Charlie's POV:
"Hey, Pep. I hate to ask this of you, but do you think you could keep Maggie a day or so?" I'm a wreck. My finger nails have been chewed down to the quick and I'm just overwhelmed. I thought by starting work at Stark Industries would help, but seeing how most the work can be done from home, I get no escape.
"Yeah, Charlie. Of course. Is everything okay?"
"No. I just...I need some time alone right now. You sure you don't mind?"
"No. Go ahead and bring her by."
"Thank you, Pep. Love you. I'll be by in a bit." I look down at Maggie's little suitcase that I already had packed. Hoping that she would agree to keep my daughter. I just needed a night or two to allow myself a pity party. Since Bucky left, I haven't given myself that.
"Love you, Charlie. Be careful. I keep telling you to take care of yourself."
That's exactly what I'm going to do. "Thanks, Pep." I bring my hands up to my mouth again, biting at my fingers more than my nails, since there's nothing there. "Maggie!" My sweet-faced blonde daughter comes bounding in the room. "You want to spend a couple days at Aunt Pepper's?"
"Yes! Please! There's no one to play with here." She jumps over to my lap. "But I still love you."
"Love you, too, little pearl. Let's go."
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Back at the cottage, thankfully Pepper realized that I just needed some time alone. I have tried to be strong for Maggie. I'm an adult. I should be the strong one. I shouldn't have my moments of a breakdown. Sulking over to the kitchen I pull out the Jack Daniels from the bar cart and a shot glass. Sitting on the couch I go ahead and take a couple of shots of the strong amber liquid. Taking delight in the slow burn of the liquor going down my throat.
I pull up my phone looking through my texts and call logs. I have called him too many times. Text him too many times. With no results. Another shot. He obviously doesn't want to speak to me. Doesn't want to see me, so why should I care? Another shot. Frustrated I scream out into the empty house. What did I do wrong? I mean I shouldn't have lied to him. That's all on me, but why would he just walk away? Another shot. Charlie you should slow down.
I make my way back into the kitchen, checking the fridge, stupid Steve still has a few beer bottles in there. Fine. Walking back into the living room I pull up my phone and dial his number. "Hey, James. I hope you're doing well." Hiccup. "I just wanted to let you know, I miss you. The bed is cold." Another hiccup. "I just want you to wrap your arms around me and tell me I've got you in your sexy voice. Anyways. Call me back.... if you feel like it."
Why do I do this shit to myself? Taking a swig from the beer bottle. I lean my head back on the couch with my eyes closed. Basking in my aloneness. I guess this is my future. But then again, "I believe that's mine."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I growl out. I really did not want company tonight. "What are you doing here?"
"Such a warm greeting there, princess." He sits down on the opposite side of the couch. My head never leans back up nor do my eyes open.
"Please, don't call me that."
"Where's our daughter?" I lean my head over and finally open my eyes to look at him, glaring holes in his head.
"She's at Pepper's. I wanted a night to myself. Thanks for ruining that."
"I'm sorry. Is everything okay?" His face softens towards me.
"No."
"Talkative tonight. Mind if I get a beer?" Without waiting on my response, he gets up walking to the fridge.
"Sure. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. Grab you a beer." My voice is dripping with sarcasm. I've had too many shots; I have no filter. "While you're at it, bring me one, too."
Steve hands me a bottle while I finish what was left in mine. Taking a swig from the new bottle I look over to Steve. "Drinking some whiskey, too." He nods his head and grimaces at me. "Want to talk about it?"
"No."
He studies my face carefully. Both of us take a drink from our beer. "There's some Asgardian liquor left, too." Steve chugs his beer and stands to walk to the bar cart, bringing over the decanter. Never offering me any he grabs the shot glass I had been drinking out of and pours himself some. I have no desire to drink the strong liquor.
"Be careful how much you drink. Wouldn't want you to go home drunk to Peggy." I know my voice sounds bitter. And I am. He got everything he wanted. And because of that I'm now alone.
He rolls his eyes at me. "I can always crash here until I'm no longer drunk." A deep belly laugh erupts from my chest. "What? Don't want me sleeping here?"
"Fine. You can have the guest room. When was the last time you got drunk anyways?" Wow, I really showed him. Crumbled with no effort.
"Probably the last time I drank Thor's special brew with you. Not that I was ever big on drinking."
"No... because Steve Rogers is so perfect."
"I'm getting the feeling you're pissed off at me." He has the audacity to smile over at me.
I scoff, "What gives you that idea wonder boy?"
"Maybe your shortness." He shrugs. "Maybe it's because you haven't had sex in two months that's pissing you off."
"Wow. You know me so well, Steven." I lift my head up and chugging the beer, and placing the empty bottle back on the coffee table.
"You forget I lived with you for eight years. You're a horny little thing. You were never satiated, Charlotte." Gently I poor myself another shot of whiskey. "Maybe you should quit the drinking."
Glaring at him, I throw the shot back before slamming it on the table. "Your turn, Rogers. If you're going to be here, I need you drunk. You're killing my buzz."
"You've got more than just a buzz, princess." Why does he feel the need to call me that?
I poor him some of the Asgardian alcohol and handing it to him. "Drink." He complies. I go ahead and poor him more and pass it to him. "Drink."
He takes the drink and looks at me, "You trying to get me drunk?"
"You disturb my weekend pity party you have to be drunk." I smile at him.
"Why are you having a pity party?"
"Why are you not drunk? Drink." I hand him another shot full of the liquor.
"Charlie." He glares at me. I do see his pupils dilate a bit. My plan to get him drunk is working.
"Steve."
"Is this about Bucky? You're feeling sorry for yourself because he left?"
"Shut up, Rogers. I don't want to think about him. I want to forget." Dramatically I throw my head back.
"In all the years I've known you have you ever been able to forget about him?"
"Apparently. We met before and I don't remember him. So..."
"This is different. The man dusted away in your arms and you couldn't forget about him. Didn't have to drink or wallow in self-pity either."
"Oh, you're so fucking perfect, huh? Last time, you know I wasn't alone. Now I'm raising a child alone. With my ex randomly popping into my life, gloating about his perfect existence in 1940 something. With his perfect fucking wife, and his perfect fucking new family."
"Okay." He nods his head looking at me. "You done?"
"No. I want another beer." I stand to walk into the kitchen, big mistake, losing my balance and falling right into Steve's lap.
"I think you've had enough." He whispers down to me. His breathing changes, and I feel him almost shudder at me on his lap.
"Don't tell me what to do. I followed your rules for..." I look up at him. I almost soften my coldness towards him with just the feeling of his warmth and his kind eyes. No. Nope. I pull myself off of him and stumble into the kitchen. "Listen, Stevie. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine."
I bring the last two beers into the living room with me handing one to Steve and falling onto the couch, spilling a bit on myself and I break out into a fit of laughter. "You're graceful." Ugh. Steve's barely tipsy.
"You're a super soldier. What's your point?"
"He shouldn't have left." I watch Steve glance over from the side of his eye as I take a drink from the beer.
"You shouldn't have either."
"Wow. Truth comes out."
"Yep." I make sure to pop the p at the end. My head turns quickly to him as I smile.
"It wasn't your fault." His hand reaches over, ghosting on my shoulder, and then pulling the beer out of my hand. I watch as his lips connect to the bottle and starts drinking from it.
"I never said it was."
"You never said it wasn't either." I roll my eyes at him.
"It wasn't anyone's fault. I'm not even sure what happened. He was perfect though. I just want him. I want him here with me. And I want him to pick me up, carry me to the bed, and fuck me until I can't walk." No filter.
Steve laughs at my confession. "It was just shitty. You know, the way he said goodbye. And look at you, sitting on the couch, alone on a Friday night, drinking until you can't remember him. If only for one night."
"Ah, but I'm not alone. You're here with me Stevie."
"Yeah." Why is it he always ends up being the one here with me? It's infuriating, and also oddly comfortable. Seeing him makes me think of Bucky, and my blurred vision can almost give the illusion that he is Bucky, with shorter, blonder hair. I squint looking at him. Yeah, squinting he could actually pass as Bucky. But he's Steve. I loved Steve, love him. He did have his ways with me. Not realizing what I'm doing I squeeze my thighs together. Steve is a beautiful man. Great sex too. What am I even thinking? No. He smiles at my squirming on the couch.
"You can take it out on me if you like, princess." His voice comes out in a deep whisper. No.
"Take what out on you?" I'm too drunk for backwards talking.
"I could help erase him from your brain." His pupils are blown wide. And I'm not sure it's just from the alcohol.
"What are you saying, Steve?" Now it's my voice that comes out in a whisper as I look him up and down. I know exactly what he's suggesting, but I'm scared to say it out loud.
"If you don't know. Then maybe you're too drunk, princess." He makes his flirty face at me. The face he made whenever I knew he wanted to have sex.
My body slinks closer to his. I already feel the heat beaming off of him. Without hesitation his hand moves to my thigh brushing his warmth on me, "Please, Steve, I need you. Help me forget."
"You don't mean that."
I shuffle my body to straddle myself on his lap. Bringing my face as close to his as I can without touching his lips. My inhibitions are gone. I graze my hands through his hair. Watching his face, I see he's not denying either one of us this moment. "What if I do?"
"Then say the word." I feel him getting harder underneath me. I begin grinding on top of him, hoping he feels the warmth from me. He brings his hands to my thighs. "Stop." I still my movements. "Say the word, Charlie."
Dangerously close to Steve's mouth, I whisper to him, "Fuck me. Fuck away the pain, and help me forget."
Steve's lips slam onto mine. Pulling me even closer to him. This isn't a sweet moment. This is a moment of devastation. Our tongues constantly battle for dominance. Grinding over top of him, needing a release. A release that has been building for two months now. And now, there's actual hands holding onto me. Pulling back from him I gasp for air, but he pulls my lips back onto his, before he traces his lips along my jaw, snaking his way down my neck, ghosting along my collar bone. After he tires from moving the shirt away from me, he begins ripping it off of me.
Once I'm sitting on him with nothing but sleeper shorts and a bra he looks up into my eyes, watching me as he removes my bra. I smile down at him, continuing my grinding. I feel myself heat up. He smiles at my breathing switch. "Who knew that just you dry humping me could get you off?"
"Shut up." I don't want to hear his voice right now. Just enjoy the fact I'm getting off. He removes my bra and cups each breast, kneading them. Teasing my nipples and watching them pebble.
Once he's satisfied one of his hands sinks lower on my stomach, jerking my shorts off my stomach he slides his hand down them and my panties. The moment his thick fingers make contact with my slick folds I choke out a breath. "That's it, fuck my fingers, princess."
"Doll." It's sick and I shouldn't ask him to do it. But what the hell? "Call me doll."
Steve growls at me, but doesn't say no. I jerk his face closer to mine so we can continue to kiss. If I don't see his face, I can almost pretend this is happening with Bucky instead. I'm sick. I pull my lips off him, but begin the assault on his neck. Kissing every part of him. "You're so fucking wet. I need you. I can't wait anymore." He yanks his hand from my pants. Sucking my honey off his fingers he looks down at my eyes watching him enjoying the taste of me like it's the most decadent dessert.
His hands go to my ass as he tightens his hold, picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom. His strong arms throw me on the bed and I watch him struggle to undress himself. I pick my body up off the bed and saunter towards him, assisting him with removing his pants and underwear. His hands pull at the thin shorts on me, ripping them off my body and ripping the panties off me. Both of us stand naked, panting, giving each other one more time to retreat from this situation. Once we realize that we're both in too far now, I back him up onto the bed.
"Lay down." I tell him. He scoots back on the bed and I crawl over his body. Throwing my leg over his body. I grip his shaft and guide it into me. I hiss as I allow myself to sink completely on him. Feeling his cock slowly stretch me out.
"You feel so good and tight, prin... doll." I look down at Steve and see he wants to be angry at me. One roll of my hips causes his mouth to open with lust. He can't stay angry at me long in this position. I can't deny that I don't enjoy the way Bucky's pet name for me sounds coming off his lips. Too far gone now.
I set a steady pace on top, steadily rolling my hips on him. "Fuck." This feels amazing. And I just want to go off in my fantasy mind. I close my eyes and envision that it's Bucky underneath me. My movements speed up, feeling the heat rising in my stomach. I just want a screaming orgasm. Chasing that sweet release. Almost feeling like a volcano ready to erupt, heat pools in my core. Steve's strong fingers on my hips squeeze tightly as my walls squeeze on him. And then the volcano erupts. Shooting heat throughout my body. And despite my better judgement I scream out a, "Fuck. James."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Steve's his voice comes out angry and heated, and his hands push me over on my back. "You want me to make you forget and yet you ride my dick and scream his name. I'll fucking make you forget. You won't be able to walk tomorrow. Your pussy is going to feel my cock for days." I messed up.
"Steve..."
"Princess, you know you call me, Captain." Jerking my legs apart he places himself in between me, slamming his dick into me. Almost as if he's beating me, he slams into me with such force the bed frame hits the wall. I deserve this. Mix between pleasure and pain. "No words now, huh?"
"Ste..."
Strong thick fingers grab at my cheeks, squeezing them, "I thought I fucking told you that you call me Captain."
"Captain. Fuck me harder."
Smirking down at me he does in fact bury himself deeper and harder into me. "Does my princess want to be punished for screaming someone else's fucking name out?"
"Yes, Captain. Choke me. Fucking punish me, and make me pay...for my behavior."
An almost angry evil smile peers down at me before he brings his hand up to my throat. Literally he's punishing me with his cock pumping into me with such force. "I'm getting close, princess. You protected? I want to fill your sweet cunt with my cum."
"Yes. Fucking fill, me up, Captain."
"You're such a fucking cumslut. My dirty fucking cumslut."
"I'm not yours." I whisper up to him.
"I'm fucking you like you are. Doesn't look...l-like anyone else has c-claimed your cunt." He hiccups, letting me know he's close. I watch his face as his eyes close and his eyebrows knit together, feeling his warmth release deep inside.
Not wanting to linger over me, he pulls out, panting laying on his back in my bed. Looking over to him, his wedding band gleams in the soft light of the bedroom, and a sickness fills in the pit of my stomach. "You can't just come here whenever you want."
"What?" He looks over at me. "Are your serious right now, Charlie."
"Steve, we have to have some rules."
"Great lets have this conversation after sex, Charlie. Just come here and let me hold you."
"You have a wife." I bring my legs closer to my chest. The reality of what we just did is hitting me. My eyes fill with tears at the stupid ring on his finger.
"And you just let me fuck you. You let me cum inside you. And seconds later we're talking about this?" He scoffs over at me.
"We need to have designated day, or days for you to come here, and a time. I don't need to have to worry about when you're going to just show up."
"Fine we're doing this. What are you thinking? I shouldn't do days. Not unless you want me to stay here."
"No. I don't."
"Fine. Fridays."
"What time?"
"2 o'clock fine with you?"
"That's fine. After you can stay as long as you need. Every Friday?"
"Yes, until further notice. So, I can't stay?" He sits up. Rubbing my back. And I almost immediately melt at his touch.
"Steve. You have Peggy." I can't look at him.
"You're alone. Can I not just be your friend?"
"You just had your cock in me. That's not what friends do."
"Get dressed. I'm not leaving you. I'm going to wear clothes too. No more sex. And I'll leave if you really want me too. But be honest with me and yourself." He stands walking to the closet. All that's left is clothes that we bought for Bucky. When he comes back out, he sits on the bed. "What do you say Charlie?"
"You can stay." I get up, getting dressed and coming back. Steve's already pulled down the covers and laying down. Stepping onto the bed Steve's strong arms pull me into his chest. overcome with emotion and how this night played out I let the tears drip down my face. I miss Bucky so much. This just made things worse.
"I'm sorry." Steve whispers kissing my head. "Believe me when I tell you he loves you. Your time with him is far from over."
"Steve, stop. He's gone."
"Can you just trust me?" Pulling me even closer to him he whispers. "You're going to continue what you're doing. You're going to do your job with Stark Industries. You're going to continue being the best mom to our daughter. You're going to find happiness in yourself. And when Bucky gets his head out of his ass and realize how amazing you are, and to stop fighting his feelings for you, things will work out."
"How do you know this? No... don't tell me." He can travel in time. I hate to think he has visited me throughout my life, even if it's just watching in the shadows.
"You're going to live a happy life. I haven't done any time hopping. I just know. You're Charlie Allen. You're beautiful and kind. People love you."
"Not the one I want."
Steve sighs on my head, it tickles as my hair wiggles around, "Yes he does. He is just confused, and has some major shit going on. Now go to sleep. I'm not leaving you." Gently his strong hands rub along my back. As I softly drift into a nightmare less sleep.
I wake to an empty bed, but a note, water, and aspirin on the bedside table. My mind swims with everything that happened the night before.
Charlie, I don't regret what happened last night. I still love you, and I understand that we might have went too far. I will agree to the Friday's at 2:00 scheduled visitation. I think it's for the best. There's too much history between us. Please trust me. Continue growing on being okay with yourself. I love you and will see you Friday.
Conquered by the pounding hangover and the emotions that are threatening to spill out of me from mine and Steve's actions I run to the bathroom, retching at everything. Drinking so much with Steve was a bad idea, having sex with Steve is even worse. And like he promised a tight soreness lingers in my core. I need a shower.
Turning the water on as hot as I can get it, I want to boil the remnants of Steve Rogers off me. I let the hot water pelt all over my body before I roughly scrub at my skin and hair. Whether it's from the heat of the water or the amount of scrubbing I'm doing, or both my skin is irritated and red. I collapse in the shower, curling myself in a ball and let the tears overtake me. I'm literally alone now. And I can allow myself the tears, and I no longer know what I'm crying for. Just know that it is helping with the healing.
When the water starts to turn cold, I pull myself off the shower floor and getting out. Wiping the condensation that fogs up my mirror. I don't even want to look at myself and yet I force myself to. "You're Charlotte Allen. You will be okay. You have an amazing daughter. You fucked up. But life will go on. One day at a time. One step at a time."
Still not convinced I go through the motions. Brush teeth. Wash face. Brush hair. Get dressed. Upon entering my bedroom, I smell him. Steve's clean cologne lingers. It's like he marked his existence all through my bedroom. I pull off the duvet and sheets, throwing it downstairs to be washed. Bucky's pajamas he wore lay in the floor, they got to go too. One day at a time. One step at a time. I will get through this, because I have to. Maggie needs me.
It is okay. Everything is okay. I will be okay. You will be okay, Charlie. I can do this. I can get through this.