I spent the early morning cooking for my siblings, like I told them I would. Instead of them catching the bus to school, we walked together. In the 10 minutes it took us to walk to their school, they asked me all about my supposed 'new home'. So of course, not wanting to worry them, I told them it was awesome. I told them about how huge the mansion is and how beautiful the trees are. I told them of the wonderful but strange looking flowers I saw at the forest line and told them all about my huge bathroom and amazing tub. And of course I told them, they could visit me whenever they needed too.
Did I clear it with Kade? No. Do I plan on clearing it with Kade? Absolutely not. These little ones, my dad and my mom, are my family, even without blood ties. I choose them, just like they chose me. And even though my Dad and I still need to have a talk, that's my Dad. I love him so much and that won't change. I won't have him sitting there second guessing if his daughter still loves him or not.
I didn't lie to him when I told him that I understood why he took the offer Kade presented him with. After dealing with Kade I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that if my Dad didn't take the offer, Kade would've just taken me and my family wouldn't be taken care of.
Once the kids and I reach the gate at their school, we wave goodbye and I stand there and watch as Raya turns around over and over again to wave goodbye to me, before Tora snatches her and runs into the school building. I give a light chuckle before turning my back on the building and making my way back towards my old home.
Funny how I refuse to call that mansion my home but I also no longer feel as though the place I've lived all my life is my home. I feel...lost. Afloat in a sea of endless darkness, not knowing which way is right or wrong. Not knowing where I want my final destination to be. How do I know which way is right and which is wrong? I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
Oh dear, when in doubt, trust your heart.
And with that simple, gentle, yet powerful reminder, I breathe a little easier. Hold my head up just a little higher and walk just a tad bit quicker. When in doubt, trust my heart?
But what happens if my heart is the very thing that starts to confuse me? What if my heart leads me astray?