The night was cold and darker than I had expected it would be. I was on my way running an errand for my mum. The way to the shop was actually darker and stupid me I didn't carry any flashlight. I tried to avoid thinking about the dark since it was scary so I decided to think about the discussion I had with my mum that Saturday morning.
She was mad at me after realizing all the attitude I had was because of Dylan and she couldn't stop with her 'I knew' statement. Though the talk was helpful and they were right. I was way more important than him to myself. All I needed to do was remove my confidence that I had fixed in him, in our relationship and retrieve it back and be a woman that I am. I knew I had placed my self-esteem in him and I had to pluck it out and bring myself back. The real Daisy, the happy, joyful, down to earth Daisy. I knew in words it was easy but putting those words in action was just the opposite.
In no time I was at the shop. I bought what I was sent and started my way back. I walked passed few house and the rest of the way was bare land filled with grasses and cactus. As I walked trying to calm myself through the dark, I felt a strong large hand cover my mouth and my heart leaped and started beating rapidly. The hand was stronger and I couldn't even raise my jaw to speak. The next thing I was down on the grassy land. "You think you can play tricks with me, you are mine." A male voice whispered into my ears. At that moment I couldn't think of what to do. The next thing I was down laid on the grass.
I finally saw the face of the man. I stretched my hand to try and get a stone to hit him on his head but there was none. His masculine body laid on top of me and I felt him slip his trousers off. I tried to move myself but he was much stronger. He raised my dress up and I felt his hand touch my sensitive skin. Tears flowed from my eyes and I was completely helpless.
He slid his genitals into me and I felt every pain as he moved in and out. This was worse than a night mare. I watched helplessly as he violated me and his strong hand was still on my mouth all along. I stayed silent and stared at the stars as tears rolled down to the sides of my eyes.
He was finally done and he stood up to belt his trouser. I didn't bother screaming he was already done. "Never thought you were this sweet." He said then laughed mischievously. "Sweeter than I expected." He added sarcasm to his voice. My jaw clenched and I rose up when he left. I wiped the grass off my dress and noticed the blood on the ground. 'So this is how I loose my virginity.' My mind echoed and tears flowed down my eyes. I sat on the ground first and wiped bitterly. I had to think of what to do next. Should I tell or just be silent. I thought of both scenarios. Telling my mum will make them take me to the hospital, I'll get treated for any illness he might have transmitted to me. Then I'll be safe yes. He'll be taken to jail for raping me then, what..... I'll always walk and people point fingers at me calling me 'that raped girl' then I'll have to deal with the stigma then get into depression.
Being silent will kill me, drive me to depression and I'll not get treatment for transmitted diseases, but people out there will treat me like a normal human being. No one will point fingers calling me that raped girl. I decided to make a choice then.
I got up and headed home. I passed through the back door to avoid questions of why I'm bloody. Thank God no one was at the kitchen so I rushed straight to the bathroom.
"Daisy?" I heard my mum's voice call a minute later. "Yes mum."
"Did you get me what I asked you to get."
"Yes mum, I placed it on the counter in the kitchen, I just had to take a shower before we eat." I lied.
"And you just walked in silently like a thief." I heard the sarcasm in her voice and I remained silent.
As the water dripped down my skin my thoughts drifted to the incident how he laid me down and raped me helplessly. He was smart to hold my mouth strong. I knew who did it, I knew him too well to be known but I had to tell someone about it atleast to get advice on what to do. I didn't realize I was crying untill I left the shower and headed to my room.
I hid my clothes safely to wash them later, maybe burn them everything was just disgusting me anyway. I couldn't keep on imagining him on me and everytime I did I just felt like puking. Putting the clothes on again would be worse. After dressing I took my phone and decided to call Dylan. He was the only one I could trust.
On the second beep he took his phone luckily. I just hoped he won't push me away not today please. "Hey." I said first noticing he was silent. A lady like laughter followed then a faint answer, "Hey." I took a deep breath then ignored the sharp pain in my heart caused by the laughter. 'He's having a good time with another woman as always..bad idea.' my brain couldn't just shut the fu** up.
"Are you okay?" He asked and tears rolled down rapidly. My head was heavy from crying the whole morning and this evening after the incident. I held my head with my palms and sighed. "Talk to me, I'm quite busy, I don't have all time!" His tone came out rude.
'Bad idea.' This time it felt like someone was whispering into my ears but it was my fucking brain. "Daisy!" He called and I panicked and hanged up. I took my pillow as always and screamed the hell out. I'm in this alone as always..I've always been alone ever since he left for campus. 'Grow up Daisy, let this be an eye opener.'
My phone beeped and I saw Dylan's name. He had texted me for the first time in history. I took my phone to check the message.
If you think I'm cheating on you again then keep on thinking. I'm hell tired of explaining. I was just checking out for my lady friend. We are close friends that's all.
I deleted his message immediately and deleted his number. I wish I could erase it from my mind completely. It was too late to let my mum I had already taken a shower and tampered with the evidence. I decided to go silent and handle this on my own. I can do this.
"Daisy dinner is on the table."