I was abruptly awoken by the noise of the phone at the desk outside my room. I glanced over at my clock, telling me that it's Tuesday, 8:14 AM.
I only have until Friday morning and I'm free.
I never thought I would end up in the hospital. I always told myself I had everything under control. No one knows. No one cares.
Boy, was I wrong.
I've always been a small person.
Skinny.
Petite.
I'm not super tall or super short, just average. I remember doctors telling my parents at yearly check ups that I was on the small side, but all healthy.
I never realized I had a problem until about a year ago when it all started.
My little sister, Aleah and I were very close. I was only fifteen months older than her. We shared our room, we shared the same dark hair and blue eyes, we shared everything.
She was my favorite person in the whole world.
She understood me. I understood her.
Aleah was killed a week before Christmas in a car accident a year ago. She was 15. The drunk driver walked away without a scratch.
My parents shut down after she died.
They became robots.
We all did.
I felt I had completely lost control of everything in my life.
In a snap.
It started slow, the sickening, creeping thoughts would linger until I fulfilled what I was told to do.
Don't eat. Don't eat. Don't eat.
Exercise. Exercise. Exercise.
Lose it. Lose it. Lose it.
Calories. Calories. Calories.
Don't let it hold you down. Ever.
I kept this all a secret until I didn't have to use words to tell anyone, all they had to do was look.
It was obvious.
Bree noticed first.
I started throwing away my lunch on my way to school. I took the long way to and from school for the extra steps, and I even dropped my favorite health class for a PE class.
Burn. Burn. Burn.
Burn those calories.
——
"Good morning dear, I brought you your breakfast. Are you excited for your last week?", my nurse asked as she walked into my room.
Still lost in thought, I choked out, "Thank you, yes I am ready to go home. Sorta."
"What do you mean 'sorta'?" She asks me.
"We're moving to Denver when I get home. I think we're leaving Saturday morning. I just wish I had a week, or even a day to spend with Bree before we leave." I said unenthusiastically while rolling my eyes.
"I'm sorry dear, I'm sure you two will keep in touch. Moving is hard." She paused not knowing what else to say, "I'll be back in a bit to grab you for group, okay?", she gave me a sympathetic glance as she strolled out into the hall.
She's my favorite nurse here, although I can never remember her name. She always makes time to come and see me even if I'm not on her rounds that day.
I should really know her name...