It was time for lunch, and I decided that I needed a little bit of fresh air. So, I decided to go to the Town Grille down the road from the station. I was standing in line when someone I haven't seen in a year came through the door.
"Well, if it isn't my old best friend!" I smiled, and gave an awkward hug to Ashley. "Are you back in town?"
"Hey! Yeah, I just got back actually. How are you? We should totally catch up!"
We both ordered our food, then sat down at a table in the back corner of the restaurant away from everyone else. We talked about her school and new job. We talked about my internship at the Banks and Griffin Lawyer Firm downtown. And we talked about Lucy.
"I'm not sure I should tell you this, but..." I paused. Took a sip of my water then continued, "I just got out of a meeting with the FBI." I waited for her response.
"What? Why? Why would the FBI be talking to you?" I told her all about the 'new evidence' that detective Cole found, and everything that I've shared with him so far. I told her about what Lucy held over me all these years. "Why didn't you tell us that yourself? It's not like Sam or I would care."
"I never really cared to talk about it with anyone because my mom made me feel ashamed about it and so did Lucy. If it wasn't a big deal, then she wouldn't have held it over me the way she did. But I really think we should talk with Sam about this. If she would even talk with us about it anyway. But I am only telling him the PG rated version, and only my side of the story. I would never tell him, or anyone for that matter, about you guys."
"Are you going to tell him about the plan?"
"No. Never."
Ashley and I continued talking and catching up with each other. Then I realized that we had been talking for over an hour, and detective Cole only gave me a half an hour for lunch. We walked out of the restaurant together, and I noticed that a black car was sitting across the street from the restaurant. I hugged Ashley and whispered, "Be careful. We'll try to talk to Sam when it's safe to. We didn't plan for Lucy to die." She nodded her head, and we said good bye to each other.
I walked over to the black police car, and asked for them to give me a ride back to the station. I climbed in and started to gather my thoughts. Maybe running into Ashley today was Lucy's way of saying "you better keep your mouth shut" from beyond the grave. I had hardly noticed that we arrived at the station until my escorts told me that I could get out of the car. Detective Cole met me at the doors and he walked me through the buzzer door, down the long hallway, and into the, now, cozy interrogation room.
"I hope you enjoyed your lunch." Detective Cole asked. I nodded, and then apologized for my tardiness. He blew it off, and took his seat across from me. He looked at me and then down at his notebook and then asked if I was ready to continue. I don't think I am, but I have to give him something since I told him I would tell him everything I could.
I keep hearing this voice in my head telling me to keep quiet. That voice is Lucy's. I feel like I should listen to it, but I also know that she can't hold anything over me anymore. She can't manipulate me anymore. She can't tell me what to do and what not to do anymore. She isn't even here anymore. I felt like this was a new awakening. I could finally ignore Lucy. It just took two years to be able to do it.
Detective Cole looked at me, waiting for me to respond. "Well?" He gestured for me to continue about Lucy the way I had the night before and this morning. I started going over my conversation with Ashley in the corner of the restaurant just a few minutes before.
"There's a cop, detective actually. He said he found new evidence about Lucy's murder. He doesn't think that Karma killed her. I don't know who else could've done it, but he seems to think that we do. He hasn't come up to you at all?"
"What? No! No one's come up to me. No cop, no detective, no one. God, Nicole. Why you? Why would he think you would know anything?"
"I don't know. Maybe we all know something. We need to talk to Sam. Maybe we all know the truth if we can put our stories together. I just want to get everything out in the air." I breathed a long breath. It felt like I've been holding it for hours.
"Are you crazy? One: Sam is still locked in at Pennview Sanatorium, two: if we all go to Sam, then the police will think we're conspiring, and three: we have nothing to do with anything! Nothing! You got that?" Ashley was scared. She was really scared now. "We worked too hard the last two years to make it seem like we were ignorant of anything. We made it look like Lucy was the glue that held our friendship together. Sam literally went insane when we planned this out. The only thing we didn't plan, was Lucy dying like she did."
"That's what I'm saying Ash! What the heck happened? We never planned on Lucy dying! She wasn't supposed to die! We need to talk to Sam like our lives depend on it! Because now? Now they do!"
"I guess we need to at such a time as this. God. This is impossible!" Ashley threw her hands in the air. We both felt like wild animals trapped in a cage. No way out. Except for the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. So help us god.
A few minutes of silence passed between us. I felt like I could hear the roar of our hearts beating over everything else in the restaurant. It was like our anxious heart beats could be heard from a mile away.
"So when do you need to be back at the police station?" Ashley asked, breaking the pounding silence.
"A half hour ago. I'm not being arrested for anything, so I'm free to come and go as I please. I just left to get some air and think about what to say next. I didn't expect to run into you... but maybe it's a good thing I did."
We sat there for what felt like a long time. I told her everything I've told Detective Cole so far. Even what Lucy has been holding over me all these years. "Are you serious? It was one girl that you kissed what... three times that night? And that night only? The things she made you do were worse than what she was holding over your head!" I knew that already, but if she moved on to the other things, she would've been unstoppable. "So you haven't told him about what we did to Cassie? And you didn't tell him about Lucy's plan that summer?"
"No. Not yet anyway. I'm not sure what I should do. I didn't want to bring the rest of you down with me. I've been very selective in what I tell him. I've only told him the PG rated version." She just raised her eyebrows and took another bite out of her veggie burger.
"I say don't. You don't want to get arrested for something that wasn't really your fault." The way she looked at me when she said that made me feel like maybe it was my fault. Not just mine, but all of ours.
"Yeah but... Ash, if we would've just told the truth two years ago... we wouldn't even be having this conversation." I know I can't spend the rest of my life living in the 'what if this' and 'what if that'. But this is the one thing that I wonder: if we just would have told the truth then, we wouldn't be where we were now.
"Okay. Here's what you do: go back to the station, keep telling the PG version of 'it's a wonderful life starring Nicole Riley' and get out of there. Don't give too much or too little of information. Give enough to get satisfaction for yourself and for him. Then, when you get out, we go to Sam and warn her. Got it?" I nodded my head. I gave her a hug and wished her luck.
Now I'm back in this room struggling to not overshare because a large part of me just wants my conscious clear. But, I can still hear the demanding voice of the Late Lucy Marshall banging in my ear to keep quiet. I can't figure out what to do, so I'll just go with my gut. I have to remember that she isn't here to stop me anymore.