Diako PV
To say supper last night was a success would be a barefaced lie. Well it was until I ruined it for everyone. Gosh I'm so selfish. I always seem to destroy everything I come across.
At least one good thing happened though. Jules and her bipolar son really enjoyed my aunt's homemade swirl raisin loaf. Conway is so unpredictable.
He most definitely has some sort of personality disorder. Like seriously, one minute he's helping me and being all sweet. And the next he's scolding me and yelling at me. And the other he completely ignores me.
I still don't know what teed him off but I never asked him to save me from the fall. He refused to acknowledge my presence at the dinning table last night. He must be driven by a ferocious force.
Okay I might have exaggerated a little there.
He's not all that bad though. Well he seemed to enjoy talking to my aunt and his mom. He can converse without making any snide remarks. But I think that's only in his mom's presence because he's a complete momma's boy.
Beginning of memory
I wipe away my tears when I get to the living room. I head to dinning room and sit next to Jules after they call me in. I'm so confused right now.
Where did he even come from?
I mean he might have stopped me from banging my head but that doesn't give him the right to talk to me like he did.
Who does he think he is? Manic oaf. Ugh I hate him!
"Cony boy, dinner is ready!", Jules' loud voice pulls me out of my train of thoughts.
"Mom! I told you to stop calling me that.", he whines from the other room.
The jerk walks in with a blank face and greets my aunt. He takes a sit from across me as he goes through his phone. The dining area suddenly seems too small.
"Conway, aren't you going to greet Didi?", Jules asks sternly. The devil doesn't even look up from his phone as he tells her we already saw each other today.
"Wow this is amazing, Boity. May I have another slice, please.", he's a sucker for my aunt's cooking, apparently.
"Now that's a first, you're always so faddy about your food."
"Please, help yourself Cony boy.", my aunt says and Conway's face drops. The two ladies just love goading him.
Throughout this whole time at the table, I feel left out, like the odd one out. They have been making jokes the entire night and laughing so much. Jules has attempted to engage in a conversation with me but I had managed to steer it away from me each time.
The jerk laughs so hard he has to clutch his side while Jules' eyes well up with tears of laughter. It hurts that I can't join in on their delight but what can I say? I don't deserve happiness. Murderers don't deserve a good life.
This is how Gogo and I used to be, happy and carefree. I reminisce .I have been confident and outspoken once. It all changed after Gogo's death. She was the best grandma one could ever ask for.
She used to tell me to stand up for myself and to speak my mind. She also used to give me a good hiding for crying when others picked on me.
"Skin color mustn't define you but your action and soul should.", she would say. I remember it vividly like it was yesterday.
I live in a country where race doesn't matter. South Africa is a glamorous country, with eleven official languages, various races. There are all sort of people here so your skin color does not really matter. Everybody minds their own business.
My town is mainly occupied by Sothos, Xhosas, Whites and Coloreds. Gogo was a modern Xhosa woman. Classy, tall and elegant. I was a younger version of her once upon a time.
She was all that was left that kept Tata's (father in Xhosa) memory alive. They all just left me alone, to be lost in this lamentable world. Maybe I'm meant to thole in life, all on my own.
Not even my own mother wants me she just gave me up to her little sister so she could explore the world. I'm a burden to everyone except the one I murdered.
No one knows the real cause of Gogo's heart attack that horrible night. It still haunts my dreams to this day. Only I know what caused the attack.
"You killed her. You've got no one to blame but yourself. Murderer!"
My subconscious mercilessly reminds me. I feel like I'm drowning, I can't breathe, it feels like I'm suffocating.
"Didi, sweetie are you okay? Boity do something she's trembling!"
"She's hyperventilating, Diako my baby, look at me. Keep your eyes on me baby. Breathe!", I try looking at aunt Boity and start counting to ten with her. I look up and see three pairs of concerned eyes.
Conway hands me a glass of water but I run past him, panicking as I bolt out of the house. I run as fast as my legs can carry me. I cross the street almost getting hit by a car in the process.
When I reach home I, lock myself in my room, and hide under the sheets not even bothering with feeding Lulu.
"Diako, my baby what's going on?", I hear aunt Boity ask from the other side of the door.
"Please just go away!" I hear my crack.
End of memory
A tap on my bedroom door makes me jump, pulling me out of my trance. I have been cooped up in my bedroom since last night. I wonder what the time is.
"Listen aunt Bee I'm so so-", I begin to apologize as I open the the door. Words fail me when I see who's standing on the other side of the door.
"Hi peep squeak."
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