I slept for a few hours at the station. I don't remember falling asleep, but detective Cole walked in with my things from my parents. He said they dropped it off a few minutes before waking me. We were up talking until about 2 in the morning. I must have drifted off while speaking with him. It was 8 in the morning now. I feel exhausted. I feel... done.
"Officer Milton here can show you to the ladies room. You can freshen up and we can start again if you feel up to it." There was a female officer standing by the doorway. Detective Cole handed me my bag, and I walked out into the hallway with officer Milton. I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, pulled up my hair and put deodorant on. I changed into new, fresh clothes and put on some perfume.
I stood in front of the mirror for a while wondering what Lucy would say if she were here with me now, but it doesn't matter anymore. Lucy couldn't blackmail me anymore. She can't stop me from talking about her and what she did. Sam can't and Ashley can't. No one can stop me and I don't want them to. I'm done with the secrets, the lies, the pain and fear. I need to tell the truth if it's the last thing I do.
"If you're done, there's breakfast in the room for you." The officer told me. I just nodded to her. It felt like I couldn't move. I promised Lucy and the others that I wouldn't tell anyone what we did, and I won't drag down Sam and Ashley. But Lucy isn't here anymore, and she can haunt me from her bloody grave if she wants.
I walk out of the bathroom and back to the interrogation room. Detective Cole bought me breakfast and had it laid on the table by the couch I spent the night in. I ate the breakfast, then threw it in the trash. I sat on the couch wondering who would break the silence first: detective Cole, or me.
"Are you ready to continue?" Detective Cole looked at me. I wasn't, but I knew I had to. So I just nodded and continued on from where I left off last night.
"Lucy blackmailed all of us. I'm not going to tell you about Sam and Ashley, because this isn't about them. It's about my relationship with Lucy. She was holding something pretty big over my head. Get my father fired, big.
When we were in eighth grade, I had a crush on someone. I didn't realize at the time that it was considered wrong in my parents, or other people's eyes. We were at a birthday party for a guy in our class. Someone had the bright idea to play spin the bottle, but with a twist. Whoever the bottle landed on, you also played '7 minutes of Heaven' with them. Well, the bottle landed on me... then landed on Christy Madison. 'Rules are rules' Lucy told me. So I played 7 minutes of Heaven with a girl in our class. We told people that we just talked, but that wasn't true. And it didn't stop there.
We kissed a few times that night. Lucy caught us. And she told me that she wouldn't tell anyone. My mom found out a few weeks later and told me how that was a sin. So I didn't do it again. I had boyfriends, even though Christy Madison would pop into my head time and time again. Only Lucy knew about it. I ignored it, and the feelings went away. Turned into this... righteous act.
I have plenty of friends who are gay and lesbian, but never fully agreed with it. I love them, respect them, listen to them, and I understand them. But I don't think I need to shove Bible verses down their throats like my mom did with me. Lucy knew that I didn't have romantic feelings for Christy. I liked her, but not in the way that Lucy or my mom must have thought I did. I respected her as a person, I liked her soul, her personality, but nothing more than that.
I never told anyone about that until now... other than my mom I guess. And Lucy tried holding it over me time and time again. 'You don't want to ruin you or your dad's reputation do you, Nicky?' She would say to me. And I let her do it to me because high school seemed like a war pit at the time. When really, it was just a stupid and irrelevant building with stupid and irrelevant people.
My point is, she blackmailed all of us. She got us to tell her our deepest secrets without ever returning the favor. If we didn't want to do something for her, she would pull out all the cards she had. For example, talking me into stealing the history test for her because she didn't have time to study, taking my school notes when she was too lazy to write them herself, and breaking into the church to steal wine.
The worst one, however, was turning me into a klepto for her when we were at the mall. She would put things in my bag without me even knowing it! What friend puts things in your bag and blames you if you go down for it?" I was even angrier now. I stood up to my feet, almost shouting at the man in front of me. I reserved myself and continued, more calmly this time. "But that was Lucy... I would get home and see something in my bag and I'd ask her about it and she would just give me her child-like smile. 'Oh c'mon Nicky, I really wanted that skirt and you're the one with the suitcase for a handbag.' And I tried getting her to return them to the store, but she refused. I would try to make her, then she would give one name, 'Remember Christy Madison Nicole? Yeah, that's what I thought.'
I'm not sure what she would try to get the others to do, but I know what we all did together. And I'm surprised it didn't get us all killed."
"Why are you coming clean now?" Detective Cole interrupted. He reached for his coffee, took a sip, and put the footstool up on his recliner and leaned back.
"Because there's no one to stop me. And I'm done keeping secrets." I sat down on the couch, put my feet up on the couch, and looked at Detective Cole. He looked at me like he had deep satisfaction. There was something in his expression that seemed like he was genuinely interested in everything I had to say. But something was telling me not to.