I fear for the unexpected. I fear for the decisions. And I greatly fear for rejection. That's what my life's been so far. What I have experienced in this lifetime of mine. In the days of my childhood, I was weak. In times for decisions, I'd be a stone. From the days of my youth, I was always afraid. Always afraid that I wasn't enough. Afraid that everyone I know will just leave me for another one of my flaws that I can't control.
They say I'm weird, and god knows that I can't deny that. From a time that I gone for a trip across the country, I had met the person that had helped me to from all the tragic things that was happening to me. He was an artist among artist, a philosopher among philosophers... He was my idol.
He wrote quotes for us people that was out of sink with our lives. Always giving faith, encouragement, hope, and kind words that only god can say upon us... After I poured out all of my gratefulness, I started walking to my room at the hotel. As I was nearing my door, I realized that I had dropped my keys, so I traced my steps and found myself nearing the longue.
Seeing my keys on the ground, I picked it up, but then my ears picked up on a familiar voice. It was him, my idol. As I was going to say hello, my heart sunk, it sunk in the ocean, it hit, and broke rock bottom, but it's still sinking. Even now...
What I heard him say was the most inhumane thing anyone can ever say. His words were dirtier than an old rag that hasn't been washed for ten years. I wouldn't even be surprised if someone was to say to me it was dirtier than that old rag ten-fold. His words were grousome, his words was ugly, and most of all, his words was hurtful.
That was the day I realized that I had no more hope to humanity, with it's ugly insides hiding in a shell of beautifully made innocence, I lived my days suffering. It is also the day where I started to live my life in a closed off vicinity from the world I came to know, and hate.
My journey on this road ahead of me is still starting. It will continue to break me more and more, until my will to live is stolen and I take my life from grief. That is what my life has been and will continue to be that way until I am gone.
In this world, nothing is absolute, so I will walk my path with my own strength. Alone.