"There's something you need to know"... I paused, sucking in a breath that burned my throat. I felt like I was dizzy, so I sat down on the couch that I slept in last night. "I told you how I became friends with Lucy. But now you need to know why I was undone by Lucy." He looked at me with a puzzled face. Unsure of what I meant, so I just kept going to explain it more. "When her parents started to get really bad with the fighting, the drinking, and all the other stuff, Lucy got worse. She got dark. Her mom was drinking all the time, and she was a mean drunk. She was verbally abusive to Lucy and physically abusive to her dad. Usually when you hear about stuff like that, it's usually the opposite. Usually the dad is the abusive one, but not in Lucy's case. Her mom would make comments about her appearance and it seemed to really effect Lucy. She would say things like 'you better get your roots done, you're starting to look like a skunk,' and, 'an 82? I raised you better than that! You need 90's baby! A's are the only acceptable grade' and then she would make comments about her weight as well. And we wondered why Lucy was bulimic. Which I'm sure you knew from the coroners report." Detective Cole just nodded his head as if he knew that information to be correct.
"This all started our freshman year of high school. Her parents were divorced around our sophomore year, but things got worse before they finally went up in flames. When her parents got worse, Lucy got dark. She would take it out on others. She wasn't a bully. No, she was worse than that. Way worse. I mean, she drove a girl to suicide."
Detective Cole seemed piqued at this remark. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me quizzically. "How do you drive a person to suicide?"
"Well, you make it so the person imagines that hell would be better than here." He looked at me like he needed the rest of the story. "Well, there was a girl named Cassie Phillips that went to our school. Lucy always enjoyed picking on her. She was very modest, but that was because of her church. She was Wesleyan Methodist, and their attire is long skirts, elbow length with collared shirts, and hair pulled up into a bun. And Cassie fit the profile of an Amish person.
Lucy would say things like 'oh wow, I didn't know the buggy could get here so fast.' and 'so when does rumspringa start for you?' and a lot of other pretty bad stuff. Then, Lucy got worse as her parents fighting got worse. And she took it out on Cassie. When we got into Sophomore year... Lucy went to a really dark place in life. That's when her parents were going through the divorce. And I think that taking it out on Cassie made her feel better. But like I said earlier, I became undone by Lucy because of this. Every day Lucy made Cassie's life a living hell. I hated that I never did anything to stop her. But it all stopped when we had an assembly one morning to let all of the students know that 'Cassie Phillips regretfully took her own life late last night.'" I wondered back at the situation. How did the principle know that she regretfully took her own life? Maybe she wanted to kill herself really bad, and didn't regret it at all.
"Then, it seemed like everyone in the gym turned to look at the four of us. As if they all knew that we were responsible for the girl regretfully taking her own life the night before. I knew it too. Lucy said the one thing that would make anyone want to kill themselves. Lucy's mom had made a comment about her gaining weight, and Lucy took out her appearance problems on Cassie yet again. But this time, she went too far.
She walked up to Cassie in the busy hall and said, 'So, Cassie I'm a little confused.' When Cassie didn't answer her, she just kept going. 'Is it going to be your son, or your brother?' and she gestured towards Cassie's belly. Cassie looked confused at first, then this look of recognition and then horror came across her face. Cassie asked her, 'What are you talking about?' and Lucy just smiled and continued on like a predator catching it's prey, 'Well, I wanted to get you a baby shower gift but I wasn't sure if I should get the shirt that says 'best baby brother', or 'daddy's favorite little man', or 'papa's favorite grandson', you know... being that your dad is also your baby daddy." And then Lucy just left out this dark laugh, and everyone joined in. Then Cassie just ran away crying. Then Lucy turned to us and said, 'What a fat little bitch.' and then walked to her class as if nothing had happened."
"And you're telling me that you just let her do that to someone? You didn't stop her, or join in, or do anything yourself?" Detective Cole looked horrified by the story I had just told him.
"Regretfully, no I didn't say or do anything to stop her. And I'm not the kind of person to make another person's life feel like hell. I was raised better than that. But I guess I didn't do enough. And that was the moment that I started to hate Lucy. Then I despised her the next morning when we learned that Cassie had killed herself. And trust me, if she hadn't, she would probably be at the top of my list for who killed Lucy. But... that would be impossible unless ghosts can kill you."
I stopped for a moment, realizing the tragedy of the situation. I revealed too much. Once I started talking, I felt like I couldn't stop. I remembered that whole day, and realized that I never allowed myself to think back on the day when I fell apart. "After the assembly, we all got called down to the office. Principle Hoffman called us into her office and sat us down one by one, recalling the events from the day before. But before we got to the office, Lucy warned us, 'if you say anything, you'll live to regret it, or you die like Cassie.' Sam and Ashley seemed horrified that Lucy would even say a thing like that, but I wasn't horrified anymore. I was unsurprised. I was angry. I was ready to lose my friend if it meant I could do right by Cassie and her family. When I got called into the office to share my testimony, I danced around the truth. I asked Principle Hoffman what she already knew, and she told the story for exactly what had happened as if she witnessed it all herself. I just nodded in agreement. Then I remembered something, principle Hoffman was fluent in American Sign Language, just like me. Lucy said that if we SAY anything, then we'd live to regret it. So, when I spoke with my mouth about countering those events, I signed to her the real story. She watched my hands tell the truth, while my friends only heard the lie. I followed Lucy's orders to the T. Then a few hours had passed, and just Lucy was called down to the office. We all sat in our seats, and she looked at us like she didn't know what was going on. I had only found out later that day that she had been suspended. Cassie's parents wanted her expelled, but principle Hoffman thought that that would make matters worse. I never said anything to anyone about me ratting her out until right now. I have kept that close to my chest all these years in fear of Ashley, Sam, or especially Lucy finding out.
There was something that Lucy taught me, and that is secrets don't stay secrets, and when they don't, they turn into weapons. That's why I never told anyone about that until now. I guess it's not a secret anymore. So, my question for you is... how are you going to use that weapon against me?" I looked at him as though he would have all the answers shining in the room like big, fat, shining disco ball.
"I'm glad that you're finally coming clean about all of this. But you still haven't answered my initial question."
"And what was that?" I furrowed my brows, and crossed my arms and legs.
Detective Cole looked at me deep in my eyes. It felt cold, expectant, and almost accusatory. "What happened that summer?"