2 AM!
I think everyone's fast asleep!
In the end, I managed to sleep for 5 hours. Though it's not much, it's much better than not getting a wink of sleep. That being said, I've been lying on my bed awake, for the past 15 minutes. I've been craving a light snack for a while now...
Ugh! Alright...Time to go get it. I started tip-toeing down the stairs and onto the main hallway. Everyone seemed to be fast asleep. I started moving to the kitchen and upon entering it, headed straight to the fridge.
Ok, now it's time for my midnight madness...What?! It's ...It's not here! Oi...Where's my chocolate ice cream? I swear I saved it for times like this...That little punk! Now he has done it! How dare he belittles me and eats my special dessert? He will pay for this! Agh! Why does an elder sibling have to bear the mischiefs of their younger sibling? I rarely would like to expel my energy in such a measly fashion, but today is one of those days where it's in my liberty to voice out my frustration!
Anyway, I'm lucky that my tastes are far beyond his comprehension. Time to savor you, my dear...my one, and only...DARK CHOCOLATE!
'As long as I have you in my life...I shall never need anyone else by my side!'
Oh! That's not me. It's just the motto of this series. Though it's quite lame, the chocolate is on another level! In a good way. Source: Me!
Dark chocolate for me, I don't know how to put it...It just feels perfect. The bitterness along with fewer amounts of sugar compared to regular milk chocolate balances out the uneven taste you feel the first time, and as you go on, it just feels like that's the natural taste for you.
Truth be told, I'm only living on dark chocolate now, in terms of anything I consider sweet or as a snack. I don't seem to be able to handle sweets now all too well like I used to, but I don't miss them that much.
What about Choco milk? If you were wondering about it, well how do I justify it...? I think I don't hate it, but I'm not a huge admirer of it either. If it's there, I'll have a sip or two, if it's not I wouldn't miss it.
But it's a whole different case for "la Mort au Chocolat" or in simple words "Death by Chocolate"! There's something in it that keeps pulling me back, and thankfully, being a peasant had its perks, as in this case, that was a luxury I would treat myself to, very rarely. I wonder what would become of me if I had access to unlimited wealth? Would I buy a chain of Ice cream stores and just live on DBC alone? Yikes, the thought is scary, but it wouldn't hurt to try from a business point of view.
Well, that was quite a tangent I went upon. But this late at night, what else was I supposed to do? If only I could understand myself better, maybe I would have also started spurring out some insane monologues. I would have been a cult classic main protagonist. Well, that's certainly something I have to avoid.
I started moving slowly to my room and closed the door with precision, so as to not wake up the others. Stealth Skill Acquired and successfully implemented!
I started munching in on my dark chocolate, while carefully savoring its taste, and finally, after it vanished, I just cleansed my hands with a wet rub and was back in the same position, lying on my bed, thinking about meaningless stuff.
'What is it like, to have an elder sibling?'
That thought entered my head. Well, not long ago I had someone who filled that void, but things have changed now. Wait, is it because that I no longer have that person that there's a void? Have I been corrupted?
But sometimes, only these lonely nights, I do want to feel embraced. I want to hold onto someone and just sleep without a care in the world. I don't understand what kind of person I am. Sometimes I push everyone away and want to be alone. And yet, in times like these, I want to feel the warmth of someone, even if it's temporary.
'I want to be alone. But not lonely.'
That's what I always come back to. Is that even possible? Is that even right of me, to ask for something of that sort? Sometimes, at times like these, I feel like I want to be dumb, instead of being so uncertain. People often assume that I'm indifferent to my surroundings, to them, and even to her, who sticks so close to me.
'I'm not that dumb, idiot!'
I more or less can pick up the hints and understand what it is that you want. But I wish even you understood, that it's not something I can have or give in this lifetime. I know what it is that want, Hina!
Our promise! I know, I still remember it. Does not a day go by when I still wonder if that was the right decision? Have I given you despair in the promise of hope? Look at us, sneaking out of classes just for these strange desires, these uncertainties we have about who were are. We can't even define our relationship.
And yet, while I'm sitting back, and reminiscing the past, you're already pushing yourself too hard for the future. You have to stop it. Learn from Icarus! You'll burn down trying to have something that you shouldn't.
But if anything, it's me that should be burnt to ashes. I've not changed much, even after going through so much with Yuki-nee, Sakura, Rinko-san, and my mother. Not just them, but even much other personnel. And now Hina. I understand her situation, more or less. Why she's being targeted, and what's the motive. But I wanted to hear that from her own mouth.
And yet, at the same time, I didn't want her to open up those wounds which she has buried deep. Plus, her mother. She's someone I wouldn't want to be involved with on a personal level. Why? To sum it up, she's kind of a yandere. If she doesn't like you, she wouldn't be involved with you. But if she likes you, then she's never letting you out of her sight. Sometimes, I wonder who's interested more in me. Hina, or her mother?
But I'm probably getting too ahead on myself. Hina is just a weak little girl, who has confided in me and depends upon me. While her mother wants me to support her, for now, and till the end of time, or until our relationship lasts.
I don't have a problem with that. What annoys me, is that I have to stay by her daughter while being oblivious of her situation. I don't like to be left in the dark. If she trusts me and wants me to be with her daughter, then she must be willing to share the key information, that decides what will happen to Hina. Because I can already sense it.
I raised my arm to the ceiling in this dark room.
At this rate...
'I CAN'T PROTECT HINA!'