Grey's POV
***
When she asked who I was, I couldn't help the way my heart melted at the sound of her voice. I knew it was all because of the mate bond, and I was here to destroy that.
Even though I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, I still did what I intend to do. I rejected her.
I knew rejecting her would hurt, but I never imagined rejecting her would hurt this bad, it feels as though someone stabbed a silver knife through my heart, and they kept twisting it inside.
When she said I couldn't do that, those words shot through my heart like fucking silver arrow that had been embedded in wolfsbane. I couldn't let her see the pain in my face or let her hear the pain from my voice, so I left the room without saying another word.
I hurried out of the hospital building and felt like I was slowly getting enveloped in darkness, I could feel Ash threatening to take control, but I fought to stay awake. And that only caused my pain to intensify.
I couldn't withstand the pain anymore so I went to my favorite place to be at, the club, and did what I knew how to do best, get drunk.
That's how I could face the problems of this world, it's the only way I could keep Ash under control, and it's my only way to deal with whatever was going on in my life.
I entered the club and went directly to my personal space. They already know no one comes in if I'm looking this mad.
I grabbed the bottle of whiskey that's on the table and chugged it down not bothered about the burn in my throat, as the burn felt like nothing compared to the one my heart's feeling right now.
I knew it would go away eventually or maybe it would at least be less when I start to get tipsy, which was a bit hard to achieve, and that's why I always have a little amount of wolfsbane mixed with it not only to get drunk but also because that's the only way I could keep Ash under control.
But today felt different. Usually, Ash would give in after a few shots, but now even after I had downed a whole bottle, he was still strong try hard to resist the alcohol.
Ash was ragingly furious at the fact that I had rejected our mate which is probably why he's taking longer than usual to submit to the alcohol.
I had downed an entire bottle of whiskey, but Ash was still trying to get out. He was so much stronger today probably because of her, and that's one of the main reasons why I had to reject her.
It was said that my mate would bring nothing but destruction to my pack and those I cared about. I had hidden behind my pregnancy phobias as a reason not to find her, but there's more to that than meets the eye.
I was seated on the sofa, and I continued taking large gulps of my second bottle of whiskey.
Ash was now beginning to submit, but then the pain in my heart only increased two folds, it was ad if I was also feeling Ash's pain as he submits to the alcohol.
I chugged down the whole of the second bottle and at this point, I was completely drunk.
"She shouldn't have looked that pretty," I said and my eyes welled up, as tears threatened to fall, something I hadn't done after I loosed the one person who had meant the entire world to me.
I tried as much as I could to keep the tears at bay, but they spilled down my cheeks, and I felt my chest tightens, a feeling that felt even more horrible than the one I was experiencing.
I was already completely intoxicated, but the pain was still not going away. And I felt the urge to go bash something, but the alcohol had weakened my body, only my subconscious was completely wide awake.
In my crapulous state, I tried my best not to think about her but all I could picture was how delicate and beautiful her face had look.
I could still clearly remember the look on her face, how her eyes had widened at the words I had uttered. I pulled at the roots of my hair feeling frustrated.
The last time I had felt a pain that's close to this was when mom died, which was also when I had developed the fear of seeing someone being pregnant.
Even though getting drunk was my only way of escaping from reality, it also has its lapses as it only makes me relive the hardest moments of my life.
***
It was a memory from when I was about 10yrs old, but the memory was still as fresh as new in my head.
Sheila was only 4years so she doesn't recall what happened exactly, she doesn't know how mom died.
Mom was pregnant with a third child, but she was always sick, sometimes she couldn't even get up from the bed, she'd lay on it all day long, at times even barely being able to speak.
At first, I thought she was poisoned, but then I eavesdropped on her conversation with the pack's doctor on a certain day, she didn't want us to find out what exactly was wrong with her, not wanting us to be too worried about her.
"Luna, I would advise you to abort this child, keeping her would only cost you your life," Jacob told my mom, and my eyes widened at the fact that mom's life was in danger unless she aborts a child, I didn't know what child he was talking about, I had tried racking my 10year old brain to understand what he meant by aborting this child, but couldn't until mom spoke in a weak small voice.
"You're asking me to kill a soul, Jacob, and not just any soul you're asking me to kill my unborn child" she then paused, and I instantly despise the unborn child for the fact that she was trying to kill mom. I wanted to go beg mom to get rid of it but then I heard her speak again...
"I'd rather die than kill my own child Jacob, so please find a way to save us both or save my child", she begged Jacob.
I couldn't understand why my mom is choosing to die for someone she doesn't even know.
I remembered feeling angry and disappointed that she would choose an unknown child over us.
I wanted to go and try talking to mom maybe I could persuade her to abort the baby, but I couldn't, all I could do was watch her pale face after I entered the room as she laid still on the bed.
The Alpha was stationed to her side everyday without a blink of his eyes. He had also tried to make mom abort the child but my mom was too stubborn to listen to anyone.
Sheila was completely oblivious of what was going on with mom, she would always climb unto her body to play, and keeps asking her to wake up and come play with her .
On the day she died, she had gotten up feeling strong like never before, she even bathed Sheila herself and dressed her up, father was ecstatic that his mate had gotten better, the color on her face had returned, and she looked so beautiful.
But after she did all that and she retired to bed, that was the last of her we had seen. She died in her sleep. she died with the baby still inside her.
I could still remember how father had loosed his mind completely at the loss of his mate. I had never seen him cry on till the day mom died.
He cried like a child, not caring about the fact that he was the Alpha. I didn't cry immediately after mom died because she looked so peaceful as if she had only fallen asleep.
But the reality of what exactly was going on, dawned on me after seeing how disheveled the whole pack was at the loss of their luna.
I didn't know when the tears started to spill after I realized she was no longer going to wake up. I had refused to eat or drink anything for the whole of one week. Father was no longer himself after mom died, and he never got back to who he once was...
Our pack which was known to have the strongest Alpha became the opposite of what it was known for.
Father started to careless about pack affairs, he also stopped caring about anything in general.
So the pain I had felt then wasn't only because I had loosed mom, it was also because we had loosed both of our parents at the same time...
***
"You know you want me, stop fighting it," A voice said in my head before I completely blacked out.
****
Hello, I hope this is reason enough to justify Alpha Black's phobia for pregnancy...