I take my family out to a small restaurant nearby. The mood is comfortable, set with low lighting and warm colors. There's a comfortable chatter going around the restaurant and we find a booth quickly. The kids order freely while Dad and I just order something that'll keep us comfortable tonight. As we wait for our food our voices mingle in with the rest of the customers' as we talk to each other about our day. Well, the twins and I talk about our day while Dad sits and listens and tells us how proud of us he is. Both of the twins passed the first quarter of school with a 4.0 gpa which makes me extremely happy that I got to take them out tonight. They deserve it.
As I chuckle listening to Tora tease Raya about him being the smartest of the two of them, I look out of the window just in time to see Marcy walking down the street. I smile and excuse myself from the booth, making my way to the door of the restaurant to say hello to Marcy as she passes. As I get to the door though I realize that Marcy doesn't look happy, in fact she looks heartbroken, and that look only intensifies when he eyes land on me.
"Hey Marcy, are you alright?" I ask her worried, I've never seen her look like this before.
"Yes." She says quickly and then just as quickly says, "No." Dread starts to form in the pit of my stomach as a look of guilt crosses Marcy's face. Just what is going on that has Marcy so sad? What would make her look at me with guilt in her eyes? I think I already know the answer but I don't want to be right. I've never wanted to be so wrong in my life.
"Well what's wrong? Is someone bothering you? You know you're like a grandmother to me, no one will ever get away with picking on you. You can tell me if that's the case?"
As I was speaking it was like each word hurt her more and more and I really couldn't understand why. Tears started to form in her eyes and by the time I finished speaking they finally started to fall.
"Rura dear I have something to tell you." She says very softly, taking my hands in hers. I nod my head and wait for her to continue, bracing myself for whatever bomb she's about to drop on me. And it'll be a bomb, a big one. She takes a breath to collect herself and then rushes through her sentence, like it's too painful to even utter.
"I have to let you go Rura." She says in a whisper. But I heard and felt every word. The feeling of knots in my stomach turned to a feeling of rocks. Or a big boulder. I'm hurt, confused and even more than that, I'm scared. What am I going to do about the bills? And keeping the children fed? Mom's treatment?
"Marcy I don't understand, did I do something wrong? Please tell me! I promise I can fix it, I really need this job." My voice cracks but I hold back the flood of tears. I already see how much this is affecting Marcy, I won't make her feel any worse than she already does.
Shaking her head Marcy takes my hands. "Sweet girl, you've done nothing wrong. But for now this is something I must do. You don't know how much it breaks my heart." She says to me with her heart in her eyes. Letting go of my hands, she reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a check. "This is your pay from the week, plus a few hundred dollars more." As I'm about to object Marcy shakes her head.
"You take this and you use it however you must. Hopefully this change for us is only temporary and then you can come back. I can't explain to you right now why I had to do this, as you wouldn't understand. But I can tell you that I am extremely sorry." She says with tears pouring down her face. "I'm sorry." She says again before turning around and leaving.
With my last check in my hands I stare down at it, wondering how things turned out this way. How did things change so drastically from this morning? Marcy is right, I don't understand, but seeing all the pain in her eyes as she let me go, I can't find it in myself to blame her either. Wiping my eyes and taking a minute to just breathe, I go back inside the restaurant to my family. I pick at my food, as my appetite has completely disappeared and try to behave as though our lives aren't about to change again. My dad notices my odd and reserved behavior but doesn't say anything in front of the kids.
Now I know exactly how my Dad felt when he could no longer take care of us. The weight on his shoulders, the feeling of complete and utter defeat. The pain, sorrow and rage. As quick as rage appears is as quick as it disappears though, leaving an empty echoing feel. It's almost like I sink into an instant depression that I try to suppress in front of my family. Oh god my Dad is so strong to go through this feeling every day. My respect for him grows.
Once the kids finish their food and their banter back and forth we head home. I pretend to study my surroundings, but really I'm stuck in my own mind. When we arrive at home I excuse myself with the truth, I have a massive headache. I go to my room and take a long, freezing shower and let myself cry. I cry and cry until my sinuses hurt and my eyes swell up. When I get out of the shower and look in the mirror I don't even care that my entire face is puffy. I do a bare minimum towel dry, throw on a robe and collapse onto my bed and then crawl under the sheets. With heavy exhaustion I fall into a deep sleep. So deep that I didn't hear anyone come to the door. I never knew that we had company and I didn't hear what they spoke about.
When I wake up in the morning I'm a tired, groggy mess. I look to my left and see that it's 11:30 and jump up to get for work. "Shit!"
Then last night comes back to me and I remember that I don't have a job anymore. It's at that moment that I see my Dad sitting in a chair across from me looking like his entire world is crashing down around him. Sitting down on my bed I look down at my hands, feeling guilty that I didn't tell him last night about losing my job.
"Dad, I was going to tell you I promise. It was just a stressful night but don't worry, I'll find another job and Marcy gave me my last check, we'll be alright." I say to him, noting with unease that he's already shaking his head.
"I already know about you losing your job baby." He says sadly, sorrow etched in every line of his face. How does he know? Did he see me speaking to Marcy last night? Did he over hear us?
Almost like he sees the questions I'm going to ask in my eyes, he shakes his head. "Someone stopped by last night. Said he came by on the behalf of his boss, the Alpha King."
Alpha King? What the hell does that even mean? More importantly, what the hell does he want with us?
"And?" I prompt.
"And you are to immediately pack your bags Rura. The Alpha King has also heard what happened and has taken an interest in us. Well, in you. You two are going to get married." He tells me in a rush, like it'll make this news any less painful, like ripping off a bandaid.
I sit there on my bed in stunned silence not believing a word that just came out of my Dad's mouth. He's kicking me out? To go live with and marry some man I don't know? Something tells me there's much more to this though. "In exchange for what?" I ask in a whisper. My Dad would never just give me up right? Right?
When he doesn't respond I ask again, louder this time. "In exchange for what?" Tears well up in my eyes and threaten to spill but I won't let them. My father has no such trouble though, he cries so much that he could fill up a cup.
"You will go and live with him starting from today and get married in one months time. In exchange for that, for you, your mother will get better care and...we will get a million dollars." He basically whispers that last part with so much shame but I hear him loud and clear and I can't believe it. He's selling me. My own father is selling me.
I don't respond, not wanting to hear anything come out of his mouth. He's selling me. Just yesterday I had a job I loved, I was with my family, I FELT loved, and even though life was stressful I was happy. Now I'm being forced out of the only home I've ever known to some foreign place with a man I don't know. Some strange man I'm supposed to now marry. I scoff, feeling bitter as the darkest chocolate.
"You sold me." I finally speak aloud, void of emotion. It's true, that's what he did. Him being sorry doesn't change that fact. So as he's about to speak I talk over him. "Get out. Please, just get out." I don't have it in me to treat him badly. I've watched over the years as he slowly withered under the pressure of our situation and last night I got a small taste of exactly what he's been feeling for years. But there are other options, to go this route -. It makes me feel like he's never loved me at all.
He tries to take a step towards me but I move back, unable to really care about the look of hurt that crosses his face. "It'll take a while to pack and who knows when I'll be expected to leave so please get out and let me pack." I turn my back on him and just hope that he gives me this. I can hear him walking to my door and in a low voice he says, "I'm sorry Rura."
When I don't say anything he says, "They expect you to be ready by 12:30. If you want my help I'll be in the living room." He softly closes my door and I want to throw something. Break things. 12:30!? I woke up at 11:30 and now it's 12:00. I wont get to say goodbye to my brother and sister? I'll barely have any time to say goodbye to my mother. The tears fall, fat and hot but I can't let them slow me down. I stuff as many of my belongings as I can in my two suitcases and then put everything else in some gym bags and totes.
By the time I finish packing and leave my room it's 12:28, but I don't care. I refuse to leave without seeing my mother. When I enter her room Dad is there holding her hand and when he sees me he says, "I'll give you some time to yourself." I don't say anything in return. As he stops at the doorway he turns back to me and says, "I'm really sorry Rura. I've been promised that you'll be well taken care of. I love you so much."
Barely turning my head to acknowledge him I say, "How would you know? You have no idea what type of man the person I'm supposed to be marrying is." My rage is barely restrained at this point and I watch in satisfaction as my Dad's face pales a little bit. He knows I'm right, but I also know what's done is done. There's no changing things now. I turn back to my mother and sit in the seat my Dad vacated to take her hand. When I hear the door click shut I begin to speak to my Mom, telling her all of my hopes, worries and fears. I tell her of all the love I have for her and my siblings. I even tell her that I forgive dad and can understand why he did what he did. I tell her that I'll visit as much as I can and that if it looks as though I wont be allowed to leave I will find a way to escape.
I don't know how long I spent with my Mom but too soon a knock comes on the door and my Dad opens it with some man standing behind him. I look at the man behind my Dad with hatred in my eyes. He must be the one to come and take me away from everything and everyone I've always known.
With his head bowed my Dad says, "Rura, this is the Kings Beta Ty. He's come to take you to your new home." My new home, I think. That place will never be my home for as long as I live, I vow.