It's me again. Here I am living my life in isolation. Each minute feels like an eternity. I have no one to talk to... but that isn't something new. I am used to it anyway yet the feeling of being in a pitiable position just doesn't go away.
Now I just talk to myself in my mind. It's just me and these four walls I'm surrounded by. I can't feel a thing. But it's like that only for sometime, then all of a sudden a stream of negative feelings flow through my head. And it kept happening repetitively and now I've reached the point where it doesn't choke me up anymore. I guess the loneliness has made me grow numb and my heart has grown stone cold.
But, I want to look on the bright side of things. So I just recollect my happy memories. There aren't many. I can't seem to remember sometimes... I don't know why. But this keeps happening; multiple scenes keep replaying in my head, it's as if they're telling me a story but the memory of it is pretty hazy. I wonder what it is about.
I think I've spoken enough about my feelings... Now I wish to live my life in a childish manner. I can play by myself, cook and eat by myself and also take care of the house by myself and my mother told me how good of a girl I am. I guess this is the only good thing that came out of all this...it's these compliments that I like, these are probably my only good memories.
But it seems like the people can't even digest this; what's so wrong with being childish? Why are they always trying to find ways to make me cry? Am I not allowed to be happy? What have I done in this life that I'm made to feel miserable every single time! I hope this ends... I don't want to pick the pieces of my shattered heart anymore... Why do they harm people just because they can? All of these questions probably were, are and will be rhetorical for the rest of my life because I have no one here to give me answers... everyone here are too blinded and indulged in emotional sadism.