He laid me on the bed in what he said was my room. I kept my eyes on him. I didn't totally lie down. I sat and leaned on the pillows. I rested my head on the headboard while he was fixing my blanket. He finally met my eyes when he was done.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"For what?" I asked innocently.
He sat down beside me.
"I'm sorry if I..." he's hesitant, " I'm using you,"
"You're finally admitting it," I murmured but I know he can hear it.
"I'm also sorry if I kissed you in front of everyone," he said apologetically.
I looked away and didn't say anything.
He smiled at me sweetly. His dimples in both cheeks were visible because of that smile. He was going to stand up but I grabbed his wrist. He looked at my hand before returning his gaze to me.
"Use me," I said and met his eyes.
He looked confused. "What?"
"Use me," I looked away, "Use me until you get tired of me. Use me until you don't want to anymore. Use me until you gain everything you want. Use me until you're finally confident that you've move on. Use me until..." I sighed, "until you're done taking advantage of me," I looked at him again with teary eyes. I smiled so those tears had their chance to fall. "I won't forbid you from doing that. After all, you're the only one I have right nā"
I wasn't able to finish my last sentence when he moved so fast. He suddenly held the back of my neck and kissed me. He moves slowly, carefully but with respect. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes while keeping up with his moves.
His lips... It tastes like alcohol and... mint. He went on top of me without letting go of my lips. He's like a starving person. When he finally let go of my lips, we were both panting. My arms were stil wrapped around the back of his neck.
He looked at me as if he got dizzy. I know he's restraining himself from going farther. He smiled at me and I don't know... it was just contagious that it made me smile too. He laid down beside me while hugging me. I made my arm my pillow and faced him. He was doing the same thing.
"Why are you doing this to me?" his question made my forehead crease because of confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You..." he fixed the strands of hair I have in my face, "make me want to kiss you."
I loudly grinned by what he said.
"What are you? A kiss addict?" I asked jokingly.
"What if I am? Will you satisfy my needs?" it was in a very, very seducing way with matching grin.
I cleared my throat and tried to stare at the ceiling to avoid his gaze but he immediately hugged me tighter and brought me nearer to him.
"W- what?" I stuttered and the reason was because of my heart.
It's starting again. My heart's beating so fast once again.
He put his head on my shoulder so I had to tilt my head to the right to give him more space. He's currently hugging me from the back so I can feel his breath beside my neck.
"This feels nice," he said.
I can see him closing his eyes in my peripheral view.
"It feels like I'm home"
"Home?" I asked and he nodded.
I feel like home?
"This is my first time," I said.
He moaned as if he's telling me to continue.
"This is the first time someone said those words to me," I continued.
I waited for his response but I didn't get any. I faced him and he didn't move. He's breathing though. I raised my hand and slowly touched his forehead. My hands slowly went down to his brows, then to his closed eyes with long lashes. He looks so peaceful. It went down to his nose then to his lips.
'Why does everything about you looks perfect?' I asked myself through my mind.
"Me too," I whispered, " I also feel at home when I'm with you. I feel safe when you are near me." I smiled, " I like being with you even though you're just using me. You're the first person who actually felt like home."
Can I really do it? Can I really leave my life and world for you? For someone whom I see as a family? As a savior? As a friend? And as a man? Can I really sacrifice everything I have just to have you? Even if there's only a small chance of us having the same feelings? Can I do it? Or maybe, should I do it?
I slowly closed my eyes and tried to put myself to sleep.
You're the last person I saw before I closed my eyes and I'm also hoping that you'd be the first I'll see tomorrow morning.
For the first time I felt the contentment inside my heart. The satisfaction from the fact that someone sees me as an important person not just an acquaintance. I can say right now that I totally fell for you in just one day.
'My home'
The Next Morning...
I opened my eyes due to the sunlight that passed through the window. I immediately faced the person behind me. He was still asleep. I unconsciously smiled at the beautiful view. The sun was lighting up his face that's why I can see his face even without the light.
"You still look beautiful even when you're asleep," I whispered.
We're like husband and wife. We sleep beside each other and wake up still with each other.
I was surprised and gasped when he suddenly brought me near him buy hugging me. He's hugging me tighter as if he's going to loose me if he release me.
"Good morning," he said before opening his eyes and smiling at me.
"G- good morning," I tried to smile the nervousness out.
"Why are you stuttering?" he asked.
I looked away, " No reason."