When I moved to Saudi Arabia with my family I didn't expect her I'd fall in love with a beautiful woman who would be also an imam. She had to hide her mosque because of persecution from the haram police. She was or must be at least 25 to my 20. She didn't like to admit it because of traumatic life but she was a beautiful woman who have sermons as stirring as the prophet (pbuh) and just charismatic. Thought it was a dangerous charisma but that of beauty and peace.

That was when I had a funny feeling that I might be in love with her, but wasn't sure. Maybe she had a husband on the side. But when I discovered why her mosque was little known it was because of her sexuality. It was mostly Women in her mosque very few man because they would report her to the haram police. The religious police of Saudi Arabia.

She was strikingly beautiful compared to me being a plain Jane. She noticed me after her Friday sermon and she waited to introduce herself, Farrah Layla bint mahamady. She said that I had a certain charm to my looks. She lived in Riyadh slums, but kept everything nice in her mosque and around her.

She went up to me and as has our lips where touching almost kissing me, when she she wanted to go for coffee. Then she planted a small kiss on my lips as we talked. Then when to her office after saying my Nur (light). I knew then she want to be with me.

I wasn't just waiting for the coffee meet up but to actually see her sermons and be that close to her. I wasn't able to sleep that night but I couldn't tell anyone about near lesbian experience because of the haram police. Not even to my own family. It was painful. I wanted to tell someone so badly about Farah but I couldn't trust anyone. I cried myself to sleep every night. I had on only Farrah and god to confide in.

When we meet for coffee I told her that she had sweetness to her voice when she recited the Quran.

" you love me aygul," she asked. " because that's why I want to talk to you... I wanted to love you since you first came."

"Really"

"Yes my Nur infact I want to take you on the pilgrimage to Mecca!"

"Oh my," I said.

Lthatschow much I love you dearly"

After we left the coffee shop she slid into an alley yanked my hand and the next thing we know we in an embrace and kissing heavily that I thought for sure that we would be found out. "Don't be afraid habibi" she said stroking my cheek with her fingers only to tenderly kiss me.

She then said that she was a bad woman but I didn't realize until later why she was "bad".

I don't know how bad she was or you'll see wise but she wasn't to me. She seems like a very charismatic and charming young lady no older than me by five years. We continue to make out or kiss in the alleyway until it was the time to hear the call of a prayer. That was when she disappeared into the the crowd.

My mother asked how I was doing when I went out and I didn't want to tell her that I was a lesbian now with a girlfriend who is the infamous female imam.

"Get off my back mom" I said and slammed the door to my room. That night I snuck out to be with Farrah.

After we made love in the far corner of her mosque she told me why she was bad. She said was because was horrifically abused as a kid in a madarassah but still had a love the religion not her tormentors. Farrah went to say she would dress poorly and make people give her money. I could hear the same in her voice when she told me about her childhood and why she has to hustle for money. But it was too late I was in love with the female imam and there was not turning back.

She was a mystery to me and I want to know why I was so attracted to or not just because of her beauty and her beautiful clothes I want to see does your sermons but also why is she rip off people.

I just didn't get that at the time that she was ripping off people but I thought she was just raising money for her mosque while she said she also was dealing with financial problems and couldn't help but beg for money for psychiatric care. I thought that was barbaric of the system. Obviously she did have some sort of drama from her time in a Holly school.

But she loved her religion too much.

She said she had a loan sharks after her all the time for her psychiatric treatment. She couldn't afford even with the arms from her mosque to pay for the medication. She actually started to cry and I felt sorry for her I didn't think she was that bad of a person but made wrong mistakes at the wrong times she was a good person at heart and I wanted to love her. But she kept saying I'm bad I mirror. But I felt like I found my soulmate.

I would keep running off to her must not trust for her sermons but also for midnight lovemaking in her mosque will she taught me how recite the Quran and memorize it. Farrah was one of a kind person, I wanted to make her feel special. Just as she made me feel as special to her I want to make love to her and to satisfy her anyways in a man couldn't

"Let me love you Farrah," I begged.

But she said she was too broken for love.

I wanted to prove her wrong. That she was worthy of love.