I kept myself as professional as I could and I guess in some way he also tried to keep to his end of the deal. It wasn't that he was a horrible person or was even being unprofessional or uncomfortable, he was just my employer and I wasn't trying to get people to start saying stuff about me. Perhaps, he thought I would be better elsewhere and not bringing him coffee, but since bringing him files and coffee was what I had come here for and had, essentially signed up for, it was what I was going to do and there was no doubt about it. Obviously, for a person of his status and authority to see a lot of potential in me was something but not something to get me to act hastily because I got too 'excited' and forgot that things were never free or that he wasn't someone I was so well acquainted with that I would leave myself indebted to him, it didn't matter if he was being sincere or not.
I had no reason to trust him or even one to not do so–and that just made me even more skeptical. Afternoons at the office were sort of boring as of late and of course, I was on a mission to make sure that I crossed no line and confuse the whole situation. And so for the past hour, besides directing calls to Nicholas and bringing him more coffee than usual, I had been staring at the poor computer screen while I ate away at my granola bar and tried my best to not go through every word had said–it was futile. I was thinking about it, every single word, or better yet just about the ones that I could remember andy tone, of course. Maybe I wanted to find a hole and hide in it. I had been a bit hasty and inconsiderate, maybe even too harsh as compared to what I had intended to do.
My third granola bar was already just a piece and so was the confidence I had suddenly, and unnecessarily, gained as I put my boss in his place–I needed another granola bar. And right as I was to peel another one open he poked his head through the door and caused me to jump, shoving it away immediately. I had no clue as to why, but maybe it was his well-sculpted cheekbones and lips and the way his chin was cleft so softly that made him look so perfect and made me a bit shy about my bite choices.
"I need your help." His eyes seemed darker in the light, or lack thereof, which he stood in. And I, again, found myself aware of every word I had said to him and how slightly 'too dismissive' I now felt I had been. It wasn't as if I ate chocolate cake and fries every day, I just had a bit of a sweet tooth and granola bras were not as bad as cookies. Sugar-free ones just tasted funny to me and I do not know, maybe my tastebuds were out to sabotage me but I liked the flavor and had quite the sweet tooth–I was trying.
I stood up after arranging my skirt as if it were creased. "Is everything okay?" I opted for something that I felt sounded neutral and not as harsh, but still professional because Nicholas wasn't my friend–I worked for him and not the other way around.
"Tie." He simply said and slid back right behind those shinny glass doors with ease.
I pushed the door open immediately and found him standing in the middle of the office with three ties in his hand–and of course, that permanent scowl which hung off his lips almost heavily. "I don't know why I'd be invited to a wedding."
My eyes betrayed me because I was sure they were round as saucers and ready to pop right out of my sockets. And if I had been eating or had been sipping away at my tea I surely would be choking right about that instance.
He arched his left brow as he offered the three ties to me. "You seem. . .surprised. My brother's getting married and I'm the best man. People enjoy inviting me to their weddings."
"He's your brother," I said, softly, "that's different."
His suit jacket was hung by the slim coat hanger that held its post by his chair. "If you were getting married, let's say, I wouldn't be invited because I don't seem like the wedding type?"
"You'd probably stand out, but. . .rest assured I won't be putting you in an uncomfortable position any time soon." I draped the silk black tie over my shoulder and handed him the two–red wouldn't do him justice and that shade of navy just would seem like he tried too hard and make him feel even more awkward than I could tell he was about this whole ordeal. "Black looks good anywhere."
He draped the two ties against the coach not that far from where he stood. "Even for a wedding?"
His eyes shone as the soft sunlight graced almost his whole figure. The mellow and slightly saffron undertones of his pale skin beautifully tinged a tone warmer as opposed to his usually milky tone as he bathed in the delicate hue of gold. With the slightly pale rose tone of his full lips, he probably looked impossible to me and maybe I was insecure about myself or drowning in a deeper sense of self-loathing that I couldn't get myself to trust that–to believe this was all he was. He was nice and understanding enough that something about him had to be deeply crooked.
I just didn't know what it was.
"Don't wedding mean bright colors?" He folded his arms. "I don't want to offend the bride or anything."
"I wouldn't be offended," I shrugged as I tugged at the tie around my neck gently as I finished making it, "and besides the groom's probably going to be clothed in–"
"Burgandy," Nicholas said, quickly and so quietly that I had been sure I heard incorrectly, "and a silver tie."
"Wow." I could only say as I imagined what that probably looked like. Maybe it wasn't so bad if you saw it and the rest of the wedding theme. "Should we go for the red tie. . .then?"
Nicholas wrinkled his nose. "To make me look like a member of a ninety's rock band?"
"You're worried about coming across as rude." I found myself smiling as I strode towards him a bit more carefully than I would any other person.
"There will be photos taken."
I tried my best to not laugh at his predicament but I failed and ended up letting out a soft laugh. "You'll live with it."
"I'm glad you're entertained by this."
I stood before him as he lifted the collar of his crisp white shirt quite carefully and I was left no choice but to slightly stand on my toes. "Who wouldn't be? It's just a tie and you look so uncomfortable. I can't wait to see the pictures."
"Unfortunately, I will pretend they don't exist." He let out a somewhat soft chuckle.
I had the tie over his head and right around his collar–secured quite safely around his elegantly tall neck. My body was probably half an inch close to being pressed against his and my toes felt uncomfortable as I did my best to not stumble. Nicholas was no kid and was quite tall that he seemed almost too long and most definitely stood out in this odd way, despite how great he looked and how gracefully narrow his waist seemed–he was somewhat strange.
"There." I quickly stepped back and avoided his eyes as I tried my very best to not put my thoughts into his long arms or the way he smelled so good.
He smoothed out the tie. "Thank you."
"Are you leaving now?" I went ahead and tried my best polite tone. "Or will you have coffee first? Is that something you usually do?"
Nicholas stepped close and carefully took my hand in his and looked at me right in the eye. "I understand you work a certain way, but please, could we just try to be comfortable around each other."
I wanted to yank my hand away but he held it so carefully and gently that it just made me more nervous than upset.
He wasn't being rude or uncomfortable.
He wasn't being forceful either, I just found the gentleness very. . .annoying and maybe, he was like this to everyone I just hated feeling as if he was being so careful around me–I wasn't broken or anything. "Comfortable?"
"I don't mind you saying what you feel. . .or sharing your thoughts, I'm not a monster." He finally let my hand go and still quite carefully. "You do work for me, but I'm still just a person much like you. I don't. . .I feel uncomfortable with being treated as if I'm not. . .someone you can relate to."
"I don't mind if–"
"If I stay out of your personal life."
I sighed as I smiled. "That's a bit too blunt."
"Wish you would've joined us for that dinner still." He looked at me quite deeply as if he was somewhat searching for the real reason why I had decided to not show up.
"I wouldn't be comfortable with someone. . .I want to earn my way to those kinds of meetings, Nicholas." I looked at him right in the eye.
"I'm aware of that. . .and I'm not trying to take that away from you." He furrowed his brows intensely. "There's isn't a successful person in the entire world who didn't have someone offer them the first step to the door."
"I'm aware of that–"
"I'm just the wrong person to do it then?" Nicholas tilted his head. "Or maybe because I'm a man? I'm not offended by that."
I rolled my eyes, unfortunately. "No."
"What is it then?" He looked confused.
I tried my best to keep my words soft. "I wouldn't feel comfortable even if you were a woman, I hate. . .I don't like pity or help. I'm. . .just like that."
"It's not as if you won't work for it or you'll be indebted to me."
"It doesn't mean I won't feel like it." My eyes looked anywhere but where he stood.