I wanted so badly to surface but I just kept going under.
No matter how much I wanted to come back up I would be pushed under water all over again.
"Isrealla?". The voice sounded panicked.
"Dear?". It sounded shocked,scared,shaken
I slowly opened my eyes and came face to face with none other than my mother. Her face looked swollen and her eyes looked red. It was as if she had been crying.
Next to her was my grandmother who shared the same look but there was something else in her eyes.
ANGER.
My father and grandfather both shared a worried look as they spoke to the doctor at the other side of my room.
My room?
What's going on?
"What happened?" I asked my voice cracking a little.
"You overdosed dear." My grandmother spoke making me turn my gaze towards her .
Oh God am dead.
"How could you do that Morenike?." She never calls me by my full name unless am in serious trouble.
"Do you not value your life?," She spat ,her voice rising an octave.
"Do you realize what you were trying to do?
You tried to take your own life. At the expanse of what. What did you think you would gain. Do you think taking you life would reverse everything that happened to you. You're supposed to be a strong woman,you're supposed to overcome this hurdle,this obstacle,this test that life has put you through,but instead you think taking your life is the best option. Have you forgotten that you have people who love and care for you?. Well if you do not remember let me refresh your memory . You have loving parents who are at your Beck and call. You have parents who feed and clothe you. Back in Nigeria there are a lot of children who would kill to have what you have so stop wallowing and mulling over been raped and get your act together."
She was full on screaming now.
Ouch.
That last part hurt though.
They never understand. It's always my fault.
"Temi you better talk to your daughter." She spoke pointing a crocked finger at my mother as she walked out of the room,my grandfather and the doctor following behind her.
It was now my mother,my father and I left in the room. And I knew I was in for another lecture.
"Isrealla." It was my dad who spoke up first.
To say am surprised is an understatement . It was always my mom who started the scolding. Then he just sat there and say nothing.
My father was a man of few words. If he was mad at me he would tell my mother first.
Then she would scream at me and call me out for my behavior.
But there was one time in 4th grade that I received a good beating from him for diverting to my friends house after school.
I remember the look on his face when he found me. I knew then that I was in for it.
But now, the way he called my name so softly I knew he wanted to take it easy.
"Yes daddy". I replied sitting up slowly.
My head was pounding....
He sat at the edge of my bed.
"You need to take things easy honey. I know you're upset about everything but you can't change the past,you just have to move on and try to be stronger." He always speaks little but with wisdom that's why I love him.
I sighed heavily.
"Yes daddy."
"Good, your trial is on friday. It's not really going to be prolonged since there were cameras in the restroom. So the sooner we get everything done with the better." I nodded in response.
There were cameras?
Did he watch them?
God...
I feel so ashamed of my self.
"Don't worry those boys will be dealt with amicably". it was my mom who spoke now.
I smiled warily at her as she patted my slightly wet hair.
"I'll leave you both to talk". He spoke glancing between the both of us.
"Honey". He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead as he walked his huge body out of the room. My father wasn't really big to say the least. But compared to my mother's tiny frame he was quiet huge.
"Ella we need to talk".
I snapped out of my thoughts as I turned towards my mother. Her eyes looked so tired and dejected. It was as if she hasn't slept in forever.
" Yes ma".
"I hope you understand what your father has said." I nodded in reply,pulling at the loose thread on the sleeve of my white sweater?
I wonder who changed my clothes...
"well your dad and I have decided that you will go to Nigeria."
I immediately stopped all my movements and stared at her like she had grown a second head.
Nigeria.....I've only been there once and I was like 4 or 5 years old.
"Why do I need to go?." I asked timidly.
"Well for example you will be able to think clearly without everything reminding you of what happened. And secondly, your grandma wants you to have therapy."she trailed off
She wants me to get therapy. " Mommy am not going crazy I don't need therapy". I protested.
"No one said you were. But you tried to kill yourself she's just been cautious. Been raped is not an easy thing to handle. So honey please let's not argue over this".
I sighed.
She was right.
The therapy might help alot. I know I will never be the same person but at least I'll be better.
"Am sorry mom". She looked confused
"For what?".
"For going for that party, for yelling at you,for giving you attitude..... " My voice broke off as tears rolled down my face.
"It's okay dear, just cry it out"
She pulled me into a hug. Her hands rubbing circles on my back.
I cried out the hurt and pain I have been bottling up for days. This was just what I needed.
After my trial,I am going to leave this place and start a fresh.