Sometimes, we're too busy looking for an answer that we forgot that we can create an answer on our own.
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2
I was trying to drive as fast as I could. I'm actually a bit hungry and I know that I can eat good food at Sandy's.
It's one of our— my favorite places to eat.
When I got outside the restaurant, I was able to park immediately. Good thing there are vacant spots. I would be irritated if I ended up looking for a space to park my car.
"I'm really hungry." I whispered to myself as I adjusted the parking of my car.
Right after I turned off the engine, my phone rang.
Calling Clara...
[Where are you? I'm so hungry na.] she complained to me. So I quickly got out of the car after I turned off the engine. I got out of the car carrying the handbag in my left hand while my right hand was busy on the phone.
"I'm here. I just parked the car. Wait!" laughing I told her. Which made her chuckled as well.
[I've been waiting for a while.] I was just shaken. When I entered I saw Clara looking at the food served in front of her while the one in the ear
"I'll hang up." I dropped the call and approached him immediately. "Hey ..." I said when I sat in front of her.
"What took you so long? I'm so hungry." She said as she hurried to get her utensils, ignoring my presence.
"You should've started eating without me. You're already hungry." I laughed as I handed over the utensil as well. I chose not to answer her question because I also couldn't tell hee that I had a sudden anxiety attack. I'm sure she'll just worry about me.
She looked at me and narrowed his eyes. But then, she arched her brow and said, "Sorry ha! As if it was my fault waiting for you." I just laughed at her and didn't argue anymore. We were both hungry so we had to just eat.
Sandy's is a Filipino-cuisine restaurant. We often eat here because the menu that they serve here depends on the time. Right now, Clara and I are eating various dishes with brown rice on the side.
"It's good that we're working hard to work out." Out-of-nowhere Clara said. It took a while for my brain to process what shee said before I finally understood.
Clara and I love to eat. We aren't that conscious when it comes to eating. Tho, there are times that we are restricting ourselves, dahil sobra na talaga. That's why Clara and I always try to find time to lose what we ate.
And od the reason why we love yo eat here is because Sandy's serve organic food and brown rice. We don't really have to be conscious since the ingredients are healthy.
"So, how are you?" Clara suddenly asked.
One of Clara's traits is that she's thoughtful. Whenever we're hanging out, she'll always ask about my well-being. She just knew that I had to be asked or I won't talk about it.
I couldn't help myself and stare at her. Her eyes wanted to say something, yet refusing to do so.
I have known Clara since high school. Ever since, we've been inseparable. Even in college, despite attending different university, we still find time for each other. We are friends with others too, but we still sought each other.
I don't know but it seems like we are each other's comfort zone. A zone that we can always let ourselves in and lt ourselves out anytime we want.
"The usual." I answered shortly. Whenever she's asking my well-being, I'm always giving her vague answers. I just couldn't tell her that I'm fine or that she doesn't have to worry. Because she already knew that it was a lie, and I don't intend to lie on her.
Clara ate silently. She didn't ask anymore. Probably she knows that I'll give her another vague answer as well.
I couldn't eat properly and kept thinking, because she's acting like she wanted to say something but she's too skeptical to ask.
I know why she's hesitant. It's not because she's afraid of my reaction but she knew that there are things that would make me sad. She doesn't want that for me.
"Just say it." I can't help it anymore. Earlier she would look at me, sigh, speak properly, shake, and bow.
"I already know the answer. So, why bother." She said nonchalant. As if she really already knew what my answer would be.
"Still, say it. You wouldn't wh---"
"Go on a blind date." She said cutting me off.
I didn't answer or I couldn't answer.
It was actually the second time she asked me to go on a blind date. The first time she asked me to go on a blind date, I burst out.
"Can I at least say the details?" she said
"Okay." My response was weak. As if that's the cue, she smiled widely. She has long wanted to set me up with men. I'm the only one who really doesn't want to.
"Well, you know Chesca, she likes setting up a blind date. She asked me a couple of times to go on a blind date, but you know I'm currently dating someone secretly. She would have liked to set you up, but she couldn't say it to you as she was trying to respect you. Last week, we coincidentally met at a restaurant in BGC. Then Ches told me that, she has a friend who's looking for a date. Ches said, she can guarantee her friendship with you because the guy is really fine. Since the guy is really good and nice, he can't be set up with just anyone. " She explained. I nodded showing that I understood the details.
Chesca is also a friend. Aside from Clara, I'm close with Chesca Sy. She's a good friend of mine.
"When is that?" I simply asked. Clara's eyes widened, as if I said something really shocking.
"Really? You're interested?" Her tone really says that she's shock upon hearing my question.
"I'd be lying to you, if I say I'm not." I paused a bit, trying not to tear up. "I wouldn't deny the fact that I've also been thinking of those kinds of things. Sometimes, I would think, should I ask Chesca or you to set me up? Or just let it happen naturally." Clara was just looking at me, trying to digest what I just said.
"It's been years Alice. It's 2020 Alice, yet you're still in the year 2013." Clara suddenly said. She reached out for my hand and squeezed it a bit.
Clara knew everything. She was there. She saw me breaking down, everyday.
"It's hard Clara." I said, admitting my real feelings.
Clara and I have known each other for more than a decade. Sinc then, I haven't kept a secret from her.
"It's not really easy but it's been a few years Alice. I don't blame you but sometimes I want to ask why you can't forget? Is it because I'm reminding you or because you just don't want to?" every word Clara utters penetrates my heart. Because it's true so I can't answer
"I'm not saying it's your fault why you're hurting because I'm not in the position to say that nor that I'm feeling how you feel, but maybe because, maybe because ..." she can't finish her words as she was trying to weigh my emotions.
"Because?"
"Maybe because you weren't trying enough because you don't know how. Again, I'm not trying to blame you. It sounds like I was blaming you but Alice it's all on you na."
I tried to closed my eyes for a bit to refrain myself from tearing up, we're in a public place and I don't want to create a scene. I also don't want Clara to see me hurting.
"Sometimes, I would also ask myself. Was it my fault for not forgetting what happened years ago? Do I lack something? or it is that just hard? I did ask myself a lot of times Clara, but it seems like I can't find the answer. "
"Alice, you don't need to look for the answer."
"What do you mean?" I couldn't help but ask. Shouldn't I look for the answer?
"You don't need to look for something that isn't existing in the first place." She slightly squeezed my hand and smiled at me before leaving me, again, another statement that may be, will change my life. "You create it Alice."