I didn't know my perspective on men had changed until that Monday morning as I walked into the elevator to head to class. A young guy about the same age as mine walked into the elevator and immediately the door closed I felt scared and nauseous being with him there. It was worse to an extent I felt someone holding my mouth and I was struggling to scream.
"Are you okay?" He asked drifting his head to look at me away from his phone. That's when I realized my eyes were closed and I was sweating hard.
The elevator stopped on the second floor and I walked out hurrying to the washrooms without giving an answer.
I walked in and closed the door behind me and breathed heavily. This was going to be a longer and tougher battle than I thought it would be.
I opened my eyes after my breath softened only to find a middle aged woman staring at me silently. Her clear green eyes shifted from me to the taps in the washrooms. She washed her hands then turned to look at me. "Are you okay?" The second time someone has asked me that question. 'God I'm not okay, I was raped and had an hallucination in the elevator and right now I'm scared out of my wits.'
"Yeah, I just had a running stomach." I went for that instead. "Sorry, I've been there before. Hurry and help yourself or you won't move an inch again." She says smiling. Thank God she bought that. I walked into one of the loos, keenly waiting for her to dry up her hands and leave. Finally she was out. I walked back to the mirror. I took a deep breathe washed my face. Thank God again I always carry a small petroleum jelly in my bag so I just applied a little on my face to make me look better since I washed all my make up away. I took my eyeliner and drew a simple line on the eye. I wasn't looking that bad.
I thought of what to do next before I go to class. I decided to never use the elevator again till I heal from the trauma. So I walked out of the washroom used the stairs to class. The lecturer was late.
Fidel was sitting at his usual spot and immediately I walked in his eyes shot to me and his smiled broadened. It seems he always looked forward to my presence in class. His company though was great and he was a humble rich guy, something funny, most rich guys I met were his complete opposite. "You look...." He posed then looked down at my brown dress and black open shoes. "Good." He said. I didn't expect that. One thing about me my dressing was always out of fashion. I sucked at dressing and I knew I did probably from my 'friends' who some of them said it openly in a kind way while others just laid it down as an insult. But as always a humble down to earth girl like me, you just let it slide.
"Thanks." I said sitting down and turning to face him as he was sited behind me. "Are you okay?" He asked and I just hoped he didn't really notice. "Yes." I lied and tears were at the verge of coming out. Is this how I'll be living. I turned to face the front avoiding eye contact. "Why are you turning the lecturer is not coming today, he left an assignment." He said softly and when I turned he had a 'hurt' look. "Sorry I saw someone moving I thought it was the lec." I said again lying.
"Here we can discuss the assignment if you want to. He gave each one a copy so you missed but we can share mine." He says smiling sweetly. He was so kind, his words came out perfect, like someone who cared and I was just drawn to him. 'He'll rape you!' my brain blurted and I moved back noticing he was moving near me with his pen.
"Sorry, if I made you uncomfortable I just wanted us to discuss that's all....I swear.... nothing more..." He stopped then moved back. "It's..it's okay, I just want to get my pen." I said and he smiled weakly. Why is he hurt by small actions like that. I thought.
"I'm not in the mood to discuss this paper we'll do it later." I said and mean it. "Fine, I'm not either but anytime you want to discuss just let me know. I'll be ready when you are." He said and I smiled and nodded. "So what do you want to talk about." He said feeling lively.
"The Valentine's." I said smiling. I need to get everything off my head and trust me Fidel was always the drug. He had lots of funny stories. A humble funny rich guy. I was more drawn at the thought of that.
"Oooh you guys taking me for Valentines." He said laughing.
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "I'm so excited, this is the first time I go for Valentines to make it better I'm taken out by well...my girls." A smirk appears on his face and I laugh. "What does that mean." I ask in the midst of my laugh. "I'm happy..." My phone ringing stops him from talking. I check and see Dylan's number appear on the screen, I wish I was able to delete it from my brain. I notice Fidel eyeing the phone and I stand and leave the room and head for the washroom.
"Hello." I answer feeling more pissed to hear his breath.