I close my eyes before taking a deep breath, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach. My nerves are slowly starting to get the better of me. I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder, I open my eyes. Mum is smiling at me.
'You'll be fine,' she signs to me.
'Fine,' I think bitterly.
Mum's said that before, especially about my previous school. However, it had been anything but fine.
It had started ok, then when everyone found out I was deaf the taunts and bullying started.
I would see people laughing and looking behind me. When I turned, everyone would look very interested in their zippers, shoes or the walls. They would all be wearing identical smirks.
Idiots would barge past me knocking me into walls or lockers, saying they hadn't heard me there. A few times I would shout back 'look with your eyes then!' Which usually ended up with me being beaten up by three or more jerks.
They would call me a freak, or act like I had a disease like deafness was catching and or fatal, which of course is stupid. I haven't been deaf all my life.
When I was seven, I was in a car accident. Dad had been driving me home from school. Another driver had fallen asleep or was drunk, either way, they veered into our lane.
The doctors told Mum that I had an inner-ear concussion due to my neck being whipped around in the crash. This caused my hearing to go.
It took a long time for me to get used to it, used to the silence. Sometimes I would be fine, then I would see Mum dancing or laughing. Those days I hated it. I also had to learn how to sign and lip read.
My Dad didn't want to have a disabled son and left when Mum refused to put me through countless surgeries that may or may not have healed my hearing. There were lots of other major risks to the surgeries but he didn't care, he just wanted it fixed, wanted a normal son.
Mum was amazing, she learned to sign with me. She also helped me hear on the days I hated myself. She would play music loudly on the radio and get me to touch the speakers. I would feel the beats and smile as she danced.
Whenever we're out she will sign if it's just us, or if we are with someone she signs and speaks. If someone speaks to me and I don't see their lips she repeats what they've said.
I did have one saviour though at that school, Max, my best friend. He'd defend me but get into trouble for it. I always told him to stay out of it, but he promised to defend my honour. He was an idiot, but that's what I loved about him.
The teachers didn't always know what was going on, or if they did they didn't care because they hardly did anything.
Max helped me remember I wasn't a freak and that I was just me. Unfortunately, he got into so much trouble that his family moved him away. The day he left was worse than the day I lost my hearing.
Things at school got worse and Mum decided to move us. She found a job at the local doctor's office as a receptionist in a town called Wolfstone.
Wolfstone is a very small town in Texas, it looks just like the typical small towns you see on Tv. One main road that has all the main stores on it, lots of trees and fields. The town is football mad and very religious.
With my half Asian features, I already stood out amongst the locals. I look more like my Chinese mother than my white father.
My hair is short on the sides and only slightly longer on top. Most of the guys I've seen look like bodybuilders, I'm definitely a lot smaller and leaner than them.
I had once considered growing my hair to hide my hearing aids but Max said if I did he would pin me down and cut my hair. He didn't want me to hide anything, if anyone had a problem then screw 'em.
My hearing aids allow me to hear louder sounds, not clearly but enough to know they are there. However, smaller sounds are next to impossible to hear. Which at times I'm thankful for.
It means I can't hear any nasty comments anyone will make. I thought about living without them. Especially when the doctors said they wouldn't help me as much as Mum had hoped for.
Max had told me that at least they can help me hear any louder sounds like explosions and things like that.
Mum shook my shoulder, breaking me out of my sour thoughts.
'Come on,' she signs, I reluctantly follow her slowly. Thankfully, the first period has already started so no one is around to see me walk in. I walk with Mum to the office.
I take a seat on one of the chairs near the main desk whilst Mum talks with the principal alone. I know she wants to make sure the principal knows exactly what she needs to stop from happening.
I don't mind waiting outside. I decided to look at the other people in the room. People-watching is one of my favourite pastimes. Trying to figure out what they are saying can be fun.
The people in the room consist of three fairly older looking women. I smile as I watch them blush and talk excitedly about someone.
'Did you go see him?'
'Isn't he handsome in his white coat?'
'Oh, he is so charming!'
I've no idea who they are talking about but I can't help but chuckle. It's funny to see these elderly women gushing over someone like little school children.
They remind me of the old lady I used to live next door to. I'd often sit with her on her porch and she would tell me lots of stories, mainly about her many lovers and adventures.
She said that she liked that I was deaf, she said it meant that she always knew I was paying attention.
I look back at the office door in time to see it open. Mum steps out with a younger-looking African-American woman, her straight afro hair fell past her shoulders in smooth waves. She is wearing one of those dress suit things that Mum says only sophisticated women can pull off.
Something my mother said she would never be. We had chuckled at that. I'd told her she was a queen, she blushed, playfully pushed me and signed the word 'charmer'.
"Hello Mr Li, my name is Principal Conners. It's nice to finally meet you," the principal says, with a friendly smile, as she holds her hand out. I smile shyly at her as I take her hand.
"If you need anything, or are having any problems," she looks at my mother pointedly when she says that. "Don't hesitate to come to me, my door is always open," she finishes.
Outwardly I nod, inwardly I scoff. 'Yeah right, you have better things to do than deal with the resident deaf kid,'
She hands me my class schedule for my senior year in high school and a map, I take it and take a look at my classes. I have double English which I'm happy about, it's my favourite lesson. I love reading and getting lost in another world, as well as creating my own.
Mum leaves with a wave and Principal Conners shows me to my locker. I quickly put my bag inside, taking out my stuff for class whilst she waits. She then walks me to my first class of the day, second-period English. Everyone's eyes turn to me as she opens the door before leaving.
"Ah! Mr Li, I presume, I'm Mr Peers."
A middle-aged man with thick glasses and a dusty sweater vest walks up and pats my shoulder. I nod avoiding the stares from the other kids.
"I've already been told about what I need to do, so I will try my best to accommodate you. However, to err is human; to forgive, divine." I smile and nod at him again. I like him already.
He turns to the rest of the class, but I stay focused on him.
"Class this is Nai Li, as you've most likely guessed he's just moved to town. I expect you all to help him acclimate to his new surroundings."
He turns to me and asks me if I want to say anything. I shake my head and he points to a seat at the back for me to take. I keep my head down as I take my seat.
The class is uneventful, thankfully. A few kids steal glances at me, but I ignore them as best I can. My watch vibrates and I start to pack away, as do the other kids in my class.
Mum bought me a smartwatch for my last birthday. We programmed many alarms into it. Mainly to signal the end of lessons, breaks and lunch.
I can feel many eyes watching me as I make my way to my third-period class, science. Not my worst subject but it's far from my favourite.
This teacher does the same as the previous one, except he doesn't ask if I want to speak. This class now has an odd number of students which means I get to sit at a desk on my own, which is perfect.
Then the time I've been dreading the most arrives, lunch. Now I can't hide behind work or the teachers. I grab my lunch from my locker and make my way outside to sit on the grass. As far away from everyone as I can get.
Plus side to losing one of your senses! The others heighten to compensate, not by much but enough. I always know when I'm being watched, or at least I have a feeling and as I make my way I can feel them staring. I can only imagine what they are saying to each other.
I'm halfway through my lunch when I notice lots of students running in the same direction. I watch them all group near the front steps. My eyebrows knit together as I see some of them raise their hands and some jump.
Suddenly, I feel a hand grab my wrist. Eyes wide I look up at a boy, he smiles at me before pulling me up.
'Come on man! you're missing it!' I see the boy say as he pulls me towards the crowd.
He forces his way through pulling me along behind him. He's a big guy standing easily at 6'2, so pushing through and pulling me isn't a hard thing to do. He has broad shoulders, muscles that push against his tight shirt and a thin waist. The arm that's pulling me is covered in tattoos, which I'll admit looks good against his slightly tanned skin.
We finally made it to the epicentre of the crowd and I finally understood why everyone was running.
Two guys are in the middle of a fight. One looks similar to the guy that pulled me, except his hair is shorter. The puller's hair is long on top and tied in a man bun.
The other fighter is smaller in comparison, but still bigger than me.
I scan the crowd and see the words.
'Fight!'
'Get him!'
'So hot!'
That last one is mainly from girls and a few guys. Though I'm not sure which guy they are on about. Each guy is equally as good looking, not that I notice that type of thing. Though I must admit the taller one stands out a little more.
I'm not gay or anything but I can understand their gushing.
He's what Max would have described as sex on legs. With his tanned skin, dark eyes and muscled chest. His shirt fits him perfectly, the short sleeves show well-defined arms, one of which is tattooed just like the pullers.
I can feel a strange, small pull for the bigger guy. I have this sudden urge to stand in front of him. As though I could protect him from getting hurt.
I shake my head to rid myself of that ridiculous thought. That guy doesn't need protecting, especially not by me. I would be as much use as a chocolate fireguard or something equally as useless.
When the puller finally releases my wrist, I quickly turn around and push myself back through the crowd.
I have no interest in watching people fight. I've been beaten up enough times to know that it makes it even worse when you are being watched.
I make it back to where I had been sitting and pick up my things before walking back into school, avoiding the crowd. I check the time and put my things away. It's almost time for the next class, which is English again for me.
I sit in the same seat I was sat in earlier and soon the rest of the class follows, the puller walks in too and sits right next to me.
I can feel his gaze on me but I refuse to look at him. I feel a tap on my shoulder, reluctantly I look at the puller slightly annoyed. He smirks at me but doesn't say anything, so I turn back to the teacher.
Throughout the lesson, I can feel him staring at me. When my watch goes off to signal the end I am beyond annoyed.
I grab my things and leave as quickly as I can. I'm not that eager to reach my last lesson of the day, calculus, but I want to get as far away from the puller as I can.
Calculus is one of my worst lessons and it gets even worse when the puller follows me in.
He, again, sits down next to me.
'I really don't need this,' I think to myself with a sigh.
This is one of the classes I really need to focus on and he isn't making it easy. If he spoke it would be fine, but he just keeps staring. It's like he knows something I don't or he's trying to figure me out in his own way. Either way, it's distracting.
When the class finishes I, again, leave as quickly as I can. I grab my things from the locker and head for the front of the school. Just when I am about to exit the main doors I feel a hand on my wrist, stopping me.
I turn to glare at whoever it is, ready and willing to shout if need be. The puller is smirking at me again. I look at my wrist and then back at him, clearly saying 'let go.'
"Easy there, tiger," he says. I see his shoulders moving, telling me he's laughing at me.
"Let go," I tell him. Hoping my voice sounds calm and strong.
"Why?" he asks, tilting his head to one side like dogs do when they find something curious.
I don't get a chance to respond, as the puller jumps a little and turns to look out the door and down the steps.
I follow his gaze and gasp. The Sex on Legs guy, from the fight earlier, is walking up the steps towards us. His dark brown eyes seem to go darker the closer he gets.
"Clay, what are you doing?" I see him demand as he glares at the puller, who still has a tight hold of my wrist.
I flinch at his gaze, his eyes are cold and hard but also mesmerizing. I am both afraid and intrigued by them.
I stare at him a bit too long before remembering we weren't alone. I turn to look back at the puller aka Clay as I now know him. He's smirking at me and his friend, it's like he knows something I don't.
I twist my wrist in his grasp and manage to pull myself free. I quickly, without a word, move around the pair and race down the steps.
I can't explain my reaction to Sex on Legs. My heart is racing, my fingers feel like they are itching to run through his hair or down his hard chest and I can feel knots tightening in my stomach.
I've never reacted to someone like this before. Max had described feeling something similar about a guy he'd liked at a diner we often went too but I'd never felt it.
I've never been interested in guys or girls. No one had wet my whistle, as Max would say. So, I'm not mortified at the idea of liking a guy. I just know no one wants to date a freak who can't hear.
---
Mums not home when I get back, which I am grateful for. I grab a drink and chug it down, suddenly feeling very dry. I eye my reflection, my cheeks are a bright shade of pink as I think back to what just happened. My heart races and my cock twitches as I picture Sex on Legs walking up to me.
Thankfully, by the time Mum comes home I am able to force myself to forget about it, something I hadn't been able to do until I saw her car.
'Hi love, how was your first day?' She signs. I smile at her, she knows she can just speak but she rarely uses her voice at home.
'It was fine, no hassles,' I tell her. She smiles, patting my hand.
'Shall we go out to eat tonight?' she asks, as she eyes the boxes of pots and pans we hadn't unpacked yet. We had managed to get through a lot of the main boxes but there is still a lot left to unpack.
I nod again and soon we're in the car driving to the local diner. We sit in a booth and look over the menu before our waitress comes over. She takes our orders and leaves with a smile.
Mum makes sure that I'm sat facing the door so I can see anyone coming in. It's something Mum always insists on, so no one can ever sneak up on me.
I smile as I look around the diner. If you've ever had an idea in your head of what a typical small-town diner looks like, this one would be it. Right down to the old jukebox in the corner. When I look back at Mum she's smiling at me.
'Looks a lot like that diner in Grease, doesn't it?' she signs with a giggle. I chuckle and nod. That is one of her favourite films. She forces me to watch it whenever she's feeling down. Which, thankfully, isn't that often now. Don't get me wrong, it's a great film but it loses something in translation and in reputition. It's not as fun to watch when I can't hear the music.
'So, did it really go ok today?' she signs. I'm about to answer her but something stops me or rather someone. I stare wide-eyed as the puller Clay and Sex on Legs walk in.
My gaze involuntarily follows them as they walk towards the counter and take a seat. Clay turns around and smiles at me, I quickly look back at Mum.
'Well,' she asks.
'It was fine, no one bothered me. I like my English teacher, he's funny,' I sign back. I notice Clay and Sex on Legs watching me as I answer Mum. I wonder if they think I'm weird.
'That's good,' she says back, oblivious to their stares, lucky her, I feel as if their eyes, or rather one set, in particular, are burning holes into me.
'How was your first day at work?' I ask, trying my best to ignore the two very hot guys. She smiles and I see her sigh. Her shoulders rise as she takes a deep breath and then lets it out slowly, a wistful look in her eyes. It looks kind of like the one she gets when she lusts after John Travolta.
'It was amazing! Everyone is so nice, and the doctor is so handsome,' I smirk. I can almost see the cartoon hearts coming from her head.
"Handsome? More than me?' I sign playfully laughing. She blushes and I laugh louder.
'No one's as handsome as my son, but …... he comes very close,' she chuckles.
Our food arrives and we eat as she tells me more about the dashing doctor. When we finish our food Mum looks at me sheepishly.
'What?' I ask curiously. She looks around as though she's checking if anyone is watching. She leans forward as if she's going to tell me a secret.
'Shall we get a pudding?' she signs. I laugh again, louder this time before nodding eagerly.
'What! I'm supposed to be on a diet,' she signs. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes as my lips quirk.
'You don't need to be on a diet Mum, you're perfect just the way you are,' I tell her and I mean it.
She isn't a stick figure, but she isn't big either, at least not to me. I can easily wrap my arms around her waist. Her long dark hair is always tied up in a bun with chopsticks and pens stuck in it. Her face shows the tell-tale signs of living a good and happy life. Laughter lines around her eyes and cheeks.
'You charmer,' she smirks at me as her cheeks turn slightly red.
She tells me what she wants for pudding, then I walk up to the counter. The waitress from before smiles as she comes up to me. I'm reluctant to speak, not because I've got a funny voice. My Mum and Max assure me I don't. I'm reluctant to speak with Clay and Sex on Legs watching me.
I point to Mum's pudding, apple pie and ice cream and then at mine, salted caramel brownie with ice cream.
"Ok honey, what ice cream do you want with them?" she points to the ice cream choices on the other side of the menu. I'm grateful she doesn't force me to speak. I show her with a smile.
"No problem sweetie, I'll bring them right over" I nod and go back to Mum.
As I'm making my way back someone knocks into me and I fall. I bang my knee pretty hard on the tile floor. I feel someone pull me up before brushing my clothes clean.
I look up into the face of a very handsome older man. He doesn't make my heart race like a jackhammer like Sex on Legs does though.
He looks me over so I can't see his mouth properly. I can tell he's speaking as I can see his jaw moving but I can't see his lips.
He must be worried at my lack of response. He is staring at me with concern on his face until his eyes notice my ears then the penny drops. I can actually see the moment he understands.
"I'm so sorry," he says. I nod feeling a little uncomfortable as his hands are gripping my shoulders.
"Are you hurt?" he asks me. I shake my head as I try to step away. I wince when I feel a sharp pain shoot up and down my leg from my knee. He notices too and tightens his arm around me. I can feel his fingers on my chin as he moves my head so I can see him.
"Where are you sitting?"
I point to where Mum is sitting watching us, worry written all over her face. He smiles at her as we approach.
"Maggie, good to see you again," I watch him say to her as he helps me sit. "Is this your son? The one you were telling us about?" he asks her. I stare at her eyes wide. She smiles and then speaks and signs at the same time.
"Yes, this is Nai. Nai this is Doctor Holby, he's the doctor I work for," she explains to both of us.
I nod with a small smile, it grows wider when he tries to sign the word 'hello.' I sign it back and look at Mum.
"They asked me to teach them a few signs for when they met you," she explains with a shrug.
"Oh yes, when she told us you were deaf, we wanted to know a few words to say to you. You know to make a good impression," he says before eyeing my knee.
"Though I may have ruined that," he gives me a bashful look. "May I?" he asks, pointing to my knee. I nod, a little embarrassed to be doing this in the diner, with everyone watching.
He lifts my pants leg, my knee is red and you can see a bruise forming. He gently touches and moves my knee, I wince in pain. I see him turn around and then Sex on Legs moves and walks into the kitchen. Mum taps me on my arm.
'He asked that boy to get the first aid kit,' she tells me. I nodded, I'd figured he'd done something like that but why did it have to be that guy.
I sneakily look around the diner and there are plenty of other people he could have asked. Even the waitress from earlier would have been a better choice.
Sex on legs comes back with a first-aid box and hands it to the doctor.
He pulls out an ice pack, activates it and then puts it on my knee. I jump a little at the sudden coldness but it soon starts to work its magic.
Doc Holby turns to speak to Sex on Legs again, and to my surprise and horror, Sex on Legs switches places with him. He kneels in front of me and holds the ice pack as the doctor looks through the kit. Again, Mum taps my arm.
'He's looking for some painkillers, so he asked the boy to hold the ice pack,' she tells me. I really don't need her to tell me but I'm glad to have an excuse to look anywhere else.
The doctor taps my arm and holds out a small packet.
"Take these, it will help. You will be sore for a few days but if it gets too bad you can come to me and I will prescribe you some stronger painkillers," I nod and take the packet. Mum hands me my drink.
I, suddenly, remember Sex on Legs kneeling in front of me. I quickly take the ice pack and move back into the seat breaking the contact. The boy stands and the doctor smiles at him, before patting him on the shoulder.
I reluctantly look up at the doctor.
"This is my son, Asher. He's in his senior year of high school," he tells us. I nod, and Mum smiles.
"Nice to meet you, Asher. I'm Maggie and this is my son Nai. He's just started school today, he's in his senior year too."
I see Asher smile at Mum before his eyes land on mine. It takes everything I have not to stare into those eyes.
I'm thankful when our puddings arrive and the Doc and Asher leave. I'm staring down at my food, hoping like hell I'm not blushing. Mum taps my arm to pull me out of my thoughts.
'He seems like a nice boy. Have you seen him at school? Maybe you two could be friends?' She looks hopeful. I shrug my shoulders, I'm not going to tell her he's a bully who likes to beat people up or get into fights.
She smiles, seemingly happy with my response.
After we eat I limp to the car. The doctor was sitting near the till when we paid. He patted me on the back and smiled at me. Mum blushed when he told her he would see her at work.
I slump in my seat as she drives, I'm so ready for bed. Today has been long and all kinds of confusing.