this," Marco said and showed me the shot.
"If I were a man I would date you," Clara said and laughed.
I just shook my head and went back to the couch. When I sat down I massaged my leg for a while. My foot is also a bit sore because I've been standing there before.
I saw my phone beeped on the table. I took it and looked. It was the pictures that Marco took. Clara sent it to me.
"Post that on your IG. I'll check it ha!" she said and started posing, so I just nodded and looked at the photos one by one.
"That looks good," I almost jumped when I heard Ian. I lifted my head and almost bumped on him. "Im sorry,"
"Is this better than the other one?" i asked and showed him a different closed up picture.
"You look good in everything," he whispered.
I looked away, feeling shy. He will just choose why is that all he has to say?
"So what? Which one should I post?" I said to change the atmosphere.
He took my phone out of my hand and started looking at the pictures thoroughly. I can't help but to move closer to see what he was looking into.
I was scared he would see something he shouldn't be seeing.
"This one looks the best," he said and showed me a different picture.
It was the shot that I was just standing with my shoulder a bit slanted. Marco took the picture from the below shot. That's why my legs look a lot taller than they are.
I nodded and took the phone out of his hand.
I opened my IG and posted the picture. I captioned it with a night out and posted it.
Now that I'm no longer looking at my phone, it suddenly felt awkward beside him.
To ease my awkward feeling, I started drinking the remaining shots on the tower.
They just kept going and didn't notice that they were back on the couch.
"God! That was exhausting," Clara said and started drinking the shots too. "Did you finish half of the tower?" she asked me with a confused face. So I nodded.
"Probably?"
"Girl you're getting drunk again," she said and stopped me from drinking another shot.
"No, give that to me." I tried to reach for the last shot but she already drank it. "Let me enjoy! I haven't gone out for months,''I said and opened another bottle.
"I know but drink moderately," Clara said, looking worried.
"Coming from you Clara. Really?" I said sarcastically.
We continued drinking until Chesca and Lea passed out. Clara was the only one who was sober among us.
Marco, Xavier, and Ian were also sober as they stopped drinking after taking pictures and let Lea and Chesca to drink.
I laughed as I saw Lea already sleeping on the couch.
"Man she's so fucking wasted," I said and laughed.
"Who's wasted?" Chesca. Her face was so red and her eyes were already sleepy na.
"Hey, I'll go home. Someone's picking me up," Clara suddenly whispered to me.
"You'll leave me here?" I asked and pout
"Do you want to go home? Because I'll take you then," come to think of it, I don't even want to go home because I just went out to have fun.
I looked at my phone, it's almost three am already.
"Okay you go home. Hey, don't forget to use protection!" Clara just laughed at me.
"Girl you're so fucking wasted," she kissed my cheeks before she bids goodbye.
"Girl don't use my own words to me," she kissed my cheeks again
"Are you going to drive?" Ian asked. I can sense the worried tone in his voice.
"Yeah I think so," I said in a small voice. "I'll just sober up. If I really can't drive then I'll text my brother to pick me up,"
Clara seems relieved as I said that. Every time we drink and I can't drive I just call my brother to pick me up. My brother loved to do that. He said, he likes me calling him whenever I'm drunk as he gets to take care of me. I don't think he can talk much anymore so he likes that. Clara kissed Lea and Chesca and started giving orders to Xavier and Marco.
"Man," Marco said as he tried to get Le's bag. "Hey Alice! I'll go first and I'll deliver it. It's not like I'm going to drink,"
I just nodded and kissed Marco on the cheek. For Marco and I, it was something normal. No malice.
He even scolded me and told me to make sure I reconciled with my brother.
Xavier tried to carry Chesca as he bids farewell too. He also said goodbye to Ian and me and left as well, leaving Ian and I.
"Aren't you going home?" I asked while drinking the last bottle of beer.
"Aren't you?" he asked me back as he stared at the beer on my hand.
"After this," I said. But he snatched the bottle and held my hand.
He stood up and pulled me up. He started dragging me out of my seat, so I quickly grabbed my bag.
"Hey!" I tried to call his attention but he ignored me and continued walking, dragging me with him.
He called the waiter and asked for the bill. However, the waiter said it's already paid and that's why he continued dragging me out of the bar.
"Hey, my feet." I said. He stopped when we got outside. "I'm not sober yet," I said and looked at my hand that he was holding.
"I'll get you home," he suddenly said.
"I'll just call my brother," I said.
I tried to dial my brother's number but he wasn't answering.
"I'll just call a cab," I said as I gave up.
My brother must be really tired right now.
"And let you all by your drunk self?" I pouted when he said that.
"What would I do then?"
"I'll get you home," I stopped complaining and just let him pull me again.
He guided me in his car. It was the same car he used on our blind date. We hopped inside and he immediately started the engine.
Suddenly, I felt sleepy now that I'm sitting comfortably. I fixed the aircon and pointed it at my face.
I didn't know what happened next but I fell asleep.
I woke up with my head feeling heavy. It was hella throbbing when I tried to move.
My eyes hurt when light passed through it even though it was close. I pulled the comforter to hide myself in.
Somehow, my comforter smells different. I tried to move a bit, trying to feel the bed.
It was comfortable yet different. I knew my bed and I knew this isn't my bed.
I slowly opened my eyes and tried to peak. I almost screamed when I saw Ian sleeping beside me.
I can no longer feel my throbbing pain as my beating heart overpowered it.
What did I do? Oh my,
Though nervous I peered at my body under the comforter. I felt relieved when I saw my dress still intact on my body.
It was as if cold water had been poured on me when Ian and I met eye to eye.
"Good morning," oh gosh!
Was that his bedroom voice? What am I thinking?
"Uh--" I couldn't even utter another word.
He suddenly sat on the bed, revealing his naked top. I almost cursed and tried to hide myself underneath the comforter.
"I'll just cook breakfast. You can use my bathroom if you want too," he said and left the room without waiting for my response.
When I heard the door close, I immediately got up and ran into his bathroom.
I went straight to the sink to look at myself. My brows furrowed as I saw my face looking bare. There's no trace of my makeup at all.
He must have removed it as I saw some used cotton pads on the trash can.
I washed my face and used the mouthwash. I combed my hair to look a bit presentable.
I tried to smell myself. I don't really smell bad but I felt a bit icky.
When I got out of the room, Ian was there putting on a shirt.
"Uh--I used your soap and mouthwash," I said with a small voice
"Do you wanna take a bath?"
I badly wanted to say yes,
"I don't have spare clothes with me,"
"I can lend you some," it was tempting but
"No, it's okay. I'll just take a bath at home."
"Okay. I'll be outside," He left me there again, petrified.
I can't get out even if I really want to get out.
I try to remember what happened last night but I can't really remember.
It only hurts when I try to worry, so I just chose to go out of his room and ask him.
When I got out of the room, Ian was in the kitchen, wearing an apron as he placed the food on the table.
"I made you a coffee," he said and placed the coffee in front of me.
"Ian... What happened last night?" I carefully asked. I have to ask. I have to.
He stopped himself from plating the foods. "You don't remember what happened last night?" There's a hint of amusement in his eyes.
I just shook my head and waited for his answer. "I said I'll get you home. When we got inside the car you fell asleep. I tried to wake you up as I don't know your address. I have no one to ask about your address so I opted to have you here instead," he casually told me.
"Nothing happened other than right?" He chuckled a bit when I asked that. Was it funny?
"Yes don't worry. I just removed your shoes and makeup and that's all."
I nodded and sipped on my coffee. It did taste good.
"However, you did say something that shocked me," he suddenly said.
I was a bit shock. I was still choked so he handed me the tissue immediately.
I slowly looked at him before speaking, still nervous "What did I say?"
I can't control myself if I'm drunk. I'm already aware of that. So I'm really nervous about what he's going to say.
"You said; meet me halfway through Ian. I can't go out of my comfort zone to meet you halfway,"
I gulped when he said that. Did I really ask him that? His eyes were dead serious as he said that, which made me a bit confused.
"And do you know what I said?" My heart throb even more, as I wait for his response "Alice," my heart started throbbing hard when he called my name.
"What?"
I tried not to stutter but I failed. I tried to control my heart but I failed. I was so afraid that he could hear my beating hard.
But what he said almost made my heart stop from beating.
"I'll meet you all the way through and," he paused a bit and continued. "I'll get you out of your comfort so you won't be scared anymore of meeting me halfway,"
I held my breath because I felt like I was running out of things to say.
He reached for my hand that was on the table. He held it and traced the ring on my finger and said, "Just let me do that Alice and I'll take care of removing this ring from your finger."
My heart felt peace when he said that.
"Let me help you to free yourself Alice,"
I've been pondering about our conversation since that day. Good thing, I've got the New York business trip to make me occupied.
"We are expecting to land in New York City approximately ten minutes ahead of schedule,"
We heard the pilot say. Lea and I started fixing ourselves as we were about to descend.
"My head hurts," she said while massaging her temple.
Lea just woke up as well.
"I told you. You should've slept the moment we flew," I said.
Our flight was in the morning, so we were expecting to land in New York at night. She couldn't sleep and ended up sleeping past half of our travel time.
So when I was asleep she was awake. When she fell asleep, I just woke up.
We fastened the seat belts when the flight attendants asked us.
It didn't take a lot of time and we have already arrived. We didn't have any hand carry bags other than our handbags. Our luggage will be picked up later.
Lea brought a lot of luggage. You thought he would live here. I kept thinking about the last time Marco and I talked.
"Why do you have to bring a lot of luggage?" I asked as he struggled to fit the suitcases in the compartment of the car she rented. She also put his other belongings in the backseat, along with a small suitcase of mine.
"Just," she said. I didn't ask any more questions and she just helped to speed us up.
When we were able to settle her luggage, we hopped inside the car. Lea was the one who drove on the way to the hotel. I should be the one driving however, she insisted soo I agreed.
When we arrived at the facade of the hotel, we were tortured again with her suitcase because we had to take it out. Fortunately and and there are stuff that helped us.
"Are you going to attend a fashion week?" I was joking because of the amount of suitcases she was carrying. He just laughed and continued as well.
"Wait for me in the lobby, I'll just park the car in the parking lot." She said after we got all of her luggages out. I just nodded and she left with the car.
When I got inside the lobby, I sat on the couch to wait for Lea. She was the one who reserved our room.
I was just scrolling on my Twitter when I received a message on my Instagram.
It was a reply to my IG story earlier in the plane. It was Clara, Chesca, and Ian.
I looked at Clara's reply first.
@Clara_Al: Lea looks dumb there.
She replied with a laughing emoji. I replied with,
@Alice_Al: she'll probably be jet lagged all night.
After Clara's I replied at Chesca's.
@ChescaSy: I heard you'll only have a one-day meeting, Clara and I should've come with you guys.
I replied with
@Alice_Al: Come here then. NYC trip us.
with a laughing Emoji.
I was scared at first but decided to open Ian's message.
@RomualdezIan_: Have a safe trip.
I almost smiled but tried to suppress it. However, I knew I failed myself to do so.
I really didn't know what to reply, I chose to say
@Alice_Al: thank you with a smiley face emoji.
While I was typing my reply for Ian, Lea suddenly approached me.
"Why are you smiling alone?" She asked, which made me panic.
I hid my phone and tried to sound casual. "Chesca and Clara replied to my IG story. I hope they come along,"
I got up and approached him. I didn't want to talk about Ian with Lea. I'm just not ready to tell Lea that I wanted to see someone.
"Tell them next," she said and laughed at me.
"Yeah I did reply that. I said NYC trip" I said laughing and walked well closer to the reception.
"What did she reply after that?" I was about to respond but she talked to the receptionist. "Oh yes I have a reservation under Ovelea de Guzman." After she talked to the lady, she turned to me.
"She hasn't replied yet,"
"Oh. I hope they would follow us here," she said and turned around to get our card keys. "Oh by the way, I have personal ventures on Wednesday and Thursday. Feel free to roam around," she said ND handed me the card keys.
I didn't bother to answer. I probably know what her personal ventures will be.
"Let's rehearse a bit tomorrow morning before we attend the meeting ha," Lea said before she opened her hotel room. "Good night,"
She kissed my cheeks when she said that. "Good night," I whisper too.
I waited for her to enter her hotel room before I entered mine. It's just the same so I won't go away.
I didn't bother to put my things in the closet and just let my luggage open on the floor.
Usually I would forget that I had stuffs on the closet and ended up leaving them.
I just took my pajamas and took out my bathing gear.
I entered the bathroom and took a quick shower. Before that, I called a room service. I ordered coffee so I can relax a bit before I go to sleep.
It's morning in the Philippines right now. I wonder if Chesca and Clara had seen my replies.
I wore a robe on top of my pajamas after taking a quick shower and drying my hair.
Just right on time, the room service came.
I ordered some hot water, coffee, and three bottles of beer.
I opened the balcony and placed the bottles of beer on the table there.
I finished the setup first before re -entering the room and picked up the laptop.
I should study more about the proposal.
I removed the robe and wore a hoodie before I went out to the balcony.
I opened the laptop and played a song. I started drinking the beer.
I opted to drink beer instead of coffee.
Maybe I can't sleep later because of the coffee. And at least with beer, I'm sure I'll be able to fall asleep later.
I opened the file and started reading them again. I stopped in the middle of a paragraph when my phone beeped. It was Clara and Chesca.
@ChescaSy: Legit? Ill book our flight now?
That was Chesca's reply.
@Clara_Al: Chesca said you wanted us to follow you guys there? Is that true?
Probably they have already talked about it.
@Alice_Al: I was just kidding but if you're free then why not?
It didn't take long enough for Clara to reply back.
@Clara_Al: Girl for real? I'm free this week.
Omg!! Is this real?
@Alice_Al: The meeting is just one day. I don't know why Lea booked us for a week. Also I'll be alone on Wednesday and Thursday. May personal ventures daw si Lea.
Clara immediately replied.
@Clara_Al: I'll talk to Chesca. If she's available, we'll immediately fly there. Ghorl this is so sudden!
I laughed at her reply. It's true anyway. It's too sudden for a trip.
I continued working on my readings. I summarized half of the paper and decided to summarize the latter half tomorrow morning.
I am a bit tipsy as I almost finished the third bottle. I stopped working on the paper and just stared at the night sky.
It's rare for me to have a moment like this. I've always wanted to be alone. However, it has become hard for me to do that after Henri's death.
I always think of him and it didn't go well for me then.
Henri was the love of my life. I don't think I'll ever forget my love for him. It may fade and turn into another kind of love but it will always have its own place in my heart. He deserves to have his own spot in my heart.
I smiled remembering what happened years ago. But then, my smile faded thinking how happy we have been.
It all turned 360 when Henri died.
"I wish you were still here," I whispered to myself. I put down the bottle of beer.
I sighed and opened my phone when it beeped.
There's a message from Ian through my IG. Why are you still awake? It's probably midnight there.
My brows furrowed after reading his message.
@Alice_Al: How'd you know I'm still awake?
@RomualdezIan_: I just know.
@Alice_Al: Are you psychic?
@RomualdezIan_: That's funny.
I found myself smiling while messaging with him. I should be sleeping right now.
@Alice_Al: I can't sleep.
It took him five minutes to reply.
@RomualdezIan_: Can I call?
I felt my heart beating fast. I didn't know what to say. I was just looking there and didn't really know what to say.
@RomualdezIan_: If it's okay with you.
@Alice_Al: You can call in five minutes
I immediately stood up and put away my belongings. I just left the earphone and put it on my phone.
I felt suddenly hot the moment I went to my bed, waiting for his call. We have been talking with each other for sometime but it was all through text messages. We haven't talked with each other since the conversation we had during our farewell party at the Cavaleir's.
I was startled when I saw his name on the screen on my phone. My thumb was shaking when I swiped the button to accept the incoming call.
I bit my lip when I heard him talk. My heart started to pound harder. I was instilled at my very spot, without breathing properly.
[Hey,]
I even covered my mouth, avoiding making a noise. Omygosh! I almost forgot this kind of feeling. The nervousness caused by a guy.
[You still there?]
His voice was calm. It wasn't much different with his voice in person. It was deep but fine.
I breathe heavily before I spoke, "Hey,"
I didn't know why but my voice broke a little and it was so small. It wasn't my usual voice.
I heard him chuckle for a second before he spoke again. I was biting my nails out of nervousness.
[Why can't you sleep? Jet lag?] His voice was a bit concerned.
Is this the thrill? It was also a long time since the last time I shivered. I mean, I know we are just trying to know each other but we're already adults, we're no longer teenagers that need so much guidance.
"No, I was reading a proposal." I said after calming myself. But whom am I kidding? As if I can calm myself right?
[Such a workaholic,] he said and chuckled.
"It's due tomorrow. I have to work on that," I explained. "How about you? Aren't you busy? It's probably noon there," I said and glanced at the screen of my phone.
[I'm having lunch right now,] Oh I see. I didn't notice that. He seems so casual while talking to me.
"Eat well then,"
Our conversation was just wholesome the whole night. It ended after thirty minutes as I felt sleepy. It was just a cute conversation.