Sohan. A sweet utterance, as sweet as the wind that once blew through the curtains in Von's room. A sweet memory, followed by a bitter ending. And that name, so tempting, so terrifying, echoed in his mind in his own dreams. Von rolled between the sheets, remembering a past so glorious and so disturbing.
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-Are you going to tell me you like living in this filth?- The light brown-haired boy said with a sinister smile on his lips, laughing at his own misfortune. - If only I could marry a rich woman...-
- Don't talk nonsense. - A younger Von laughed. - Who would want you?-
- Hah, I'm a terror among whores, Von! - His smile had become amused.
- Only among whores. Have you ever seen a rich whore, you idiot? - He sneered at what appeared to be his friend.
-Oh... I've seen it. But she's disowned. - He crossed his arms.
- You're so smart, Sohan. -
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- Sohan, what the hell is this? - Von shouted as he nimbly pulled the dagger out of his pants. He ran to the boy who was being thrown against the wall by two men, and stabbed one of them in the back. He fell over, and Von threw him onto the other man, thrusting the dagger quickly into his heart. Sohan lay on the ground breathing uncontrollably. The sunlight illuminated his hair, giving it a light shade of blond. His amber eyes looked like pure honey. His once red face was returning to its normal color. Von held out his hand.
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- You're drifting away. - Sohan said, leaning against the door. - Lucy just going to make you lose your head. -
- Lucy has her faults, but I'm not being led astray! - Von spoke in complete darkness, lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling.
- Do you love her, Von? - Sohan laughed sarcastically. - Have we ever had such an opportunity? Have we ever?
-No.-
- Yeah, there's a lot of money at stake, Von. - He brought his fangs into a sadistic grin. - I don't want to lose everything because of some obsessive girl. This is our golden opportunity. -
- If you want to get rid of Lucy so badly, why don't you just kill her? - Von said snidely.
-I'd love to, Von. I'd love to. - Having said this, he left the room.
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The blood on his hands was not something unusual, but inside his being, something that could not show on his face, was his desolation. It wasn't just blood, it was Lucy's blood. That little girl who had given him her life, who had knelt down and licked his floor. And looking into the emptiness that was her soul, Von saw inside, her thirst for revenge on all those she hated. He saw reflected in the puddle that Lucy's blood had made, not only his disgrace, but he had also seen his end there. After quickly cutting the girl's throat, Von calmly took the dagger he had used to cut Lucy and slowly passed the cold blade across his own throat, and no blood came out. He closed his eyes and felt himself being embraced by the wind of death, opened his eyes, and saw him. The moment they looked at each other, they both knew that fate had reserved that moment only for the two of them. And facing each other, they saw years and years of friendship being thrown away. The hungry and at the same time desolate eyes looked at each other with such intensity, as if each blink was a lost battle. Both knew what awaited them, and the only way out was death. Nothing else.
And as he plunged his dagger into Sohan's heart, Von heard the words whispered by his companion of many years: -I didn't want to kill Lucy out of respect for the one who saved my life many times. - Sohan smiled sadly as blood trickled from his lips. - I knew it would all end in blood, but if it is to die at someone's hand, let it be yours. -
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A scream woke Sophie in a jolt. She stood up bewildered, trying to recognize the voice. When she realized it wasn't her father, she ran to the only room she could imagine the scream coming from. The door was closed, she didn't knock and just walked through it with unnecessary desperation. What she saw left her body paralyzed for a few seconds, the time needed for that image to register in her mind.
- V...Von? - she whispered softly. His pupils were dilated, he felt the sweat dripping down his icy hands, and his breathing was slow.
From the window outside, the moon was almost hidden by the relentlessly falling snow. The moonlight reflected off Von's face and that was the only thing Sophie saw. She had never seen his face so sad, so ruined. And in that moment she realized that she had to be there. She leaned lightly against the door and felt the gaze on her. She bowed her head and, like a loving mother, walked over to Von's bed and looked at him.
Sophie looked at Von as she had never looked at him in her life, a mixture of pity and affection. Those brown eyes reflected pure loneliness, they were the eyes of dying old men or starving children. A look that filled his soul, and reached deep into what they called the heart. That look had ached every molecule of her being, and in one swift movement, she hugged his head, wanting to rip away all that pain she didn't know existed.
Von didn't know how long he watched the red strands moving with Sophie's breathing. Her memories hit him like a stone full of truth, of which he was not yet willing to accept. Sohan was everything that would always be trapped within himself, within a black and dark abyss.
- So... - he whispered between the red threads. Von came out of his own prison with the whispered words. - So... - He couldn't go on. What was in his mind was not Sophie, but he simply could not speak the truth.
- Sohan. - She said as she touched her lips to Von's brown hair. Her fingers moved through his hair slowly because of the cold, and because of the intense caress Sophie was applying.
- Sophie. - He lifted his head and looked at her.
- I am here. - She touched her forehead to his and closed her eyes, trying to calm him.
Von smelled the faint aroma coming from Sophie, and in a few seconds all the anguish, all the things that were stuck in his throat, seemed to dissolve. All those memories, and all that regret, it seemed that Sophie was sucking all her pain into her. It was as if she was draining everything that was impure within her body and giving it energy. The delicacy with which her cold fingers moved through his hair made him fall into a sweet sleep, a sleep half worrying, half dominating.
And when Sophie let go of his hair, and looked into his eyes again, Von felt an enormous urge to protect her. Like it had never happened before. Not with children, old people, the sick, or women. It was Sophie and her energy. It was Sophie and her aura. Half angel, half demon, Sophie was that link which kept him connected to his own self. No disguises and no masks. No molds of society, and no pretensions.
Sophie touched his cheek softly, and Von drowned in the green sea. As he came to terms with reality, he felt the chill of his room, and watched Sophie go to her room. After a few brief seconds, Von no longer even knew if Sophie had ever been there. He slowly lost himself in thought, blending Sohan and Sophie into a pleasurable ache. When he came out of his numbness, he looked at the snow that continued to fall aggressively. He got up and walked to the room that was so well known to him. He didn't knock on the door, and didn't make much noise, just leaned against the door and looked at Sophie with the glare of a dog without an owner.
- Sleep with me. - He said in a good tone for her to hear. There was no malice in his tone, no ulterior motives, and nothing to make fun of there, Sophie understood perfectly well what was going on, and just followed him to his room.
That night there was no kissing, no caressing, and no moaning. That night there was only one caress that both Von and Sophie had thoroughly enjoyed. She stroked his hair until she heard his quiet sleepy breathing. And Sophie had felt no better, even though she wanted to deny it with all her might.
She understood Von's pain relatively well. Sophie didn't know what had happened between the two of them but she knew it was something that had scarred Von's soul. From what little she knew of the assassin she was sleeping with, she knew that there were few things he cared about and showed weakness for. In fact, until that night she had not seen Von weaken once. And as much as she had promised her pride that when she saw him weakening, she would throw it back in his face, she would not. Sophie had heard his cries and heard his pain. That boy who seemed to have marked Von's soul was important to her, if he was to stay.
- Not that today I don't care, but there are simply some things I prefer to ignore for the sake of my ego. And Sohan was my reflection. Like a shadow, reminding me more and more every day what I was like. He was younger than me, about three years. There were times when he looked like a girl, so thin he was, but I didn't blame him. His family couldn't afford him and had sold him into slavery to a rich merchant from the underworld, but he rebelled against the man and killed him. I walked by just as he was cutting his throat, and I saw stamped there, a bit of me, a bit of the world.-
Von paused and plunged his face into Sophie's hair, sighing heavily to ease his memories. After a few seconds, he lifted his head and looked Sophie in the eyes again.
- I understand the world. I know it's only a natural order. But, I understand it today. After many, many losses. At that time, I just wanted to see what it was like to live with someone else, I couldn't stand the loneliness anymore. Not that I knew what it was like to be lonely, but when I saw mothers and their offspring on the streets, I hated it. I would die of hatred, and I wouldn't hesitate to kill them both. That emptiness that corroded me during the cold nights was not by pure chance! It was because my family never wanted me. And there, seeing Sohan, I identified myself. And this equality between us, this thirst for what we didn't have, united us so much. But with the passing of the years, with the change of opinions, and with different experiences, our lines of thought diverged, like branches of a single tree. We felt what we felt, and the crucial point was Lucy. She made me break with all those paradigms, made me break with everything I believed in. And when Sohan told me that I was losing my way, I stopped to reflect and saw that I had reached a dead end. It was just a matter of doing what had to be done, and accepting the pain and regret that would follow. There were no solutions, and there was no turning back. It was at this moment that I realized that I had stopped being a simple brat. I faced the world. I killed Lucy, and soon after, on the way home, I fought Sohan as I had never fought anyone before. It was a matter of kill or be killed.At that point, there was no truce and no white flags, only one would make it out alive. But, Sohan was so lucky. How rewarding is death to those who embrace it? He is not here, he doesn't have to go through the suffering that I go through.-
After that story, Sophie was beginning to understand a little more about pain. While Von spoke, his large hands trembled and his face always changed expression.At that point, there was no truce and no white flags, only one would make it out alive. But, Sohan was so lucky. How rewarding is death to those who embrace it? He is not here, he doesn't have to go through the suffering that I go through.-
After that story, Sophie was beginning to understand a little more about pain. While Von spoke, her large hands trembled and her face always changed expression. One moment it was joyful, as if recalling a past where happiness existed if only for fractions of a second. Another time it was painful, as if she could not stand her own mistakes. There was not a word that had not been picked up and recorded in her mind, Sophie would remember that night forever. After all, Von had broken through the barrier she was so insistent on keeping, and the same was true for him.