(THE FAULT IN THE STARS)
'DON'T worry, just trust me.'
Saying those words like a promise and a conviction to be taken seriously and forever. My life changes ever since the day that I met her.
Now, as I am leaning on the wall of the place, we call back then as our sanctuary, I took another bottle reading the words she wrote in her diary.
MARCH 2008
TODAY'S MY THIRD DAY AT THE ORPHANAGE, EVERYONE IS GOOD AT ME AS EVERYONE IS TRYING TO REACH OUT, BUT I COULDN'T I JUST CAN'T. FOR ME TO TRUST AND BEEN BROKEN BECAUSE OF THAT, MY PROMISE TO NOT TRUST ANYONE, BUT MYSELF IS THE DYING WISH MY FATHER WARN TO ME ABOUT, YET, THERE IS ONE PARTICULAR PERSON I WANTED TO BE.
I close my eyes once more and drawing a smile as her words brought me back to those days and the time of that fifteen years like I am hearing myself calling her out from that one particular day.
"I know that you are hiding behind the tree."
Laughing in silence, pretending for a while that I did not notice her presence, I call out for her.
"I already notice you the second you arrive and tried to hide. You can come out now, don't worry, I won't bite."
I tease while plowing alone in the field as the rest went back to take a rest. Amuse and giggling to see her timid self-hesitating to come out, I draw one big smile into my face as I face her direction catching her eyes looking back at me before hiding once more as she notices.
"Don't worry, I am the only one here right now you can come out. You trust me, right?"
Somehow saying the magic words like she is a genie in a bottle, she slowly peeks out from her hiding spot behind the tree. Catching her gaze once more as I draw another big smile, she once more hides. Giggling at the fragile little girl everyone calls her for being timid and quiet, yet I find it too cute to handle. My self-conscious heart somehow wanted to get near her close self and not just because I was the one who saves her that day but to be someone she can fully trust and finally gave her a smile where she once did three days ago.
"If you wouldn't come out, then I will go to where you are now instead."
Teasing her, I laugh in silence, thinking that behind her untrusting nature is an innocent and cute little girl hiding inside and trying her best to trust someone, as I am proud and happy to be the one, she chooses.
"I will count until three, so you better come out."
I shouted, making sure that she hears my steps loud enough as I tried to lure her out in her hiding spot.
Looking back as I remember the night when I save her and take her here to the orphanage three days ago, she is still the mystery all through and through. The trauma that she went through from the visible bruises and shivering body she got then leaves everyone to distance themselves, as Miss Sophia explains, making us understand. Up until now, as I notice her somehow flight and flight attempt to call out for me that I find honoring thinking that I am a candidate that she considers to trust, and perhaps because I was the one who saves her that day.
"Here it goes, one," I started to count, teasing her more than I always did twenty-four-seven whenever I got the time to spare and a chance to be near her for that past few days.
For I wanted to be near her, know her, and become someone she can have more than a companion, but a friend.
"After I count to three, and still you will not come out, I will chase you even from the ends of the rain forest." Drawing the last straw that shows from her panic movement in the shadow, I laugh taking a slow small step counting.
Picturing her long black wavy hair, grey eyes, and pale skin, I hardly could imagine the hardship she went through in the hands of those men who chase after her. The traumatic incident she had made me promise myself that I will make her forget everything and be the knight that will protect her.
"Two," I counted, and almost from the final count of three, I sneak behind as I plan to startle her when she immediately comes out from her hiding spot. Head down as she reaches out, holding a red small bag in her hand.
"It's... it's," startling as she tries to avoid eye contact while she tries to process her words, I ask innocently and pretending that I did not notice the sweet scent that lingers from the bag she's holding.
"Is that for me?" I ask, as she slowly nodded giving it to me.
Taking the bag and opening it, different colors of the sweet candy surprises me. Taking the distinct red-color one as I eat it, her anticipating expression makes me smile as I compliment, "It's delicious, thank," stopping with my words of thanks as I am stunned in place when for the first time after days, she finally smiled.
Looking at her genuine and beautiful smile that the brightest full moon in the night paving the silhouette of the rainbow inside the rain forest is not even enough to compare. My world suddenly stops as my heart beats fast and my mind is somewhat floating on the calm waves of the sea. I can tell her smile bewitched me somehow.
"For the past days I wanted to give that to you and say my thanks for saving my life, yet I was just too,"
Stopping as somehow, she could not find a word to say, her eyes met mine as my knees somewhat wanted to give in, but I restrain myself to.
"I just wanted to say, thank you so much!"
Bowing with thanks as a courtesy, I finally was able to snap out from my deep gaze as I smile in return while trying to calm my wildly beating heart.
Clearing my throat, I proudly told her, "Of course, any knight will do the same for a beautiful princess."
Making her giggle with those words, I found the fulfillment and regret of dwelling myself in the loop, that from the back of my mind it's telling me that I will be suffering in the future.
"Let's just say I came in the right place and time. So, if this not too much to ask of you, will you be as can I be your friend?" Slowly reaching my hand out, I smile introducing myself, "My name's,"
Though doubts still linger in her eyes as I look at her, and trust is still the word she could not find to take, I gave her my warmest smile with my heart telling her that I will never let her down.
"My name's Rafael, and you are?"
To the girl that I saved in that day, the lone cub that's shivering in coldness and fear, the life she once had and the life she probably misses, I nod, telling by the eyes that she is not alone anymore and she will never be. That in this place, she is safe as I will protect her.
"Don't worry, you are safe in here as I promise, that I will protect you no matter what."
Maybe I should not have given that promise to her, as I should not have promised anything in return. But to the innocent young days of ours and that past, as I could only think about and look at her like my world is somewhat centered for her. That promise is enough that gave both of us the hope and want we never had before.
"I..."
She hesitates with the doubts and reason she cannot say, I smile once more like I somehow read her thoughts and wants as I call out.
"I understand, but I should somewhat be able to call you by a name, right?"
Looking back at me with the mix of wonder and a bit of excitement, I giggle, amused by her reaction as a voice from afar, yet near blows the name I knew, but I could not remember who. With it, and like an instant magical snap, I call out the name,
"What about I call you Miyu, which means a girl found in the forest?"
Miyu, the name that suddenly hit me like it was the most familiar name I knew even in my unknown or forgotten past as it somehow twinkles her interest smiling as she nods with excitement.
Calling her in that name with the assurance that everything will be alright, I nodded proudly and unto myself as I name her, "From now on, you are Miyu."
"Hmmm!" humming with her utmost agreement and now smiling even greater than before, I nod taking it once more from the top.
"Let's do this again. I'm Rafael nice to meet you, and you are?"
"Miyu, my name's Miyu, nice to meet you too, Rafael."
Gazing with the assurance that pictured within her eyes, her innocent and young heart finally smiled as she took my hand, breaking the ice inside and trust someone who was,
"RAFAEL."
Whispering the name that I finally remember now, the identity that I own and the same one she gave brings back everything, of the happiness and sadness, love and pain from all the longing it gave and hope that it faded. Holding the entries of our hidden time capsule diaries, I read the ones she wrote. Flipping the papers backdates the time like a picture-perfect show into my head as everything somewhat flips back from those times.
PUZZLING IT MAY BE AS OUR WORLD MEET IN THAT TIME AND EVERYTHING FALLS IN THAT INSTANT OF LIKE A FANTASY TO CALL, I NAMED HER AS I SOMEHOW KNEW HER FROM LONG AGO, BUT FORGET, I CALLED HER AS I SCREAMED THAT NAME LIKE WHAT SHE DID DURING OUR FIRST AND SECOND LIFE.