Von stared into nothingness. His eyes were not fixed, they were just there, open, dilated. He felt emasculated. He felt like a loser. There was a word stuck in his throat, but lying at the foot of that door, he couldn't pronounce it. He couldn't even find a synonym for that damn word, or for that feeling.
He had closed the door. He wanted to leave her room. He wanted to kill her. He wanted to kill Sophie and then die. He wasn't sorry, yet. But he felt that soon that feeling would come. and Von would love to kill her.
It was a simple truth. The moment he possessed her, he saw clearly, the clear, grandiose submission. Oh no, it wasn't just hers. He felt emasculated. A slave. Maybe that was the word. Sex with Sophie took him over the edge, and he felt like killing her. Because he was the weak one. He couldn't help himself as he seduced her. He didn't feel like killing her because she was in love. He felt like killing her to make her eternal. Her and that moment.
Maybe it was official, he had become a sadist. Or even lost in the madness that his head was implanting in him. But one thing was true. The Iimite of desire and passion was no longer differentiated, it was just a hot drive inside him, struggling to be liberated. But Von was too weak to let it bloom.
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-Let's go to the mansion.- Von said, approaching Sophie with the letter in his hand. The green orbs stared into the dark of a corridor. I was lost in thought. - Sophie.-
- Hm.- she grunted, not caring.
- Who was he? - Von narrowed his eyes. - Niero? -
- Niero? - She looked at him immediately with wide eyes-That name isn't Cerminian.
- Yeah, but this guy was at the meeting. Krauser said he didn't want a scratch on him. -
- Niero. Niero. Niero! - She finally concluded, grabbed Von's arm and dragged him out of the palace.
Sophie was holding Von by the wrist, and the only thing he had done was to let himself be led by the red-haired assassin. As he looked at her after they left Krauser's office, Von remembered the cold contact of the door against his back that night. Deep in his soul, he was beginning to like her. No doubt he liked to be guided like this, to leave his feet free for someone to show him the way, it was a simple way of showing that someone cared about his useless existence. He liked to learn from her. He liked to see her react in front of some obstacles. He admired her in secret, and he hated it. One minute he wanted to kill her. Another time, he followed her as if his life depended on it. He put it into his head that this was just sex, and that his desire was well satiated. But why did he feel heat just from that touch? She was just touching his fist.
- Sophie, weren't we going to the mansion? - Von wanted to push his thoughts away. He recognized the place where they were standing as the old and well-known Cermina center. And filthy too.
- Yes, but I need to go to a bar. - She answered him anxiously. It wasn't possible that this guy had left her like this, was it?
-A bar at three o'clock in the afternoon? - He tried to relax and find out what they were doing there.
- I need some information.- She released him and stared at him.She stared at him for a few seconds, but Von knew she wasn't there. - Did you bring money? -
- How much is this information? - Von laughed debauchily. - You know, I'm poor, right?-
- You were poor.- Von laughed. - If be a man... - Sophie thought aloud, looking up at the sky that was beginning to close in. It had to be a man. Otherwise it would be Von.
- Are you going to fuck him for information? - He tried to complete her and thus brought her out of her reverie.
- "To Fuck"?! What do you think I am? - Sophie grabbed the collar of his blouse and stepped closer.
- I don't know. You tell me. - A fake smile broke out on his lips and she recognized him. She let go and kept walking.
This was the thing Sophie hated most. Both Von and her father knew her weak point. However, Von told him as if he didn't know, and as incredible as it seemed, Sophie didn't want to hurt him by throwing her own memories in his face.
When they arrived at the bar, Sophie asked Von to stay away from her. She could charm the man, but not sleep with him. And if Von were standing next to her... Well, she wanted him to be.
She sat down at a table lit by a dim light. At his side was a man who was larger than the average Cerminian, his black beard was long and smooth, and his black hair was short. She could see the white hair growing. Sophie knew it was him. It had to be him. She charmed him a little and he was easily fooled.
Men like that were a disgrace the nation, but she was thankful they existed. Inside she knew that Information was near. She ordered shots of some drinks she didn't even know the name of. Her laughter left her mouth of its own accord with every word that man spoke. She laughed as if her victory was near. But she was, she would not deny it.
-The woman is really very beautiful. - The man behind the counter told Von that he looked at Sophie every five minutes. The assassin didn't understand.
- What did you say?-
- I said that the woman you are looking at is very beautiful.- The man was thin and his gray hair showed his age. Von laughed, recognizing that usual pose.
- Really, in all the places she could go, she brings me right here.- Von said quietly to himself. He looked at the man leaning against the shelf full of drink behind him. - Long time no see, Pérso...-
- I thought you were dead, kid.- Von forced a laugh as he sipped his whiskey. - But then they told me that you now work for the High Command. I was upset. - The man's brown eyes stared at him with a venomous glint - Is that true?
-Why wouldn't it be? - He put the glass with only ice on the wooden table and took the cigarette from the ashtray. -I went to play, and they hit me in the back. -
-You mean you begged for your life?- Perso laughed out loud. The laughing mouth with no teeth was an unpleasant sight for Von.
- I would never do that. - He took a drag on his cigarette in silence - It seemed like the opposite. -
- The opposite? - He continued to laugh. -Don't lie, boy. We men are ashamed to admit it when we beg for our lives. -
- I'm not ashamed.- He said, blowing smoke in the man's direction. -General Chasseur wanted me as a soldier. I couldn't deny it. -
- Is the pay good? - Von didn't know what he was laughing about. He looked around to see if he was being watched, but no one was paying attention to his conversation.
-Why do you want to know?
- No offense, kid, but most of us here are not as lucky as you are... So, walking around here can be a little dangerous. -
- Lucky? - It was Von's turn to laugh bitterly - Most of these murderers and mercenaries haven't been through a third of what I have. -
He looked one last time at Sophie. There was a slight irritation at seeing her smile in that vulgar way. And there was also a slight drunkenness in his veins. He was the one who was going to buy the drinks. His. Both of them. Those two vermin deserved each other. Sophie was acting like a whore. But Sophie became his salvation the moment she looked at him and sighed "pay". He wanted to attack the glass cup on her.
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- Did you get what you wanted? - Von asked her when they were out of the bar and walking to the mansion.
- It's a Dendalian name. - She said with a silly smile on her lips.
- And what else? - He waited for an answer. And it was the most disappointing.
- That's all I wanted to know! - Sophie said in the voice of someone who was discovering the world.
- You made me spend 200 rubles for this? - Anger shone through the brown orbs. - You're drunk, Sophie. Let's go to the mansion.-
- Von, but I... -
- Enough!- Anger turned into something Sophie thought was indifference. But it wasn't. Von was angry. The tone of voice he had used was identical to that of her father. When she realized this, her smile died.
- I had to know. - She tried to say something clever, or just enough not to be labeled an idiot.
- Know about what? The origin of a name? - Von let his frustration show. Sophie was wrong. That was not going, much less indifference. He was frustrated.
- Of course! It's a Dendalian, OK?
- If you want to go out drinking, take your fucking money and go alone. -
-Are you jealous? - Sophie stopped and touched his shoulder for him to look at her. She regretted it the next second when brown crossed green by milliseconds. Von kept walking with his hands in his pants pockets, ignoring her. - Answer when someone asks you something! -
That provoked him. Who did Sophie think she was to talk down to him in that voice?
-Unlike you, I didn't have a mother to teach me. I decide my right and my wrong. And I decide whether I want to answer you or not. -
- You just admitted it! - Von laughed. She was drunk.
- If you think that makes you better, just give me my money back afterwards. -
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Knocks were heard by Sophie. The moment she heard them, she realized that she had fallen asleep. She was in her room, but not in her bed. That's when she lifted her head and looked with difficulty at her reflection in the mirror in front of her. Her throat was dry. The knocking didn't continue and Sophie looked at the door to make sure it wasn't a hallucination. She jumped in her chair and almost fell over when she saw Von, leaning against the open door, staring at her. She couldn't see his face, his hair was already long and his lightless room prevented her from seeing him. Her heartbeat quickened. Less than a day ago they were both in the same room, in the same bed next to each other, enjoying the luxury each could provide the other. Sophie could still feel those cold fingers on her body, squeezing her skin. She heard that voice whispering her name. A shiver ran through her body at the memory. But Von's lips were completely opposite to that arrogance. If Von was arrogant in almost everything, his kisses would be too. But they weren't and Sophie knew it. They were warm, thirsty, as if he needed her.
- How long are you going to stare at me? - He said in a good tone. She could only see his silhouette. The light coming from the hallway only contributed to Von being seen as a shadow. And he was.
- I can't see you.- Sophie whispered in a sly voice. If Von had been a little more flexible, he would have let those words enter his mind at that moment and done some damage. But he didn't. He knew what would happen.
- Turn on the light. - Without further ado, he turned it on himself, realizing that she would not move. Sophie's vision darkened with the light, and then she recovered.
Von could see her better. He laughed softly as he realized that she had slept on the desk. The sleepy face softened him a little. It was the same face he hadn't wanted to see when that day dawned.
- Go change, if you go in those clothes, you'll be cold. -
-Go where? - She slouched down and looked at the fine knit she was wearing.
-We have a meeting, Sophie. -
- Meeting? - Sophie tried to think. Her head was slowly starting to hurt. The last thing she remembered was arriving home accompanied by Von. Sophie smiled at the memory. For someone who hours before had treated her like a common slut, he was actually caring quite a bit.
- To decide how we're going to get on the ship.- he rolled his eyes, irritated by Sophie's sluggishness. - Didn't your father warn you? Liz called at Tye's request. I didn't think Krauser would get us across the continent in the middle of winter. I was wrong.-
- Expect everything from Krauser. - She answered him by getting up and opening her wardrobe, taking out a leather jacket and putting it on.
- No shower? - He laughed. -You look hung-over. -
- Heh, aren't we late? - She said dismissively as she tied her hair into a high ponytail.
- On time. -
- I don't want to be late again. -
- You were the one who was late that hour when you started talking. - Sophie ignored him. That harmony had surprised her, and in a strange way, comforted her. She didn't want to spoil the mood.
- Do you have a scarf? - she spoke randomly. -Von couldn't hold back his laughter.
- Don't you? - He answered, foreseeing her actions.
- I'll get one from your room. - She had completely avoided anything Von might say. She walked calmly past him and into that room.
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Sophie opened a wardrobe just like hers. Their rooms were very similar, Von had the same life as her. She laughed at her thoughts. He was marked by everything he had lived. And by everything he hadn't lived as well. Their lives were different, but they crossed paths for the same mercenary reasons. Who was to say that so-called immoral, cruel ties did not form emotional bonds? Despite everything that happened, she felt connected to him somehow and even before the last night. But if she had felt this way before, when the day dawned she felt that the hole between them had grown bigger. She kept telling herself that she was surprised at the relaxed attitude Von had taken. But she knew that it would soon pass.
The smell of cigarettes hit her as she opened the doors. That smell entered her nostrils and gave her goose bumps from head to toe. Sophie remembered when she had followed him to the hovel he had lived in before. She smiled. That house emanated cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Sophie noticed that ever since Von had arrived, she couldn't tear herself away from him.He had been the break from monotony. It was rare that she now returned to the solitude she was so accustomed to. Maybe that was a reason to be in love.
He touched his dark clothes. The shade was similar to the one in her wardrobe. She didn't understand the feeling that was locked in her chest. It was enough that he sounded without arrogance and without gentleness for her to want to scream. But it was stuck in her throat. She stared at her clothes. She wanted to lock herself in that closet and inhale that smell until the blood that coursed through her veins was mixed with it. It was like an addiction. She felt like an addict. And she needed that slightly numbing smell.
She looked under the hangers and found a gray cloth that had been thrown away anyway. She recognized that act. Slowly, she was beginning to decipher it. She wrapped the soft cloth around her neck. She turned with a smile on her face, but it was lost in the moment she saw her father standing in the doorway.
- How long have you been there? -
-Not long, Sophie. - The general wore an enigmatic smile on his lips. -You're going to be late. -
- Why didn't you tell me? -
- I thought you might like Von to warn you. - His voice was unrecognizable. Norgard knew how not to be deciphered.
- Thanks anyway.- She feigned politeness in order to dodge him again. She walked out the door, showing indifference to what Norgard was saying. But that would echo later. Von was waiting for her less than a meter from where they were standing. She had completely forgotten about the letter.