I always believed in respect before anything else. It was no secret that I did indeed go through some hard times in recent years when I had barely graduated to look after my mother who was starting to get unwell in her old age. Well, she had been a single mother for years in a society where such things were easily over- looked, so I wasn't surprised in the least that she got ill. But for her to get diagnosed so quickly and then passing away as soon as we landed in a new city that I was completely clueless about; it was just too overwhelming for me, to the point where I locked myself in my room for about a month after I signed the marriage papers with a cousin of mine I barely knew and to be honest I didn't want to get to know him. We came from different worlds so what was the point of getting know anyone apart from my uncle who was the only person to make me feel welcome into his mansion that was big enough to take over half of the apartments in my building.
I will never forget how the 'marriage' between us happened and how quickly it had come about; I practically had ripped into my mother about how unfair this marriage was for both of us! I had never even stepped foot into a home where I was not welcomed, and now I was being forced onto this stranger who was supposed to be my cousin as his wife? We had barely exchanged a few words between us, apart from my accepting his condolences on my mother's condition. Then when we got the news that my mother wouldn't make it we had to sign the papers on her deathbed! My mother had lived her life with pride and had taught me to do the same, yet when I was completely orphaned I was left humiliated to live on my cousin's mercy and compassion? I didn't want to be forced into a stranger's life! But what could any of us do? It was her dying wish and I had nowhere else to go! And I heard his little rant to to his cousin, who looked like at me like I was dirt under her shoe, which just tore my pride apart even more.
My self-esteem had been ripped to shreds and I had no face to show anyone. I was always told that relationships could only form between equals but this rich family was well beyond my league and everyone seemed to know it apart from my mother and my uncle. I kept telling my mother this was a terrible idea, before she had passed, and I continuously tried to tell her how small I felt to someone who wasn't of equal education and status, but she was just too worried about me I guess. But I valued self-respect and independence from her more than anything and she knew it. So how else could I act other than stoic? What could I say to the man I was forced to live with? I knew that Ashar Hussain wasn't suited to be with me like he was to his own maternal cousin, Sara Ajmal, but it was far too late to do anything about it at all now.