At some point, Fatima merges with me despite my protests, so that I know where my room is. The entire way back to this damn mansion, Fatima let me sulk in peace and ignore the world around me, but she's making it clear that now it's time to get my ass in gear and shift. When I heard Fatima's voice after stepping foot in this beautiful, prison of a mansion, I was flooded with a ton of information. I was flooded with the knowledge of werewolves and some of the culture and expectations. I know about Mates and the Moon Goddess and all that fancy jazz. I know about the Alpha King and Luna Queen and their responsibilities. I know about Fatima. I know that she's the Moon Goddess' first created Royal wolf, made to keep balance and peace between the packs and Alpha's. Made to stand by the true Alpha King's side, once his reign begins.
However, because of the circumstances, I refuse to believe that Kade is meant to be the true Alpha King, even though we're a mated pair. What he did to me, it isn't right, not under any circumstances. I find it hard to believe someone with a sound mind and a good sense for ruling an entire species would do something like this.
Yes it's wrong, but don't you think he may need your guidance? After all, we are here to lead and create balance and keep peace. Is it so hard to believe that Kade may also need us for peace? For balance?
When Fatima puts it that way it almost becomes hard to stay mad about the situation. It makes it just a little easier to start forgiving Kade and giving this...whatever this is, a try. Fatima is right, we're here for a reason. I don't know what's going on with the werewolves at this moment, so I don't know if Fatima and I are here for them as a whole right now, or for Kade. Do I want to know? Do I want to help him?
Just remember that we are the other half of Kade's soul. To reject him would be to destroy him.
And with those parting words, Fatima retreats to the back of my mind to give me space to think on my own. It's been less than 24 hours, and in that time Kade hasn't made a good impression at all. It just makes it all the harder for me to come to terms with my situation.
"Am I going to live with a man, who's supposedly my mate, who couldn't even take the time out of his day to try and court me? Or be a man and come pick me up himself?" I think.
When I first arrived here and seen his face, he didn't look apologetic. He looked smug, like he won some giant prize. He looked as if my grief and suffering were inconsequential to his selfish wants. If he's really my other half, I simply don't see how that dynamic would work. I matter too. I'm a living, breathing person with wants and needs as well. I'm not an object to be used or acquired. I feel. I matter.
And the problem is, even without spending time with each other, Kade has managed to make me feel like I don't matter. Like my life was, and is, meaningless.
I take a deep breath and close my mind off to those thoughts. Slowly, I take my first real look around my new room. It's beautiful just like the rest of this place, but it's bare, cold, impersonal. Don't get me wrong, there are warm colors, but this entire mansion lacks a personal touch. This place isn't a home, it's just a place where Kade resides. A place for him to work, eat and sleep.
Kade is someone with all this power and control, but he's lonely. But he's lonely by choice. He's lonely because of his actions and I doubt he lets anyone in.
Shaking my head and muttering under my breath, I move around the room. I take in the giant, four poster bed, and the two doors on the right side of the room. The door closest to the window opens up to reveal a huge walk-in closet. Other than a row of hangers and some drawers and shelves, it's empty. My belongings won't even take up half of the space in this closet.
The other door leads to a huge bathroom, with a tub built into the floor that could fit at least 3 people. Who needs such a huge tub? Hey, I won't complain though, I love taking baths. I'd rather there be a lot of extra room than be struggling to keep my body submerged because of lack of space.
I shrug my shoulders and walk further into the bathroom, noticing a shower built into the back corner of the room. The shower is surrounded by a sliding glass door, and inside the shower I see tons of different soaps and oils. There's a built-in shelf a few steps away that holds towels, wash rags, loofahs and bath bombs. Further exploration around the bathroom reveals a wide array of pads, tampons, hand soaps, perfumes, make up, toothbrushes, toothpastes, face masks and some gooey shit I have no idea what to do with.
It seems as though he thought of everything when stocking my bathroom. At least this way I won't have to leave my room to ask for any toiletries.
After exploring my new bathroom, I walk back out into my new room and take in the bookcase and vanity that I didn't see before. Walking to the bookshelf I see there's a few books on it, but I'll fill it up with some titles of my own. I'm not really interested in reading horror stories. The hell is this guy's problem?
You know what? I won't book shame. Whatever floats his boat.
I skim my fingertips over the warm wooden bookcase as I pass and make my way towards the floor to ceiling length window. Looking out, I have a beautiful view of the forest behind the mansion. Before the tree line, there's a group of blue and white flowers. As soon as they catch my eye I feel drawn towards them. They're beautiful and their glow rivals the glow of the sun. They shimmer in the light and demand the complete attention of their beholder. They remind me, in some strange way, of the moon, full and bright and magnificent. When a knock sounds on my door I jump, noticing that I started to trail my fingertips on the glass in the direction of the flowers.
Before I finish turning around, I know it's Marcy at the door. Not only can I recognize her by scent but I have this strange feeling that Kade wouldn't knock before entering.
As Marcy enters the room, she stares at the floor with hunched shoulders and it angers me. I don't want her to treat me any differently and I don't want her to feel guilty around me. Now that I know most of what I need to know about werewolves, I know that Marcy had no choice but to listen to Kade as he's her Alpha.
Before she can say anything I call her name. When she looks up at me so guiltily my heart breaks. The cowardly actions of the all powerful Alpha King drove a wedge between Marcy and I. A wedge that I plan to start eradicating tonight.
"I know why you had to do what you did." I tell her simply. When her eyes widen I offer a small smile and a shrug of my shoulder.
"He's your Alpha Marcy, I understand. My wolf filled me in on how things usually work around here."
At this Marcy's eyes widen a little more as she flounders for words. I wait patiently while Marcy obviously tries to organize her thoughts. I don't move or speak and give Marcy all the time she needs. I know this was hard on her as well, I refuse to push her to speak before she's ready.
"So-" She tentatively starts. "-your wolf has obviously already appeared, but she spoke to you?"
"Yes, she speaks to me."
I don't miss the confusion that passes Marcy's features and I chalk it up to my wolf being different. As I think this, Fatima rises from the recesses of my mind so she can eavesdrop on our conversation.
It's not eavesdropping if we are one in the same, Fatima playfully snarls and sends me the impression of snapping teeth.
I send her the impression of rolling my eyes and give Marcy my full attention.
"That's...odd." Marcy says slowly, as though she doesn't want to offend me. When I do nothing but smile in return she gets a little more comfortable. "Alpha Kade wanted me to teach you about us, but if your wolf filled you in on things, do you still need me to?"
At the question, Fatima makes her displeasure known which causes me to laugh lightly. "No Marcy, I'm alright, my wolf would like to teach me herself."
When Marcy does nothing but stare at me with drawn brows I lift one of mine.
"Your wolf...is going to teach you? How? No wolves are born with the knowledge, they learn from being around other werewolves and familiarising." Marcy tells me, unease and confusion warring on her features. "Unless...is your wolf not new? Did she belong to someone else?"
This gives me pause, I never thought about that, and the thought fills me with some sort of jealousy.
I hear snickering in my head and glower. No child I have not belonged to anyone else. I've been born before, but without a counterpart. I helped in the past from a distance. Most who saw me thought I was an apparition, a figment of their imagination.
And even though it shouldn't, her reassurance makes me feel at ease.
"No, she didn't belong to anyone else."
"Has she told you her name?"
"Yes she has." I say. "But she doesn't want me to tell anyone her name right now, and I'm not going to question her as to why." That's a total lie, I'm going to question her until I can't think straight, but no need to mention that.
Fatima laughs. Oh dear, I can drown out your voice and ignore your questions. My patience far outweighs yours.
I harumph before giving Marcy my attention again and instead of the guilt I was dreading to see, I see a glint of humor in her gaze.
"You two must speak to each other a lot, and it seems your wolf has decided she's in charge."
At this I laugh outright and say, "She wishes!" And when Fatima growls I laugh harder, doubling over. When I finally catch my breath I say, "Truely, we are already a team. We fit perfectly."
Marcy nods, a look of happiness on her face. I invite her to sit on my bed and we talk for about an hour about small, silly things. After Marcy yawns for about the 4th time, I stand and lead her to the door and give her a tight hug, wishing her a good night. I think she's leaving but then she turns around, takes a deep breath and says, "I know you said you understand, but I still wanted to say, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the pain and confusion I made you feel."
I offer her a tiny smile and shake my head. "None of that is your fault Marcy, like I said, it's your Alpha's fault. That was his doing." As I speak I dig through one of my duffle bags for some clothes so I can go take a shower and try to relax. However when I don't immediately hear a response from Marcy, I look up into her concerned face.
"He's your Alpha now too, Rura." She tells me, probably worried I'd face consequences in my defiance. I think on that briefly, I've never really been one for defiance, but when faced with Kade, defiance comes out in spades.
Which leads me to level Marcy with a smirk and say, "No. He's not," before softly closing my door.
When I hear Marcy's retreating footsteps I breathe a sigh of relief and head towards my new magnificent bathroom. Time to put that fancy shower head to use.