HINA SATORI!
MY GIRLFRIEND!
Man, it still feels weird to think that I have a girlfriend. And not just anyone, but her of all people. We have not disclosed this to anyone, but knowing Saishi, I'm pretty sure he's being considerate by keeping this to himself. When did this happen? How did this happen? Who pulled the trigger first? I'm sure everyone would be curious. But truth be told, even I don't have a single clue about this. Neither does she. To be honest, we are in a weird place where we are more than classmates or friends, but I wouldn't say we are dating. By the time we realized, we were already close, and I don't think there was any point in a confession. But I think that's what puts us in this weird dimension. It's hard, to be honest with these kinds of feelings. And that's the reason we are taking things slowly.
"It's Wednesday today. Why couldn't you just ask me on Friday? I would have fewer reasons to decline your invitation."
She was upset with that reply and pinched my stomach.
"Ow! That hurts!"
"I couldn't hold it back! I wanted to ask you as soon as possible. Also..."
"Also?"
"I thought if I were to delay this invitation and wait for the right moment, Saishi would ask you to tag along with him, in search of girls."
She had a bashful aura when she said that, even if I clearly couldn't see her.
"Oh, that! We just go on bird watching. That's it. There's nothing so important about it, though I would say that lately, I'm getting the hang of it."
"Huh?!"
Oops! I slipped up. Looks like I'm going to meet my end.
"Uhm...I mean...Nevermind! I stand by with what I just said."
"Nao..."
She started throwing her hands around me, in order to land a few punches. Wait, she's trying to scratch me now. Oi, you're not a cat! Stop it! Though, the idea of Hina as a catgirl was too stimulating.
"Hmph! Fine, whatever! I see that this is just a hobby for you. I won't bother you anymore. Bye!"
Looks like I've done it!
"Hey, wait!"
I grabbed her hand as she was about to open the locker and pulled her close to me. Phew! What was this girl thinking? I'd be dead without her by my side at this point. I mean literally. 'A Peasant Stalker!'. That's a possibility looming around the corner. But more importantly...
"What am I to you?"
"Huh?"
"What are we?"
"That's, uhh..."
There was a momentary pause. I let that silence do the talking.
"See. When we are in this situation, then what can I do?"
"I could ask you the same thing!"
She was not backing down. Looks like I'm going to have a fight. Time to deliver the smackdown! Or so I thought. But her confused face was so close to me. Argh! If there's inequality...It's right here. This cuteness, it's injustice for the boys. How am I supposed to have a proper conversation? Uhum!...
"Ask me what?"
"What am I to you?"
"PRINCESS!"
She was dumbfounded when she heard that, and her grip somewhat tightened around me.
"PRINCESS?"
"Let me be clear. Yes, you're a princess from a high society who has to live up to a lot of expectations. And must be the queen everyone wishes for someday. And maybe, just maybe, make everyone envy and resent the king who, someday will take your hand, and make you his queen."
"And what...what about you?"
I could notice the hesitation in her voice as if she was expecting something.
"Let's just say, I'm just a normal bloke with issues, a lot of issues. Plus, I'm trying to gain some power and influence. And if history has taught us anything, it doesn't end well for people of that kind. If we were to take chess into account, I'd say I'm a sacrificial pawn. If all goes well, I can be promoted to the power of a queen, else I'd be dead. Works for me either way. I mean I have to deal with it, irrespective of what I truly want."
She let go of her grip around me. Good! Now I can breathe peacefully.
"Nao, even you..."
I could hear her dejected tone. I could more or less figure out the root cause for it to turn out like that. It was the way I held her. I held her on top of a pedestal. I'm looking at her like she's someone who's not within my reach. She's in a league of her own. That's how those words I had emphasized had played out.
But one can only wonder? Does that person want to be always on top of a podium? Does that person always want to be the center of attraction? Does that person have to live up to everyone's expectations? Is that the cost he/she has to pay for being the heir to a wealthy family? They were questions, that sometimes, should be left unanswered. That's for the best. Why? Because everything comes at a price. And it was clearly evident from her response, that she didn't like that. She didn't want to be special. She wished to be normal, even if it was only to one person. I do understand that part, but I wonder if that person is me?
We don't realize it but, people from the upper class always have something to live up to. That's how it is for them. And in some cases, might not be all, there are some individuals who wish to be treated as a normal person and not like a star. And the opposite holds true for people in the working class or lower. They aspire to be better than who they are now and want to be standing at the top of a podium. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, there's nothing right or wrong. Each person has their own views and feelings.
*Everyone wishes to be understood.
Everyone wants to be loved.
To you, who hates yourself and your own existence.
You, maybe the salvation to someone else's life.
To you, who feels that you're the pathetic person to exist and feel better off to be dead.
You may well as be the best meaning to someone's and the best choice someone has ever made.
To you, who feels burdened with that smile, since you truly can't understand its legitimacy
That may well as be warmth for someone else'
'Cause
"A BROKEN HEART JUST NEEDS A REASON TO BEAT"*
AND EVERY ONE OF US...HAS A BROKEN HEART!