Regret!
The feeling that dictates mankind. It is simple, yet it is complicated!
Why do humans live every day? Why do humans yearn for more time? Why do humans yearn for more money? Why do humans yearn for more love? More...More...More... It's because they have things they look back on and feel miserable, feel that they could have done better, wanted another choice, and much more stuff...
And sometimes, even the choices you've made. Did I have regrets? No! Maybe? I've never been honest in my life till now, so how would I know? I may be the most honest and straightforward guy you might have met, but that's only to you. I'm a pathological liar to myself. I always lie! I can never accept the truth, for the truth is a product of a lie! And happiness is a lie. How?
If your net worth was to be the trouble in your life, then happiness is a credit lent out! You can choose to be happy, for that time will be short and sweet, before you have to cut short your life to pay back the interest! You can never escape trouble. You can never escape the pain. You can never escape the rage, despair, ego, envy, hatred filled inside of you. You think of it as poison to the system. And you use all your powers to tame them and conceal them from everyone. Yet, you have the audacity to pass judgment on others who share what you conceal! Ironic, isn't it?
People can never accept the darkness inside them. What are you? A holy spirit? A messenger of God? The chosen one? You are nothing more than a poisonous being. In fact, the most poisonous one in existence. How? Why?... I hold no obligation to give you the answer. But I will tell you this. This darkness that you loathe inside you, it's poison. And it's an addicting kind. The only way you can save yourself is by...DEATH!
Humanity isn't a beauty! We are the cursed ones! Why? Because as much as we are smart, we are the ones that live out with the knowledge of death lurking behind in our brains. That is what dictates our play. This world is not in chaos. WE ARE THE CHAOS!
Money, Time, and other such stuff. These are things that have been quantified by humans and locked in a chain. They were means to measure life and raise comfort. But now they are what dictates a human's life. What should have been a means of necessity is now the epitome of what gives a human power to stand at the top, above the rest. Tch!
The world is an unjust place. Nobles will always be handed out something we will end up sacrificing for. And there's envy and resentment. But there are times I'm happy that I wasn't part of their realm. Why?. Look at it this way.
We are just one of the many soldiers in a kingdom, who have to fight to survive, while they have to deal with the politics of their world while staying in a cocoon. And you'd feel what's good about it? You'd wonder why wouldn't want to grasp a position that takes them into their world?
There's nothing wrong with that. But this is how I look at it.
It's because I'm a soldier, I can fight for my own dreams, so much so that I'd have to kill "my enemy's dreams" because I can only care about mine, while at the same time, I'd be responsible for my downfall.
But that's not the same for them. One wrong move and they'd be responsible for the downfall of countless souls, irrespective of whether we ever wanted to be involved with them or not, while their hands will be stained in scarlet red. But will that change anything? Who knows?
I may be a fool for not trying hard, but sometimes stepping back may mean living another day. And that's always looked down upon. Everyone wants to be written into History, but barely a few ever try, and only a handful makes it.
I may not be the one centered in folk tales. And I'll carry that envy. And over time, when I'd outlive them, and certainly when that envy and resentment turns to grief, I'd have started narrating this treacherous story of mine and given birth as folklore.
And that's a fitting end. For I will be the only one, the silent observer, who knows the truth. The actual truth!
So, do I have regrets?
I DON'T KNOW! Maybe, until that moment, I didn't. But now, I do!
For a while now, I have always looked back. Look back at the faintest of steps I've set, the decisions I've made, and the people I've blighted with my contact. This isn't self-depreciation. This is the reality of things. For a while now...No! For the time I've been here, I've been nothing but a source of disaster and trouble to everyone around me. Sure, I might be the reason for their smile, but that doesn't go without mentioning that I was the reason for their scars.
Rinko-san, Sakura, Mom, Dad, My little brother, Uncle Harumi, Saishi are just some of the people I can remember at the top of my head in an instant. But they're not the only ones. There are a lot. But if there are individuals I regret stepping foot into their lives, there are 2 that stand out at the top. Yukiko Harumi and Katanari Michiru! And...
Why? Because these two individuals have changed me forever, and because it is them that I will certainly hurt the most. Because I have to! That is who I am!
I can never rewrite my wrongdoings. I can never time travel to make amends. But is that enough to declare that I'm resenting myself? That I have regrets? Can't that just mean I'm looking back at things and learning my mistakes, to make sure I don't fall for the same trap twice?
But even someone of my caliber must accept it, sometimes there are things that are beyond my comprehension.
"Oi! Wake up. I didn't give you time to space out. Tch!"
Agh! I remember. I'm at school. The wind's pretty gusty. Dark clouds are looming around pretty much everywhere. Agh! I could feel my broken ribs. Pfft! So I'm coughing blood eh? I could see a group of 12-20 men surround me. How did I end up here?
"Boys, lift him up!"
I was mercilessly dragged and lifted back to my feet, but I was weak to stand on my own feet, that I dropped down on my knees. I felt a foot on my shoulder, as the owner was wiping the blood off his hands. Hey, Yuki-nee? Are you enjoying this sight? You must be. I'm sure! Hmm...
"Oi! What's so funny about this?"
I felt a baseball bat hit my stomach hard, that I'm back to square one.
He caught hold of my hair and lifted my head, and turned it towards the direction of two men. Yuki-nee and Miku. And I could see a huge crowd behind them. That's right. I remember. I was ambushed. Both of them looked like they were in pain and asked him to stop this. Or something of that line. Their voices were too faint, that I could barely hear anything.
He pulled my face towards his gaze and started speaking in a voice that everyone could hear.
"To think that you'd transfer here of all places, kiss my woman and 'cause a rampage right under my nose. You really are something Naofumi!"
Yuki-nee's boyfriend. But more than that he's someone I know very well. To think he'd be here. What were the odds?
"After how things transpired and how your mom saved your arse, I was certain that you stuck your tail in between your legs and ran away far from our grasp. But..."
There was a sinister smile on his face. I know that all too well.
"Now that you're here, I'm really happy. Truly happy! I'm thankful to the gods for hearing out my prayers for the past year. The urge to pass judgment and finally kill you with my own hands, it's finally here! Hahaha..."
Everyone there stood in silence after hearing his declaration. That's right! Only I knew this side of his?
"HINA! DO YOU REMEMBER HER?"
Ahh! That name. I never thought I'd hear it again. How long has it been?
"Don't bother answering. You came into our lives, and we treated you like family. But in the end, you burnt my family down to the grounds and ruined us!"
So this is what it feels like! When your deepest, darkest secrets are let out, and you're so helpless that you can only listen to them, it's liberating! I am finally being freed from these shackles.
"And if that wasn't enough, you almost killed my best friend, all because he confronted you! Confronted you for the fact that..."
Yes! Free me! Free me from chains!
And at that very moment, something pierced me. I looked down, and the sight was amusing. I was stabbed with a knife. I looked at Yuki-nee and Miku, and I could spot Sakura behind them. They were shaken and frozen and in their place, with their faces filled with horror, and that's the last sight I would ever look at. I was certain that those were my last moments.
I remembered Hina very well. Every single day, I remembered her. Because...
"NAOFUMI! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO RAPED MY SISTER AND DESTROYED HER!"
I could feel something shatter inside me. I looked at the sky with my eyes widely open. I was finally free.
"I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!"
Breathing faintly...
"HINA...!"
...