"I'm sorry? Bur for what?"
"For having to break down your delusions."
"What delusions?"
"That we can stay like this forever. The fact that you'll never let go of me."
"Those are not delusions!"
"Is that so? Then what are they?"
"That's the future!"
"And who are you supposed to be? A fortune-teller?"
"Enough! I don't want to speak of this any further!"
I grabbed her by her arm and slammed her carefully, against the wall. We were alone.
"Agh!"
I covered her mouth with my hand.
"Listen, I've been polite and gentle with you because of the immense gratitude and debt I have towards you. But don't try to overstep your boundaries. It would just take a moment for me to cross the line and ruin you, and later throw you off to those kinds of hounds we just met. But if I were you, I wouldn't want that thought to even cross my head. I'd rather be dead. You might as well drop this act. If I were to really get serious, your family would suffer much worse than what it has already had!"
I wasn't furious, but I said that with the cold eyes piercing right through her, while my tone was deeper than usual. Playtime's over.
This should have been enough. But on this certain occasion, that wasn't the case. She bit my hand and slapped me in the face.
"And what are you trying to achieve by pulling off such a cheap trick! Ridiculous!"
Nope, I apologize in advance for the wrath I'm about to unleash on you.
I caught her by the arms and lifted them high with one hand while pushing her back towards the wall.
"Ouch! It hurts. Nao, stop this!"
I lifted my other arm and waved in front of her, grabbing her attention. Good, now she was focusing on my hand.
"You do try to be upfront and act like you're fine with this but..."
I slowly put my finger at the top of her forehead.
"At the end of the day, you're just a helpless and lonely woman..."
I slowly moved my finger down and stopped at her lips.
"A weak little girl locked up in the body of an adult!"
I stepped in a little further and pulled her lip down. Her eyes...they were stuttering, as if she was scared. And scared she must be. I leaned in and whispered...
"Even if you say all those sweet for nothings, at the end of the day, you can never do what you proclaim. Because if there's one thing about you, it's loyalty. You're too loyal to your family, that you can never betray them, unless..."
I slowly started moving down to her neck and reached her collar bone, which was under the sweatshirt.
"Unless it's your beloved Nao..."
Her pupils dilated from just hearing that name. Tears started to roll out of her eyes.
"No, that...that's not true."
Sorry Rinko-san, but it's clearly evident.
"You say that but..."
I started moving my finger again, teasing her by almost touching her chest, but skipped it in an instant, that she didn't notice it. I placed my hand at her pant.
"Yet, there's not a hint of resistance? Is it because it's his body, I wonder?"
Devastation. That's what she felt. In that alleyway, that was devoid of a single soul, it would make sense that it'd be pointless to even let out a cry. But to just be quiet like this, it only supported the fact.
I was at my limit with my injured arm. I pressed my arm and grabbed her denim pants. She was terrified now. And now, for the first time in forever, she's actually looking at me for who I am.
"Stop...Stop it! Please! I'm sorry, but..."
I removed my hand from her denim, and...
"Rinko-san, why am I alive?"
"Huh?!"
That was too much for her. But unlike her, I don't have to deal with the mechanics of emotions. So, I went on...
"You know, I always wondered why, why is it that I am alive? Why do I stick out like a sore thumb? And why is that I'm a whirlpool of disaster? "
"..."
"And that's when I deduced, that I owe that pleasure to you. Why? Well, it's because of you that I'm alive. But more importantly..."
I looked at her.
"It's your selfishness! The fact that you saved me out of your own interests, is alone enough to stop me from pondering about it. It wasn't love, affection, care, or all those stuff. It was your own personal wish. And you just justify it with those vague and hollow feelings..."
I let go of her hands. Her feet were shaking. She was in disbelief. She was shattered on the inside.
"No, that's not..."
"Rinko-san! Who am I?"
"Who are you?"
"Yes, who am I?"
"You're Naofumi. Naofumi Katsuki!"
I nodded my head.
"Then, who am I?"
"..."
"See, even after these many years, you still believe that I'm your Nao, so much so that, I...I don't even have my own identity, a name to be addressed and remembered by. Have you ever wondered, how strange it was for me to be addressed by that name? Have you ever thought about the fact that, maybe, just maybe, that I am my own person and not Nao? You were the one person who truly understood me, and raised me, and adored me, and yet..."
I stepped back away from her, and slowly moved a few steps away, with my back towards her.
"Why did I feel so distant? Why was it that, even you hadn't acknowledged my existence? Why was it that I was enduring so much trouble? Tell me, Rinko-san!"
She fell down on her knees, filled in dismay.
"For the past 3...No, from ever since I entered this world, I've been in a mental asylum, my own asylum. All I could see were people who wanted me to be erased from this world, with the justification of wanting the actual soul of this empty vessel back. And in that utter chaotic world, you were a ray of light. All the time we spent, from making cookies to having a bath together, I cherished them and felt wanted for the first time. But that was a lie. It was nothing but you being considerate, and most likely, no, it' was obvious, that you were also still thinking of him."
"Tell me Rinko-san, do I not deserve to live? Do I not deserve to be remembered. And do I...not deserve to be loved, for the person I am?"
They were just feeble questions at this point, for I already know the answer to them. But, maybe, it's just, I wanted closure, and she was the only one who could give me that.
"I...I...I..."
She was struggling to even talk. Well, I guess it was too much for her.
I sighed.
"Save it!"
I went down on my knees and just pressed my hand against her sobbing and heartbroken face.
"It's not your fault. You just loved him so much that...you were never conscious of my existence. I understand that, and that's why..."
Up until now, I hadn't noticed but, the weather was changing, and now dark clouds loomed over us.
"I DESPISE YOU!"
I leaned in and kissed her, and yes, it was a french kiss. Breaking a relationship sometimes can be quite painful. We can never undo things, and that's why, sometimes, we just have to cross the line. If we were to never go back, then this is how it must end. Using the body of the person she cares, while suppressing my thoughts onto her, was cruel. But it is what it is!"
I hugged her tight as the droplets of rain showered upon us. At that point, I was caressing a weak little girl, who was forced to step into the world and be an adult.
"You've fought well, you can rest now!"
She held onto me tightly, until her grip loosened. Looks like she fainted. We weren't that far away, so I decided to carry her on my back. She's surprisingly light. I took her home, where Yuki-nee was waiting for us. She took care of her clothes and stuff, while I dried myself up. We exchanged a few words, nothing noteworthy. I just speedrun what had happened, and skipped out on the kissing part.
Finally, the downpour had settled sown. I started on my way back home.
I think I did a good job on my parting gift.
'Thank you for everything and SAYONARA!'
I prepared my favorite dish that she always cooked. It was my way of saying I don't need to be under her wing anymore. The next time we meet...
It was 9:40 PM.
Almost 10 hours since my discharge. Man, finally I can sleep on my bed. That's unusual. They should have passed out by now. Why's the light on? I opened the door.
"You're late!"
A familiar face that was not my mother surprised me.
"SAKURA?!"